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Kaya Toast for the Soul, Singapore (2026)

19/05/2026

A person once sat across from me, holding back tears.

Explaining why they couldn’t bring themselves to talk to their partner about something that had been hurting them for months.

“It makes me feel so guilty,” they said.
“I know they care about me… I just don’t want to upset them.”

And maybe guilt is part of the equation.

Because when you genuinely love someone, of course you don’t want to hurt them.

Of course you want them to be happy, to be well too.

But underneath the guilt, there’s often something else too.

Fear.

Fear of the reaction.
Fear of conflict.
Fear that the moment you express hurt, the atmosphere between you will suddenly change.

So instead, many people stay quiet.

They tell themselves:
“It’s not a big deal.”
“I’ll get over it.”
“I don’t want to ruin things."

And for a while, that silence can feel easier.

But over time, something painful starts happening.

You begin carrying the relationship alone inside yourself.

The hurt doesn’t disappear.
The needs don’t disappear.
The feelings don’t disappear.

They just become private.

And slowly, peace starts coming at the cost of your own voice.

But maybe peace was never meant to be the goal of a relationship.

Love is.

And love is not avoiding difficult conversations so no one ever feels uncomfortable.

Love is creating enough safety and care
for two people to exist honestly together.

Not just their feelings.
Yours too.

Your sadness.
Your disappointment.
Your fears.
Your truth.

Because if a relationship only works when one person stays silent,
then that silence is not peace.

It’s self-abandonment.

And yes, speaking honestly can feel terrifying.
It may create discomfort.
It may disappoint people.

But maybe the greater tragedy is spending your whole life rejecting parts of yourself just to avoid temporarily upsetting someone else.

So if guilt rises when you speak…
if fear rises too…

It doesn’t mean your feelings are wrong.

Maybe it simply means you care deeply.

And maybe real love is learning that honesty and care do not have to be opposites.

Take care,
Hernping

💙

10/05/2026

I wrote this tonight thinking about how healing has changed for me over the years.

For the longest time, I thought healing meant becoming someone completely different.

Someone untouched by sadness.
Untouched by fear, grief, anger, shame.

Someone who had finally “moved on.”

I thought healing meant leaving old versions of myself behind.
Outgrowing them.
Becoming better than them somehow.

--

But these days, I think differently.

I think most of my life has actually been spent walking beside older versions of myself.

The younger me who lost his mom at an early age and lost all hope in life.

The younger version of me that learned to carry everything alone.

The angry youth that blamed himself but turned it outward and hated everyone and hated the world.

The same youth who so desperately wanted to be belong.

And to be loved.

Even the adult versions of me that survived those, but never knew how to rest.

Because whatever we did never felt like enough.

It's easy to view these past versions of me with shame.

But strangely…

I don’t look at them with shame at all.

Not do I see them as some sort of proof that I’m broken.

If anything, I think I finally understand them now.

Because the truth is, those versions of me were trying their best with what they knew at the time.

They weren’t weak.
They did their best.
They kept surviving.

And maybe healing was never about abandoning those parts of ourselves.

Maybe it’s about finally turning toward them.
Listening to them.
Thanking them for getting us here.

And then gently saying:

“You don’t have to carry this alone anymore.”

So these days, healing feels less like becoming someone new.

And more like learning how to walk forward
with every version of myself beside me.

Forward, step by step, all of us together.

Take care,
Hernping

💙

P. S. Sometimes I even draw strength from these parts me knowing what they've gone through. And I hear these parts of me whispering...

"Keep going".

And so I keep going :)

07/05/2026

A client and I explored an interesting question in counselling today:

“Are we just made out of our past selves?”

And honestly, I think many of us live as though we are.

The same body.
The same hands.
The same thoughts and insecurities.
The same memories replaying themselves internally.

Sometimes it can feel like we simply wake up as yesterday’s self again.

The same person wearing the same clothes.
Going through the same routines.
Carrying the same emotional reactions and stories about ourselves.

“I’ve always been this way.”
“This is just who I am.”
“I always react like this.”

And

"I'm the same old failure".

--

So I asked him gently:

“If the version of you from five years ago still exists… where does he exist right now?”

He thought for a moment before replying:

“In my brain.”

And so we slowed down further.

