Kasia Soraya - Wise Love

28/04/2026

27/04/2026

For many years, trauma treatment emphasized telling the story—recovering memories, putting words to what happened, and making sense of the past.

But remembering alone does not resolve trauma. When the nervous system is still organized around threat, recalling the past can feel as if it is happening again in the present.

Recovery depends on something more: the ability to remain here, now, while the past is remembered as past.

The task is not simply to remember, but to come to terms with what happened without re-living it.

27/04/2026

“Genuine feelings are never the product of conscious effort. They are quite simply there, and they are there for a very good reason, even if that reason is not always apparent.”
― Alice Miller, The Body Never Lies

There is something both relieving and confronting in this.

Relieving because it dismantles the quiet violence of self-improvement culture that tells us to feel better, be more positive, regulate faster, move on.
Confronting because if feelings are not manufactured, then they are not negotiable either.

They are signals. Not symptoms to erase, but communications to understand.

In my work, across Somatic Experiencing, Internal Family Systems, and NeuroAffective Relational Model, I see this again and again:

What we call “too much,” “irrational,” or “in the way” is often exactly right, just displaced in time.

A body that tightens in intimacy is not broken.
A part that withdraws is not resistant.
A wave of grief that arrives “out of nowhere” is not random.

They are organized responses. Intelligent. Coherent. Protective.

IFS would say: there is a part carrying this feeling, and it has a reason.
NARM would ask: what adaptive pattern had to form for you to stay connected and survive?
SE would gently follow: where does this live in the body, and what happens if we don’t interrupt it?

And here’s the uncomfortable truth:

If you are trying to produce the “right” feeling, you are already out of relationship with yourself.

Because genuine feeling is not an achievement.
It is a revelation.

It doesn’t come when you try harder.
It comes when the system feels safe enough to stop managing.

So the question shifts.

Not:
“How do I change this feeling?”

But:
“What is this feeling trying to show me that I have not yet been able to bear?”

And even deeper:
“What had to happen, that this feeling became necessary?”

This is where the work becomes less about fixing and more about witnessing.

Not indulgence. Not collapse.
But a precise, attuned turning toward.

Because when a feeling is finally met without agenda, without correction it often does something surprising:

It moves.

Not because you forced it.
But because it was never meant to stay frozen, only unheard.

And that is the quiet radicalism in Miller’s words:

Your feelings are not the problem.
They are the evidence.

The real question is whether you are willing to listen.

20/03/2026

Destiny and the Ancestors Within

"We can do a little meditation on this. Close your eyes and feel your parents in your bodies. There is nothing in us that did not initially come from our parents. We are our parents. So internally we make ourselves wide until we can feel both our parents inside. And we feel them as they really are and were without wishing that they had been different somehow.
In the same way you also feel your grandparents inside you now, and the great-grandparents, all the people who belonged to the family, including those who died early. We can feel them all in our bodies. We agree to them all and to ourselves being inside our bodies. We cuddle up to them, so to speak. We let them hold us, and we become one with them. In this moment we experience our special fate: through our parents, through our ancestors, but also through our own actions and our guilt. And we agree to this fate: "Yes, this is my fate, and I agree to it."
And there is something else: Beyond our parents and ancestors, we are connected to something greater that is taking us and them into its service. This greater something allocates each one of us a special destiny, a task, and therefore also the strength to face it. Agreeing to this also, we are freed, without distraction from superficial wishes. We are filled by something greater."

- Bert Hellinger, Rising in Love: A Philosophy of Being

Art: Mother’s Lullaby
ANNIE HENRIE

20/03/2026

Introduktionsworkshop i Internal Family Systems (IFS)
– med Peter Legård Nielsen

Om du är nyfiken på IFS eller överväger att integrera det i ditt arbete är detta en gedigen och välledd introduktion.
IFS är en strukturerad och integrativ modell som jag upplever som både kliniskt användbar och djupt respektfull gentemot klientens inre komplexitet. Den blir alltmer relevant inom psykoterapi, traumaarbete och relationsinriktad praktik.

NÄR:
📅 12–13 juni 2026 (fredag–lördag)
🕙 Kl. 10.00–17.00
📍 Online via ZOOM

Internal Family Systems (IFS) är en integrativ, upplevelsebaserad och icke-patologiserande terapimodell utvecklad av Richard Schwartz, psykolog och familjeterapeut.

Modellen används idag internationellt inom psykoterapi, trauma- och relationsarbete, och erbjuder ett strukturerat sätt att arbeta med inre dynamik och förändringsprocesser.

Innehåll
Under denna introduktionsworkshop får du en sammanhållen förståelse av IFS-modellen samt en översikt av dess teoretiska grund (systemteori, anknytningsteori och traumateori).
Vi fördjupar oss i:
• Skyddande delar: managers och firefighters
• Sårbara delar: exiles
• Självet (Self)
• Terapeutens egna delar i arbetet
• Den terapeutiska relationen i IFS
• IFS som utvecklings- och behandlingsmodell

Du får också en tydlig bild av hur en IFS-process ser ut i praktiken – från första kontakt till förändringsarbete – samt hur modellen kan integreras i din egen yrkesroll.

