09/10/2025
I, as many people do, began my healing journey because of 1) externalization of the reasons of my suffering (and thinking that I could change other people) and 2) believing that something must be my fault or broken in me.
I began from a place of deep suffering and pain, and there is nothing wrong with that. I now have deep compassion for that part of me, who kept believing and hoping despite also feeling that something was wrong with her for keeping doing so. Naïve and childish I was called. For in these times, innocence, wonder, hope, dreams, are considered a part that should be stiffled because "the real world/life doesn's work like that and you will learn that soon enough".
Well I guess not only I never did, but those were the parts keeping me here. They were, and are, actually, the stronger parts of me. Gentleness, softness and vulnerability made me so strong that my tender heart kept blooming in beauty and hope despite being "broken".
At first just here and there. For although it was parched dry, my heart, like beautiful soil, just needed attention. With nourishing my true self, going deep into the soil of my many becomings, that soil receives compost, gets moved, gets nourished, for new and stronger blooming seasons.
I've softened into dying, despite deep wounds of rejection, abandonment and loneliness - which is still hard btw, especially as a Manifestor. But now there is an embodied knowing of rebirth too. Of inner seasons, of the power of surrendering instead of forcing and controlling.
From that place, action comes with clarity and anger, grief, anxiety & fear come with compassion. Everytime there is a contraction, there is a deeper invitation to open the heart even more. And everything feels too much sometimes, yes. But when the wave is so big we feel we are not going to make it, we dive deeper and find the other side. Sometimes, we even find someone giving us a supportive hand to come up.