Right now, you can notice your thoughts.
Your emotions.
Your memories.
You can notice old narratives saying:

“I am not enough.”
“I am broken.”
“I am unlovable.”

But then I asked him:

“Who is noticing all of this?”

Who is noticing the thoughts?
Who is noticing the memories?
Who is noticing the same hands from yesterday?

And...

WHO is noticing your brain conjuring up all of this?

And slowly, something shifted.

--

Because if your past self can be observed, then perhaps you are not only your past self continuing endlessly forward.

There is also a “YOU” here right now.

The consciousness that looks out behind your two eyes.

The one looking out at the world in this present moment.

The you that is noticing the thoughts, emotions, and old stories as they arise.

And perhaps healing begins there.

Not by erasing the past.

But by realizing you are more than the old narratives moving through your mind.

:)

You've got this,
Hernping

🙏🙏

P.s. For DK

23/04/2026

Wrote this poem just this week, been thinking about the many people I've come to speak with.

Shame that lingers, shame that was not lost. Shame that still lasts while the years have gone on.

And maybe over time, you and I have learned to process it all. I hope that's true for you, cause a life of shame is not a life at all.

And that's that little talked about grief that sets in. The years that have gone by, years that we've lost and not lived.

Wondering maybe if things happened differently would I still be the same?

Maybe I could live a life without so much anguish and pain.

Now these are a lot for any one person to take, but to you out there going through the same?

I see you.

I feel you.

I want you to know you are heard.

Because we children of same don't deserve to be alone in this all.

You deserve better.

I hope you find healing.

And I hope one day you'll get to tell the child inside you.

"You were never to blame".

(you were just a child)

With love,
Hernping

☁️

15/04/2026

“I think I've failed therapy.”

Was what someone once said to me just this week.

And when you sit with this statement...
there’s usually so much underneath this.

Where maybe it means:
“I thought I’d be further along by now.”

Or otherwise:
“Why am I still like this?”

“Maybe I’m me. Maybe I'm just a failure.”

--

And I get it.

Because somewhere along the way,
many of us learned that healing is something we’re supposed to get “right.”

That if we try hard enough,
we should be able to stop feeling this way.

Stop reacting this way.

Stop being this way.

So when the pain comes back…
when the patterns repeat…
when we find ourselves back in familiar places—

It doesn’t feel like part of the process.

It feels like failure.

---

But here’s the truth we’re not often told:

You CAN'T fail therapy.

Because therapy isn’t about becoming a perfect version of yourself.

It’s about slowly understanding
why you are the way you are.

It’s about sitting with parts of you
that were never allowed to be seen.

It’s about learning, over and over again,
how to respond differently.

Even if it’s just 1% or even 0.01% at a time.

Healing isn’t measured by how perfectly you show up.

It’s measured in those small, quiet shifts:

Catching yourself a little earlier.

Softening instead of attacking yourself.

Staying with a feeling instead of running from it.

And yes… sometimes not changing at all—
but finally understanding why.

Even that is growth and movement me.

So when you say, “I failed therapy,”
maybe what you really mean is:

“I’m still in pain.”

“I’m still learning.”

“I haven’t given up, even though it’s hard.”

And that?

That’s not failure.

That’s what healing actually looks like.

A thousand tiny moments
of choosing something different
than what your trauma once taught you.

Just like I did.

Just like I'm still doing.

Just like to me.

Take care,
Hernping

💙

P. S. Dedicated to DK - you showed up. That's what matters.

27/03/2026

I see you there, shrinking yourself to fit in.

Yet feeling so alone and isolated.

Because you've hidden your real self away from everyone.

People around you happy, soothed, you've done well to keep the peace.

But yet, life feels so painful.

Because you're living a life unseen.

But maybe you and I, us staying small wasn't something we did out of choice.

Maybe it was how we stayed safe.

How we learned how to read the room.

How to not be “too much.”

How to keep the peace, even if it meant losing parts of yourself.

And it worked.

It kept you from conflict.

From rejection.

From being seen in ways that once didn’t feel safe.

---

But then again... safe… isn’t the same as living.

Thriving.

Because when your life becomes about not disappointing others,

We slowly start disappearing from our own story.

We hold back our voice.

Our needs.

Our truth.

And the question becomes —

is that really a life you want to live?

