06/09/2021
10 DAY SILENT AND MEDITATION RETREAT
„Blow upon the amber of the heart.“
This is my favorite sentence and focus while meditating. And what a gorgeous imagination. Having and feeling ambers in the heart, letting them sparkle more and more. Feeling your heart opening and glowing full of love and excitement. This is what the retreat brought back to me.
During the 10 days we were sitting, being silent, meditating, observing the mind, the body, everything around while focusing on the spiritual heart in our chest.
I realized quite soon, how many thoughts I have 😀 Sometimes they would pass by, sometimes I would grab them and declutter a big package of thoughts, experiences & emotions. And sometimes I would experience a mental void, before the next thought would pass by 🙂
I was able to categorize my thoughts which would bring me away from being fully present. This helps me now to recognize it in my daily life, when it happens again. So I can easier say „no“ to this and stay in the present moment, even if it’s short.
A huge insight for me was to stay in a compassionated heart, no matter what happens to/for me. Understanding that we all have our stories and we all do sometimes something which is hurting other persons. And of course, we are allowed to feel and express all kind of emotions and still, having and feeling the compassion for this person is the greatest gift. To loose this compassion is the greatest danger.
In these 10 days I realized how much fear is sitting beneath my body, feeling tension, unable to relax completely, even if there’s nothing to do. Actually I felt a collective fear of women of being abused. But also I felt a fear of just being with others in one room/space. And all of this while staying in silence, not having any eye or body contact.
To my joy, I was able to surrender fully to this process and to remind myself over and over again, that there is nothing else to do, than just sitting here and being with my (deeper) self. Feeling and being comfortable with all the uncomfortability. Letting go, accepting, surrendering, flowing.
Tapping more and more into the stillness of my infinite being, getting as intimate as possible with myself.
Asking: Who am I?
☺️🙏🌼