http://www.kayatoastforthesoul.com/

Kaya Toast for the Soul, Singapore (2025)

25/09/2025

You know what's really rewarding for me personally as a therapist?

It's seeing couples go from being in a state of perpetual conflict and fighting.

To learning to listen and trust in each other again.

--

What an underrated thing it is - the ability to listen in to another person's heart.

Yet this small little thing can be so powerful yet.

Because when someone is hurt, the last thing they need is a lecture.

Nor an excuse for why the hurt was caused.

Nor a reason or rationale why they shouldn't be feeling hurt in the first place.

They need their hurt to be heard.

And seen and acknowledged.

--

And while this is seemingly an easy thing to do on paper..

It really isn't.

Why?

Because our own hurt often gets in the way.

Because usually it's not just one person feeling hurt, but two people feeling hurt all at the same time.

And this can also happen even if we weren't hurt in the first place.

For the very idea that we didn't do anything wrong but somehow we "caused"them to feel this way feels hurtful to us in the first place.

And especially so if it wasn't our intention.

--

So what can we try to do then?

Let's learn to hear out each other's hurt.

Even if it wasn't our intention.

For if we truly care, let's approach hurt with Curiousity.

Simply wanting to understand instead of defend.

"Can you share with me what it was that was hurtful for you?"

If possible, sharing if our hurt without dismissing theirs.

"I hear you on this, would you be okay if I shared how I feel too?"

Asking what they need from us.

"I don't want you to feel sad anymore, what can I do to make things better?"

And sharing what we need from them too.

"Can you appreciate me for being here?"

That's as a good start as any.

Taking turns to listen.

To hear what's needs to happen to repair.

Then taking the time to appreciate this act of repair in itself.

And again and again, this builds trust in each other.

Two people, that both genuinely care.

You've got this,
Hernping

🫂

P. S. Send this to someone you care about, with the words below:

"Hey I'm here, I care."

13/09/2025

Yes this is love too.

--

You see, there's a common misperception that love needs to happy, cheerful and giving all the time.

I guess that's because we commonly associate love with being happy.

With the feeling of being connected.

The feeling of warmth and gentleness.

The feeling of being there for one another.

To take away suffering.

--

Then again, life can be such a complex thing can't it?

So filled with challenges, old ones and new.

Wins may come, but so will setbacks too.

So full of disappointments, this life can be - whether it's me or you.

--

There's this wonderful couple I've been seeing for a while now.

Going through something just like the above.

Life being difficult for a while now for them too.

--

And I tell you what I truly see in them?

Love, absolute love.

Despite the times when they are down.

Despite the challenges they face whether individually or as a team of two.

Despite the conflicts or even arguments from time to time too.

Because I see the commitment they have to each other.

True acceptance too.

Love - being to take on the responsibility for each other's hearts.

Through good times and bad, happy and sad.

To take turns to speak and listen, two people truly caring for each other.

This is what love really is :)

Dedicates to D and S - you've got this.

With love,
Hernping

P. S. Dedicated to wifey too - you the best

😬

11/09/2025

"But what if they leave me?"

Someone said to me just yesterday.

And I think that's a very valid feeling as well.

The fear of abandonment.

The fear that if I upset or disappointed them that they too wouldn't stay.

But then again if that's you, let me ask you this as well.

Is your friendship predicated on the basis of you always saying "yes" and never saying "no"?

Then is that really a genuine friendship that you have at all?

---

Don't get me wrong okay?

Because when we really love someone we try to meet their needs as best as we can.

But that doesn't mean that in the process of doing so, that we just sacrifice all our needs as well.

That just makes for really one-sided relationship.

One person taking and the other just giving instead.

But that doesn't mean that relationships should be transactional too.

Because to strive for absolute fairness and reciprocity is a recipe for hell.

--

So, what makes for a healthy love then?

Well, a healthy love is one where we first understand that it's made of two people.

Two people with sometimes similar needs from each other, but often differing needs and boundaries as well.

For what is love but taking responsibility for another person's heart?

Not just you taking care of them, but allowing them to take care of yours as well.

Where we may not always see eye to eye, but still have the space for our needs to be known.

And our boundaries to be respected by them.

Because that's how a good foundation for love gets set.

A space to ask for what you deserve - and what your heart requires as well.

Take care :)
Hernping

P. S. Dedicated to SA / elmo for the inspiration for this post

Let's keep going okay :)

04/09/2025

People often say "Healing is non-linear".

As true as that is, it doesn't make healing easier at all.

In fact, sometimes I wish there was a straight and clear path to healing.

To heal once and for all.

But then that's just not the case isn't it.

Healing is full of ups and downs.

We make a change - and maybe things feel better.

Then something happens - and it all comes tumbling down.