Målgrupp
Workshopen riktar sig till:
• Psykologer och psykoterapeuter
• Studenter inom psykologi och psykoterapi
• Yrkesverksamma inom vård och behandling
• Professionella som arbetar med individer, par eller familjer
• Dig som arbetar i gränslandet mellan kropp och psyke

Upplägg
Workshopen kombinerar:
• Teoretiska genomgångar
• Praktiska övningar
• Guidad meditation
• 2 livedemonstrationer av IFS-sessioner
Kursen hålls på engelska.

Lärare
Peter Legård Nielsen
Certifierad IFS-terapeut
IFS Institute Approved Clinical Consultant
Handledare och organisatör av officiella IFS-utbildningar i Norden
Auktoriserad Advanced Rolfer
Peter kombinerar gedigen erfarenhet av IFS med en undervisningsstil som är tydlig, närvarande och engagerande — ofta med en naturlig känsla för humor.

Pris
💰 4300 SEK

Anmälan
📩 Skicka ett mejl till: peter@alle-dele-er-velkomne.dk

Mer information
🔗 https://ifs-danmark.dk/kurser/

👉 En relevant workshop för dig som vill arbeta strukturerat, resursorienterat och kliniskt förankrat med IFS – i terapi, behandling eller utvecklingsarbete.

Kurser 2 days Introductory workshop to Internal Family Systems model June Friday 12 to Saturday 13 2026 Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an integrative, experiential, and nonpathologizing therapeutic model created by the American psychologist and Family Therapist Dr. Richard Schwartz. Content In thi...

15/03/2026

There is a curious metaphor that circulates about relationships and social dynamics: the “crab basket.”

The expression does not come from clinical psychology. It comes from a simple observation made by fishermen. When crabs are placed together in a basket, none of them escape. Whenever one crab tries to climb out, the others pull it back down.

When applied to human relationships, the metaphor describes a social dynamic in which a person who is trying to grow, change, or move beyond a difficult environment encounters resistance from the people around them. Instead of encouragement, there may be subtle discouragement, irony, criticism, or pressure to “stay where you belong.” The message is often implicit: don’t outgrow the system.

What makes this dynamic particularly interesting is that it is not always driven by malice. Often it emerges from something far more human: fear, insecurity, or the discomfort that change introduces into a familiar relational field. When someone begins to evolve: emotionally, professionally, or relationally, it can unintentionally confront others with their own stalled hopes, difficult choices, or unresolved longings. A person’s growth may quietly disturb the equilibrium that held the group together.

From a psychological perspective, the metaphor overlaps with several well-studied phenomena. Normative social influence describes the pressure groups exert to maintain cohesion and conformity.

Social comparison theory suggests that people evaluate themselves relative to others, which can make another person’s upward movement feel threatening. Research on system justification and status quo bias further shows how individuals and groups often unconsciously protect existing structures, even when those structures are limiting.

So while “crab basket” is not a diagnostic term or a formal scientific concept, it is a vivid metaphor for something that social psychology has repeatedly documented: groups tend to stabilize themselves. And sometimes that stabilization happens at the expense of individual change.

Naming this dynamic can be quietly liberating. It simply means that change is unsettling the balance of a system that was organized around staying the same.

12/03/2026

TRAUMA DUMPING

“Trauma dumping" describes a situation where one person shares very intense, detailed stories of trauma or suffering with another person without checking if the listener is ready, and often in a context where that kind of depth was never agreed upon.

It usually happens suddenly, in casual conversations, at work, online, or in relationships that were never meant to carry therapeutic weight.

Despite how it may feel to the receiver, trauma dumping is rarely driven by bad intentions. More often it is an attempt at emotional regulation. A nervous system trying to release pressure. A person searching for relief, understanding, or closeness.

The difficulty appears when the other person is unintentionally placed in the role of an “emotional container” without consent or preparation.

For the listener, this can be heavy and sometimes even destabilizing. Especially if they carry their own trauma history, are emotionally depleted, or simply don’t have the resources to metabolize another person’s pain. What may arise then is overwhelm, helplessness, guilt, or the feeling that one must somehow “fix” or rescue the other.

It’s important to distinguish trauma dumping from healthy sharing of difficult experiences.

Healthy sharing includes:
– checking if the other person has the capacity to listen
– noticing the reactions of the person you are speaking with
– understanding that not every relationship is a therapeutic space

Naming trauma dumping is not about shaming people who are hurting. Quite the opposite.

It protects both sides.

For those carrying trauma, it is a reminder that their pain deserves real support in safe spaces i.e. therapy, intentional conversations, or relationships where there is mutual readiness.

For those listening, it affirms something equally important:
having boundaries does not make you cold, uncaring, or unsupportive.

Sometimes the most compassionate thing we can do, for ourselves and for others, is to respect the limits of what a relationship can hold.