--

Because the truth is, if you start showing up as yourself,

Some people will be disappointed.

There will be naysayers.

There will be people who preferred the quieter, smaller version of you.

But maybe the real cost isn’t disappointing them.

Maybe the real cost is spending your whole life
rejecting yourself.

And never allowing your real self to exist, to succeed.

--

So slowly, gently — find the courage.

To speak, even if your voice shakes.

To take up space, even if it feels unfamiliar.

To choose yourself, even when it feels wrong at first.

Rejection might come.

Discomfort will come.

But so will something else.

A life that actually feels like yours.

People who meet the real you.

Moments where you don’t have to shrink to belong.

I hope you give yourself that chance.

--

I hope you outgrow the spaces that asked you to stay small.

I hope you find people who don’t need you to be less to be loved.

I hope, one day, choosing yourself feels natural instead of scary.

And until then —
I hope you keep going.

Take care,
Hernping

💙

P. S. For my client A, who finally found his voice and bravely spoke it again.

22/03/2026

Hi there, I'd like to report that I'm tired!

Even though it's only March, it's already been quite the year.

So many new things that we've been building at .sg

New initiatives like Open Door Evenings where we will be running fortnightly community get-togethers every other Wednesday.

Come join and say hi pls!

New workshops that we will be rolling up the public and ones that we are working with stakeholders.

We're even turning the event space at iash into a little art studio / shop

(calling all artists in singapore if you'd like to collab).

Plus, I've got my own consultancy projects that I handle as well on the organizational psychology side 😢

So I'm officially tired.

But you know what?

I'm happily tired.

Because even though this has been quite the endless hill to climb, it's been the most meaningful climb of my life.

So I'm going to keep climbing.

Maybe take little more breaks here and there.

Maybe take more pauses to simply draw like I drew this post here of my two lovely dogs and me and my younger self.

And rest and relax.

And then keep climbing.

You know, there's a popular quote about how it's about the journey, not the destination.

You know what I think actually?

I think that quote forgets to account for the person on that journey to that destination.

You, and me, each on our journeys.

Who we've already become because we have been on this journey.

And how we feel about who we are becoming onward to what this destination is.

To reflect on this, to take stock on this.

To adjust and pivot if needed.

To rest if needed too.

And then we keep going.

Esp if it matters.

Take care,
Hernping

P. S. Thank goodness hired a new community and workshop lead for iash.sg - retirement here I come!!!

15/03/2026

For a long time now, I thought becoming “good enough” almost meant I had to become someone else.

Someone easier.

Someone less complicated.

Someone people wouldn’t struggle to love.

So I kept trying to fix myself.

Trying to sand away all my flawed edges.

Trying to be smaller, calmer, better.

Someone easier to get along with.

---

Because if people kept leaving.

And somehow I'm still not where I want to be.

Or who I want to be.

Then maybe all along.

The problem is still me.

Still not good enough.

--

But maybe the truth is.

That all this time, I wasn’t actually trying to become good enough.

I was more trying to prove that I was deserving of love.

Deserving to be seen.

Deserving to be understood.

Deserving of not being put down, abandoned or constantly feeling like I was a problem to be criticized.

--

And maybe becoming "good enough" was never the question to begin with.

Because the truth is — you and I...

We shouldn't need to prove that we deserve to exist.

We shouldn't need to earn the right to be here.

We just are.

We're here existing, all mere fellow human beings.

Never ever going to be "perfect".

Never ever going to flawless.

Never ever going to be without wounds.

But still good enough as it is.

Because all those things just point to us being human.

And learning that we are a "good enough"?

Maybe it’s more about finally understanding that we were never a mistake to begin with.

We were all children once.

Worthy of love.

Worthy of existing.

Growing up shouldn't change that.

Still worthy of love.

Still worthy of existing.

Just as we are.

Take care,
Hernping

💙

06/03/2026

I see you sit with it sometimes — that weight, that echo, that voice from the past that won’t quiet down.

To me as the one hearing it? It's loud. It's dark. It's heavy.

I'll admit that, no doubt.

But compared to what you feel, that's nothing.

Because to you, it feels like everything.

---

And don't get me wrong.

I believe it when you say it is.

All the pain, all the mistakes, all the things you couldn’t control…

All the suffering, all the brokenness you feel.