--

To you out there struggling in this moment of your journey right now.

This post is for you okay?

It sucks to feel like things got better and then just for things to crash down again.

It's the worst especially when you feel like you're trying your best and something outside of your control seems to throw all your efforts away.

And what really really sucks is when you see yourself putting in so much effort into healing, but then just to feel like you're in the pits again.

It sucks.

It's plain disappointing.

It's "give up" material.

And as much as I want to tell you it's okay, my guess is that it really feels not okay.

--

And maybe this is just is, the part of healing no one talks about.

That healing isn't just loud and proud.

That it comes with so much tears, grief and disappointment as well.

That it's ups and downs and wounds healed and then reopened again.

Healing is downright HARD.

But maybe that's just it again.

That you out there, you're doing something really HARD right now.

And no matter how down you are, I think that's something to hold on to...

And be proud of okay?

Lots of love,
Hernping

💙

P. S. I feel alot today, maybe because I've been quite tired out lately. But what keeps me going is knowing that there's rest at the end of each day. And that it's alright if I need to rest right now too.

And the act of doing this itself? That's me still healing, and prioritising myself too :)

25/08/2025

Ever since I've known, I've always had an overly anxious mind.

A mind that constantly likes to think and think and plan and think and ruminate.

It's almost like a curse really.

To have a mind that always needs to know what's going to happen next, or otherwise feel a sense of uneasiness.

To be filled with all sorts of thoughts, including what people think of me and if I did something that might make them think bad of me.

To have never been able to fall asleep easily because my mind just doesn't seem to want to shut down.

To lose yet even more sleep if I had a bad day, with this mind of mine thinking up all sorts of catastrophes.

A mind that has riddled me with so much anxiety, frustration, anger, guilt and shame.

It gets really exhausting, having a mind such as this.

And the awful thing is also this.

Even on days when supposedly nothing is happening.

This mind of mine still likes to be active.

Be it even when I'm somewhere beautiful, like lying on a sandy beach chair looking out at waves for example.

There I can see it go.

Whirling and whirling.

--

There's a quote that has stuck with me for a while now.

It goes something like this

"The antidote to anxiety is not calm, it's trust".

What do you think about it?

--

You see, at least for me I realised this.

Why is my mind doing what it's doing?

All for the sake of keeping me safe I imagine.

And to be fair, it's done a good job all this time now.

I'm still here, aren't I?

But what it's also done is to take a way my sense of peace.

A sense of safety in the present.

Because with a mind like this, it's not easy to be present at all.

--

So these days, guess what I'm doing instead?

I've learnt to let things be.

This worrying part of me in my mind?

It's come to stand down quite a bit :)

Why? Because it doesn't need to do this job anymore - you see, it never even liked it.

So here we are, sitting in a beach chair watching the clouds drift by today.

Me and my not-so-anymore anxious mind.

Trusting that what comes, we can handle it.

Take care,
Hernping

💙☁️

20/08/2025

Am I an emotionally sensitive person?

Heck yes (high five?)

Am I proud of it? Do I see as a strength?

Now I do, but to be real for a long time I didn't too.

--

Where on earth did we learn the idea that feeling emotions deeply was a bad thing?

That the simple fact of having emotions and wanting to express and communicate them is a form of weakness on our part?

Aren't we all human?

I think there is a deeper and sinister message layered in with this too.

Because if being an emotional person is supposedly a bad thing, aren't we simply being encouraged to be emotionless people too?

--

"What a resilient person".

"Look how independent they are".

And we wonder why there is a multi-generational mentality that asking for help or seeking support is a weak point or flaw.

--

"You have such a good kid, they don't cry or make trouble at all".

(If I cry I am a burden)

"You're just being sensitive, stop being so dramatic"

(The world has no space for my feelings)

And then we wonder why we live in a multi-generation society of emotionally repressed individuals.

Where the norm is just to fit in, appear okay - where in truth we know that depression is on the rise and half of the population feels lonely.

--

You see, I once thought that sensitivity was a weakness too.

But that was because I was made to believe that it was just that.

Yet tell you what though - because this is what I've come to discover.

It was sensitivity that got me in tune with myself (when I stopped pushing it away).

It was sensitivity that allowed me to feel what others feel (that's empathy for you).

And it was sensitivity that not just healed me, but helped others heal too.

Of course, with great power comes great responsibility.

Used in the right way, our sensitivity is a superpower.

So embrace this superpower of yours okay?

And just for the sake of it - imagine a generation of us where we no longer say "stop crying".

But have learnt to say "I'm listening" too.

Ripples of an ocean.

Making waves.

That's what we are :)

Take care,
Hernping

Ps. Dedicated to our vulnerable volunteers and community at iash.sg!

