07/08/2025
Let me explain to you exactly how this works. First you need to take full responsibility. 100% responsibility for the situation you are in right now. Not 50%, not 98%, but fully 100%. You need to stop the blaming. Fully. Unapologetically.
No, it is not solely your mother’s fault, family’s fault, life’s or any other person’s fault.
Yes, it is probably because of your trauma, life has a strange way of being both fair and unfair at once, but it does start with you deciding to take full responsibility and accountability for the situation you are in.
Next, ask yourself: why did I invite this situation into my life? If it was yet another abusive relationship ask yourself: why did I still need to invite abuse into my life? If it’s lack of money: Why did I invite bankruptcy into my life? Why did I tolerate unsafety in my life? Why did I invite confusion into my life?
Change, true, lasting change is not possible if you do not ask yourself why you needed this experience in the first place. Yes, therapy will always, and I want to highlight this: always be helpful.
But that deep shift you’re yearning for, that pivot you’re longing to happen will not occur by itself. Only if you stand in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eye and say to yourself: I take 100% responsibility and accountability for what has happened.
Look back, with honesty to all the moments when you could have stopped it sooner. Draw the boundaries, stop the engagement, stop the spending, change the job, cut the ties, hang up the telephone, say No. That is your lesson. That is what you need to honour from now on. That moment is when you invited whatever you are living right now.
It’s scary isn’t it? This level of accountability. It’s sooo much easier to linger in the victim mentality. It’s easier to cling to pain than to face responsibility — because suffering is familiar. ‘It’s their fault, they did this to me, I couldn’t do this or that.’ ‘They made me do it.’ ‘I was manipulated.’
Yes, go to therapy, yes, fix the broken places, but for your power to come back to you, for you to be able to rebuild whatever in your life needs leveling-up trust me when I say you need to step up and take responsibility and ownership.
This is the deep work one needs to do in order to get through whatever dismay or darkness you are experiencing. There is no amount of outer help, dissociation, people, s*x, food or whatever the drug of your choice might be more powerful than the moment you say to yourself: I created this experience for myself. Why did I do it? How did I do it? What did I need to get from it? What did I need to see? What have I reenacted? And you will know, with a 100% accuracy what needs to happen for you to get out of it.
This is not about karma, manifestation, soul lessons or anything else. This is about Your Choices. Why did you, when you know you could have chosen differently, choose this?
And then, congratulations! You get to do the scraping-yourself-off-the-ground work, but you will do it not from the ‘somebody please save me’ place but from ‘if I had the guts and the willingness to take myself to this terrible, awful place, I will have the audacity to pick myself off the floor and build myself back again’ place. Own it. Own that dirt you’re in, own that messy situation you got yourself in, heal whatever needs to be healed and trust that you’ve got this.
Your determination and your commitment to rebuilding needs to be like a bolt of thunder in the sky. When you decide this, I promise you the force you will feel is going to move f*cking mountains. Literally move them.
Don’t you dare lose your energy in judging yourself, hating yourself or thinking ‘poor me’. Stop shaming yourself. Stop blaming yourself. You’ve done this enough. It’s time for growth. Yeah, you know exactly the kind of growth I’m referring to. It’s not pretty is it? Not the pink flowers, honey and bees type. You cannot get yourself out of the wrenches with that one. What you need right now is the tough kind of love, my dear one.
And in case you’re not fueled enough, the battle you’re going through is in fact one of life or death. Survive and thrive or keep living your life in this swiped-off, sh*tty energy you’ve been dwelling in for the past God knows how many months or years. Just in case you were wondering what true self-love really feels like…