Where it doesn't matter if they were things that happened from the distant past.

Or if they were things that happened not too long ago too.

But because of what happened, you can't help but see that...

These are the very things that seem to so loudy define you right now.

---

P. S. I have a client tell me they feel like a blight in the universe today.

I feel for them.

---

But listen closely okay, and this is me not trying to convince you too.

But my hope is that there will be moments in your day when you realize that as loud as it feels and sounds.

That it doesn’t mean it's all true.

You are not your trauma.

You are not your fear.

You are not the words that hurt, the silences that stung, the nights you cried alone.

You are the one who is still here.

And I see you.

---

The one who still breathes.

The one who still feels, still hopes, still reaches for something better.

Even when it feels impossible, even when the past seems to shout over your every thought —
there is light inside you.

Quietly, persistently, waiting for you to notice it.

And one day, maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe next year —

I hope things change for you.

Not because the past is gone, but because you deserve a better future.

For now, know that being here, being you, is more than enough.

💙

P. S. For N, for C - I'll be first in line to buy your book when it comes out :)

18/02/2026

I don't know about you but there were days in my past where I felt like I was a mistake.

Whether it's with friends or family

I was a mistake seemingly unwanted by them all.

--

It's the little things you know?

Sometimes feeling like I didn't say the right thing to fit in.

Other times, feeling like I couldn't resonate with what people were talking about (e. g. Football)

Sometimes, wondering if I'm being too sensitive about what people say.

And if it was sensitive ol' me feeling this way.

So I try my best to smile through it all.

--

But then there were moments that made this apparent too.

Like seeing my "friends" hanging out without me.

Somehow not invited.

So I guess, maybe it's true after all.

That indeed, I'm a mistake.

Someone to be forgotten and erased, a mess nobody wants to see anymore.

--

But across my life I've learnt something deeply important:

Feeling like a mistake often comes from deep need of trying to belong

Especially so when we try to fit into spaces that were never meant for us.

Spaces that don’t see our softness.

Or align with with who we are.

Our values, our sensitive, our depth.

Our way of loving and existing in the world.

And just because this isn't recognised, it doesn’t make us wrong.

It makes the spaces that we tried so hard to fit into, the perfectly wrong spaces for us too.

And to you out there, going through this hurt right now.

This rejection.

I know it aches.

It leaves marks.

It makes hope feel dangerous.

--

But even so — my wish to you is that you don't give up okay?

Because just because we’ve been misunderstood,

overlooked,

or left behind

It doesn’t mean there aren’t people and places
that will love us for exactly who we are.

I've found mine.

And you will find yours too :)

With kindness,
Hernping

❤️

P. S. One of the new initiatives we are coming up with is to open up .sg as a third space every Wed fortnightly for people to come mingle, be mindful, talk and find a belonging.

I hope to see you there friend.

Maybe we can be friends too :)

11/02/2026

Because some of us have been tired for a very long time.

Tired of being strong.

Tired of understanding everyone else.

Tired of carrying things we never should’ve had to carry in the first place.

--

Some of us grew up too fast.

Some of us loved people who couldn’t love us back properly.

Some of us kept going even when quitting would’ve made sense.

And no one really saw it.

--

But we know.

We know the nights we held ourselves together.

The mornings we showed up anyway.

The quiet battles no one clapped for.

So when I say I hope we find an ending we deserve..

I mean I hope we find peace that doesn’t feel temporary.

Love that doesn’t feel conditional.

Friendships that don’t require shrinking.

Work that doesn’t cost us our soul.

--

I hope we find spaces where our nervous system doesn't feel like it's constantly under fire.

Where joy doesn’t feel suspicious.

Where we don’t have to keep proving we’re worthy of staying.

Not because we were perfect.

But because we endured.

Because we softened instead of hardened.

Because we kept choosing to try again.

Because we’re still here.

--

And maybe the ending we deserve

isn’t some grand reward.

Maybe it’s simply this:

A life where we feel safe being ourselves.

Take care,
Hernping

💙

Kaya Toast for the Soul

19/05/2026

10/05/2026

07/05/2026

23/04/2026

15/04/2026

27/03/2026

22/03/2026

15/03/2026

06/03/2026

18/02/2026

11/02/2026

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