Psiholog Elena Tonciu

Psiholog Elena Tonciu Servicii de psihoterapie, dezvoltare personala pentru adulti, adolescenti si copii.

29/04/2025

Oamenii, nu iubesc. Oamenii, interpreteaza un rol doar: "rolul iubirii", ceea ce nu inseamna iubire, ci e cu totul altceva.

Iubirea nu se reduce la "sa fii" cu cineva.
Sau sa porti un inel.
Ori sa ai copii.
Nici sa ai grija de cineva sau cineva sa aiba grija de tine.
Nici sa mergi intr-o croaziera.
Si nici "sa te distrezi în doi".

A iubi e mult mai mult. Si inseamna a incepe cu tine.
Cum foarte putini oameni se iubesc cu adevarat pe ei insisi si cm totul incepe de la tine, ei bine, ce numesti "iubire" nu e tocmai iubire.
De aceea, mare parte din ceea ce numesti "iubire", e de fapt non-iubire si e echivalentul nevoii, atasamentului, dependentei, aparentei, conditionarii, contractelor, acordurilor...
Societatea o numeste "iubire", dar e pur si simplu, un mod de a acoperi o carenta personala, un "trebuie" in fata societatii, un "gata, sunt salvat, ca am aci alaturi un 'bagaj' pe care sa-l tin de mana si sa pot sa-l expun"...

Daca nu te accepti si nu te iubesti pe tine insuti, in viata ta nu poate exista iubire.
E exact asa de simplu.
Si nu, nu, ti-o poti livra prin altcineva, fiindca cealalta persoana va reflecta intotdeauna non-iubirea ta.
Din acest motiv esueaza atat de multe relatii: din non-iubire, din lipsa iubirii - lipsa iubirii fata de sine a fiecareia dintre parti.

Ideea ca "las' ca se gaseste cineva care sa ma iubeasca/salveze, chiar daca eu nu ma iubesc", e draguta, foarte Disney, dar nu functioneaza. Nu e valida. E destinata esecului.
Apoi, e problema obligativitatii: daca cineva nu te iubeste esti pierdut. In sensul ca trebuie sa cauti innebunit si-i obligatoriu sa gasesti pe cineva care sa te "iubeasca". Si pana la urma, daca nu te iubeste ti-e egal. Cel mai important e sa dai bine in fata familiei, sa te achiti de sarcina... Sa vada toti ca "ti-ai aranjat viata".

Si nu. Nu e deloc asa. Nu, nu "ti-ai aranjat viata". Ba din contra, nu faci decat sa ti-o strici si sa pierzi, pentru ca nu te iubesti.

In urmarirea aceasta febrila, inconstienta, a "salvatorului", te uiti pe tine pe drum. Te inlantuiesti aprobarilor exterioare si treci pe utimul plan. Iar in final, din tine ramane doar o trista umbra, un spectru fara suflet, intr-o eterna urmarire a acelei aprobari si acceptari, pe care nu ti le-ai oferit niciodata.
Si asta si pentru ca niciodata nimeni nu ti-a aratat cm s-o faci.

Viata ta va prinde culoare si vei incepe sa o traiesti cand vei incepe sa te iubesti pe tine.
Cand interiorul tau va "cantari mai mult" decat exteriorul.
Cand ideile tale vor fi clare (cu mai putine ganduri, mai putine obligatii, mai putine aparente).

Nu te lasa inselat de cei care se arunca zambind in prapastie.
Doar Lumina ta: Lumina Ta Interioara, este cheia. Doar Intelegerea ta.
De acolo va veni IUBUREA (sub forma altcuiva, sau nu).
Pentru ca odata ce a inflorit in Tine Insuti, dispare nevoia si apare abundenta. Si abundenta o imparti cu cel care, la fel ca tine, e abundent...

Tury Carpo

21/04/2025

29/01/2025

Art by• inhaarceoarts You should be proud of yourself for still trying ✨⁣⁣⁣

Kind reminder 🫶
12/04/2024

Kind reminder 🫶

The moon doesn’t have to be full and bright every night to be loved...

23/03/2024

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough, and we'll be more content when they are.
After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our partner gets his or her act together when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice holiday, when we retire.
The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?
Your life will always be filled with challenges.
It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.
A quote comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said,
"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."
This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.
So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one.
So, stop waiting until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until winter, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink.... there is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.

16/02/2024

19/01/2024

😆👀🎉

Priveste partea buna! 🥑
16/12/2023

Priveste partea buna! 🥑

Conferinta IRPI 2023 - PSIHOTERAPIA VIITORULUI
25/11/2023

Conferinta IRPI 2023 - PSIHOTERAPIA VIITORULUI

Thankful for such an interesting week.
08/10/2023

Thankful for such an interesting week.

11/09/2023

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

CREDIT Dr.Siggie - PhD - Parenting Expert

04/09/2023

When children are starting to say "no" they are actually developmentally gaining independence and realising that they have some
choices. This is a positive stage in development although is certainly doesn't feel like it at
times. If we recognise that our children want some control we shouldn't react by taking more
control away from them. This doesn't mean giving in to them, but for example, if they don't
want to have a shower, give them a choice. Do they want to have a shower before dinner or
after? For young children it might be choosing their plate even though they can't choose their dinner. They are still doing what you want but they feel that they have some control over their own life.

More information on my blog
https://www.thetherapistparent.com/post/how-to-stop-yelling



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