13/08/2025

To be real with you, today I've been feeling quite angry and disturbed.

Feeling a little unjust because of the words of someone this week.

As some of you might know I run a mental health social enterprise.

And you know what's the hardest thing to manage about this sometimes?

It's managing the egos of other mental health professionals I have to work with.

--

This week we received a complaint from a client about one of our mental health professionals.

In all fairness, I thought the complaint was very valid.

But when I had to raise this up with one of the counsellors under our charge - all they started to do was become defensive.

Where instead of us trying to work together to understand how this client might have felt hurt or gotten distressed about the session, it was more about how it was my fault (?) or the client's instead.

The clients fault? - apparently because this Counsellor thought she was giving advice that was necessary and "needed".

(fyi I call this imposing our values)

But all it did was cause the client to feel more distressed instead..

My fault? Because apparently I should've known that this Counsellor was going through a tough time personally, that I shouldn't have sent this case to them (?)

And that they didn't get enough information about this client (so they could've avoided imposing their values?)

--

All in all this Counsellor just decided that it was not their fault and in the process decided to step down as a counsellor.

To the latter - that much I agree with. Good riddance too.

Because as professionals who work with vulnerable people, if we are unwilling to acknowledge how we might cause harm to clients or others.

Aren't we just inevitably going to cause harm without being accountable too?

That is something I'd never stand for.

As someone who first experienced lived experience and toxic therapeutic experiences myself.

And second as a mental health advocate and professional too.

--

To my fellow therapists out there, let's drop the ego please.

To people who have been victims of bad therapy.

Know that that's them, not you okay?

Take care,
Hernping

💙

P. S. I'm just going to keep going :)

10/08/2025

For a long time in my life I had serious abandonment issues.

But maybe the real problem was this.

That I spent way too much time worrying about what people thought about me and whether I fit in.

But in doing so, wasn't I just doing the very thing I was afraid of right from the very stop?

Abandoning myself for the sake of others, so I wouldn't be abandoned by them?

I guess a part of me always knew this.

And perhaps that was the part of me that was this deeply angry and resentful teen.

A chameleon of sorts, a popular wannabe.

Prioritising likes and friend counts more than I actually valued myself.

--

I had a nostalgic conversation about this with someone dear just only recently.

What sparked this was this empty feeling in me, strangely arising again.

The part of me that remembers a deep sense of a void.

And when I reflected on this empty feeling, it brought me back to this boy.

And as a slip of a tongue, I even called this version of me "trash".

That's rather harsh, that's rather mean.

It was only later that I reflected on this myself.

But this boy in me was really just doing all that he can.

Living in fear of abandonment and rejection so much so that he abandoned himself.

--

To this younger boy still in me, I'm sorry I abandoned you in the past too.

Thank you for showing up and reminding me of the things we went through.

Here, let me show you how much we've left this burden behind us too.

No longer silencing ourselves, but being authentically ourselves, all of the time and as much as we can.

And look, even though we didn't expect it, we learned that we could we loved for ourselves.

So that's just it okay?

Same for you out there too.

For what's wrong with being a messy imperfect human?

As long as we stay kind and vulnerable, I think we could be messes who are there for each other too :)

Take care,
Hernping

🏡

03/08/2025

For a long time I thought happiness was something I had to chase after.

That happiness would come one day when I finally did enough.

My happiness back then seemed to be tied to many outcomes.

Doing well in my career.

Feeling respected for what I could do.

How much I then got paid and how much I earned.

And with that if I could just achieve even more wouldn't that mean I could achieve more happiness too?

The problem came though because it felt like my happiness was tied to outcomes.

Outcomes where some of them I did reach.

Yet some of them I did not.

And the funny thing was also this, that everything I did reach an outcome I wanted..

The happiness didn't last long.

Because after that just came the next thing I needed to achieve.

And until I do that I can't allow myself to happy with what I've got.

--

I guess my honest learning of what I thought happiness was in the past.

Was that it was linked to a sense of finally "feeling enough".

But what was enough? That was something that just seemed to elude me.

Because no matter what I did, how hard I worked, it felt like I was never enough.

--

And though it took me years to unlearn this, I'm grateful for this journey into myself.

Because it's through this that I learnt that I am enough.

That I've always been enough.

And that just being me is always enough too.

And I'm happy and grateful because I've found many homes for myself too.

One with the people and dogs I love.

One where I work, but work simply because it's intrinsically important to me.

And one in my own self.

A peaceful home in my heart.

Take care,
Hernping

🏡

Grateful for a wonderful weekend and a nice outing yesterday with volunteers that have become friends at iash.sg

And a nice family day too.

Out running my Shiba soba now too.

Rest well eveyrone!

