10/10/2019
HEALING.
I experience healing as something very personal and individual. My healing journey is not your. And yours is noone elses either.
I feel that I'm in a place on my life journey that is healing me in every aspect.
Having loving relationships is healing my belief of being unlovable.
People reaching out to connect with me is healing the belief of being uninteresting.
Being joyful and open is healing the belief of being an annyoing bitch.
I used to be scared of changes. As a person of routine and structure I took a leap of faith and moved to a new place without any plan but being alive.
I had to start all over again. Changed profession once again and started a new life. Embracing the unknown, trusting universe.
You attract what you put out there.
I used to walk through life with my arms crossed and my heart closed. Trying to protect my broken soul and hurting body. That fear of being hurt and used attracted people hurting and using me. The more I closed of the more I got hurt.
By moving I had to reinvent myself. I had to change patterns, I forced myself to reach out, leave my comfort zone and instead of covering my heart and soul I put it out there. All open, all vulnerable. It has been a ride. A ride to self love, to radical acceptance, to embracing my weaknesses and nurturing my strength. Believeing in my own abilities and extinguishing any self doubt with love allowed love to come back to me.
It doesn't feel like a new start but coming home. Coming home to who I was before life happened to me. Coming home to my true core. To me. To love. To loving life.
All is new but also known. All is within us. The seed of a tree has all the knowledge of becoming a tree in itself. We have the knowledge of who we are within us.
By replacing the belief that looking inwards is egocentric, arrogant and bad with the knowledge that it is self-love and healthy, allowed myself to heal.