Harmoni & Balans

11/08/2023

07/08/2023

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27/07/2023

A letter to the very newly grieving:

First off. I am so sorry you are going through this.

I wanted to offer you tight hugs and insight from someone who has lost someone so special a little less than 4 years ago.

Breathe.

I know it’s hard but try. Inhale until you can’t anymore then slowly let it out.

Right now your brain is acting on cruise control.

Allowing you to do what needs done but also adding confusion that is kind of a layer of protection. At the funeral I remember saying to people that I don’t think it hit me yet. The reality of what just happened.

It didn’t.

It will. This is where the breathing is needed.

Because when it truly hits you will feel like you are out of control of everything in a world that rudely keeps spinning.

You need to be your own best friend. Because the reality is that nobody knows exactly how you are feeling. Not even if they lost the same person. Your relationship was unique to only you.

You will get frustrated with yourself. Because we are our own worst critics. Because you think you should be feeling better. Because people will expect you to feel better EVEN in that first few weeks. This is where that best friend comes in. Talk to yourself like you would talk to your own best friend going through the same thing.

Sometimes isolating is comforting. Because it’s hard to relate with anything in the world right now. And that’s ok. Just leave the door open a crack for your support system to check on you.

You do not owe anyone to speed your way through grief. Sure they want you to feel better because humans don’t like to see someone suffering.
BUT
It’s a process that needs to be felt and expressed. No time limits. Take it at your own pace.

People will say things. And yes it gets exhausting to give grace especially when they haven’t lost a loved one yet. Like when they say they know how we feel because they lost a cat 6 years ago. There will be lots of things they will say. Some sweet. Some very unhelpful. But again they just truly want to help us. But it feels empty when the unfixable can’t be fixed. Sometimes a hug is all we want.

Help is out there if you need it. Professionals are trained in grief therapy. It’s not a weakness. It’s a strength to ask for it. It helped me tremendously once I found the right person.

Breathe again.

There will be physical symptoms. Sleep and digestion issues. All normal. You will feel anxious because you realize that nothing is in your control. You will worry about how you will feel during holidays and anniversaries. Try to stay in the here and now. Because sometimes the anticipation is worse than the actual event.

It will feel so dark. And hopeless at times. Breathe again. There were times where I didn’t think I would see the light again even on the sunniest days. Try to write down a few things you are grateful for each day. It will be hard. Maybe it’s that you didn’t burn dinner that night. Or a baby smiled at you. Anything counts. And it will get easier. But it can help you climb out of that dark hole.

Breathe again. Grief is hardest thing we will ever go through. We loved someone with our whole heart so how couldn’t it feel like this when they pass away?

And lastly you will be told that they would want you to be happy. Which is true but..

Just remember. Take your time. We need to go through these hard and confusing emotions first to get to the place where we can smile at the memories. Just keep moving forward one foot at a time.

And give yourself all the love and care you would give to a dear friend.