#소맥
#사람

#ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

27/07/2025

It's a funny thing, sometimes, not feeling like we want to let go of sadness.

Because for some of us, sadness has been our identity for the longest time too.

I even asked someone this week, a wonderful someone I've known for a while, saying:

"You seem happy. Are you not sad anymore?"

And tldr, they responded to me this:

"When you say that, the sadness inside of me feels invalidated, it wasn't to come out even more."

"Like it has something to prove".

--

I resonated with that, I'm even proud of them for saying this too.

Because here's the thing, I like my sadness :)

It's the part of me that feels alot, is deeply sensitive, who sees beauty in music, art, songs and people I get to meet and love.

It wasn't always like that, of course.

For once upon a time my sadness made me feel like I was constantly drowning in sorrow.

Feeling like there was absolutely no hope for a better tomorrow.

But this sadness is and always will be valid.

Because there is and will always be a part of me that has felt the pain of this.

The pain of wanting to be optimistic.

The pain of being let down, disappointed or even abandoned again.

But the truth is also this - I was letting this sadness get in the way of embracing happiness.

Because tbh, there's a part of me that equally wishes I could just be happy too.

And my deeper question is this - is it possible to embrace both sadness and happiness at the same time?

Can I embrace these both as part of "me"?

--

Yes we can, and that's what I did.

On happy days like yesterday experiencing happiness fully with our wonderful volunteer community .sg

And then quiet nights like tonight, simply spending time with the part of me that likes to mellow down a bit.

And reconnect with this part of me that remembers the pain - but now found purpose in sharing this quietly with the world instead.

Yours always,
Hernping

P. S. I think the best people are those that feel alot.

And embrace this beautiful mess that it is to be human :)

#고기주새요

19/07/2025

For you out there, struggling today.

This last week.

These last few months.

Or for a long time now.

I hope you find peace.

I hope you stay too.

Not because you owe anyone.

But because, really, there's so much more than this pain.

--

But then again, perhaps pain is all you see right now.

That's okay.

I get it too.

For all you wanted for the longest time now is peace.

And for everything that's heavy and everything that makes you feel empty at the same time to all stop.

I get that too.

But here's me reaching out my hand okay.

Keep holding on.

I'll hold you, you hold me.

All through this pain.

Until the day we finally see something more than this too.

Take care please,
Hernping

💙

Personal diary: sometimes it's really painful to have to see, hear and experience the pain people go through. And a part of me just keeps hoping that they can see beyond the pain, the shame, and whatever it is they are going through too.

But we can't rush this.

Trauma doesn't get healed in a day.

And the best thing we can do is hold out our hand.

And hope they reach back and hold on to that too.

---

10/07/2025

It's a fairly normal thing to feel wronged.

To feel unfairly treated.

To want to be fairly treated instead.

And that anger and resentment that comes up and boils inside of you?

Or perhaps that sense of frustration disappointment, and perhaps betrayal?

That's all fair as well.

But what if this "fairness" never comes?

The lack of insight, apology, or acknowledgement?

Aren't we just left we a heck lot of inner turmoil instead?

--

Sometimes when this hahapps I ask myself why I need this acknowledgement or apology from them.

The first answer - because that's only fair isn't it?

And if all becomes fair then that's a wonderful thing - because that would mean the world would all make sense again.

But when it doesn't then I'll have to ask myself again:

"Why is this acknowledgment or apology so important to me?"

And I guess my answer would then be this - because it feels unfair that my pain isn't seen.

--

Years of healing have taught me that not everybody is going to see my pain.

Not because my pain isn't real.

It definitely is.

Especially when someone has intentionally or unintentionally hurt me.

And just because they don't see this (or can't see this)

That doesn't mean the pain isn't real.

The struggle comes when trying to bring others to come to our same point of view.

Because this is a really hard thing, you see we can't control other people.

Not their actions, much lesser their perceptions.

People often want to see what they want to see, cue ego and cognitive biases too.

But that's the thing.

In learning to validate myself and know what we can and cannot stand for.

We begin to live true to ourselves too.

Doubt is stripped away, there is certainty in our direction.

Clarity amidst an uncertain world with uncertain people too.

But with time, that latter comes to matter lesser.

Because trust in yourself has been built.

That no matter the circumstance or situation, you're still choosing to be true to you.

That's what matters.

Take care,
Hernping

P. S. Still, don't lose sight of your own voice. Speak up for yourself if needed. But when your words happen to fall on deaf shoulders, know when to stand by the truth deep in you too :)

Kaya Toast for the Soul

25/09/2025

13/09/2025

11/09/2025

04/09/2025

25/08/2025

20/08/2025

13/08/2025

10/08/2025

03/08/2025

27/07/2025

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10/07/2025

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