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Kaya Toast for the Soul, Singapore (2026)

31/12/2025

How do I feel about the year ending? I guess I haven't really thought about it that much.

All I know is that today is today.

Tomorrow is going to be tomorrow.

And I'll keep doing what I love.

--

But I thought I'd take some time to send my best wishes to all of you in the above.

Cause after all, aren't we just traveling through time together?

You and me, right here and right now?

And I guess in that sense that's what is most important to me.

That you're here.

And that I'm here too.

And together, we will embrace whatever is to come :)

Happy new year!
Hernping

--

P. S. You can purchase these posts as a 2026 calendar in the link below!

Proceeds will go to providing my dogs, soba and Mandu, with nutritious snacks to come :)

www.feelsobaandmandu.com

(not a real link)

Bye!

28/12/2025

Here's a post on what I do when I feel overwhelmed.

Because when I'm overwhelmed, it oftens feel like I'm in a state of struggle.

Like something very dangerous is happening right at this moment too.

So my mind and body starts to go on high alert.

My nervous system full on activated.

Panicking, anxious, overwhelmed.

Something needs to be done.

Right now! But what? I don't know!

--

Most of us who have never been allowed to feel our feelings will see them as threats.

Threats that show up suddenly, or triggered by someone or something that just happened.

And what do we do?

We react to it, just like we've always done.

Fight, flight, freeze, fawn - you know the drill.

--

But here's the thing, is your reaction actually serving to help make things better?

Or is your reaction something you've been conditioned to do for a long time now?

For example, fighting - it might mean we go into overthinking and panic mode

When we freeze, we try our best to distract or numb away our fears.

But what happens to this part of you that carries a very valid fear?

Does it just somehow up and disappear?

--

Nope, because all we are doing is delaying the inevitable.

That part of you?

That feeling there?

It carries a message desperately needing you to hear.

Go to it.

Turn inward to this part of you instead.

They are activated because there is a very real threat, a very real fear.

And the more we try to get rid of it - the more it pushes back.

Saying to us "why aren't you listening! Can't you see this is important?"

--

So listen.

These parts of you may not know how best to communicate this message to you.

Understandably of course, especially if you've been pushing these parts away of yours for years.

But you can learn, we can all learn.

Go in, to that part inside of you that fears.

Listen, just as you would to a small child you hold dear.

And then, only then, will you find true comfort.

Knowing that you're not alone in this discomfort.

That you have you, and your parts have you.

Never alone, all of you, learning to be connected.

Take care,
Hernping

P. S. Dedicated to my clients doing this very difficult work with me :)

21/12/2025

I think there's alot of us out there.

Spending our lives thinking, worrying and caring alot for the people around us.

So much so that there are days like these when we just feel tired.

Perhaps broken.

When I say care - it doesn't haven't to mean that actively supporting someone too.

It can also mean that we are on a constant look out for their emotions.

Making sure they aren't getting upset or mad or angry.

Making sure that they are alright.

So somehow you can be alright too.

And you know, that's just downright tiring.

Being a carer for others.

Especially when it feels like no one is caring for you in return to.

--

To you out there.

I see you.

You deserve to be acknowledged.

And just like I did tonight, let's maybe take a moment to turn inward to that part within ourselves that's carrying this burden.

And say:

"I'm acknowledge that we feel tired today."

"We deserved to be cared for too".

Take care,
Hernping

P. S. See if you can get a sense of letting go of the need to struggle with this part of you. That it's okay to be tired. That it's okay to allow this tired part of you to just be there too.

Because it's not there to just complain or whine or be a nuisance. It's there because it's coming from a very valid place inside of you :)

15/12/2025

"They should have tried harder".

"It's their fault we suffered so much".

Was what someone said to me about their seven year old self.

Which to tell you the truth, at times truly breaks my heart.

And no doubt, this person went through really hard things in life.

From being diagnosed with a chronic physical condition from when they were a child.

Having to spend much of their childhood in a hospital setting.

Then still having to juggle school somehow.

And it's no wonder with the weight of the world on this young person's shoulders.

They started to face various forms of childhood depression and anxieties.

Feeling like a burden to their family, to others.

And at the mere age of seven and onwards.

Started to wonder to themselves.

"Wouldn't it be better if I wasn't here?"

"If I left this world and disappeared?"

:(

--

You were but a child, still learning how to name your feelings.

Still figuring out the world.

Still needing others, lacking the ability to look after yourself.

And yet somehow, years on - the blame still landed on yourself.

"I should have tried harder then".

You said.

Then maybe all of this wouldn't happen.

But you were a child.

You needed guidance, love and protection.

Know that as children, you don't know the things you know now.

But yet for some reason, you experienced what you did.

And you turned the blame inward.

But it's not your fault that you did.

Because you were a child - you just wanted to be loved and accepted.

Like all children do.

To be accepted just as you are.

To be told that you were enough.

And feel enough.

And to never feel like a burden.

--

"It's not your fault".

To that person, I hope you know this.

"It's not your fault, it's not your fault."

You were only doing your best.

"It's not your fault that this happened to you".

No one would ever choose this.

And my biggest hope for you out there today, to whoever you are.

"None of this is your fault".

I hope someday, you'll feel this.

With love,
Hernping

Ps. Dedicated to S - and Lil ping too :)

10/12/2025

It's funny sometimes, how uneasy it makes me feel.

When I know that someone out there is upset at me.

It's like a silent alarm goes off, inside of me.

My body reacting to the sudden loss of "peace".

A tight chest.

A sinking stomach.

A rush to somehow fix and control whatever it is.

--

And I know it's not because I’m controlling by nature.

I sure as heck know I'm definitely not.

But because something inside me tells me that any sign of potential conflict meant danger.

That losing someone’s approval or appreciation meant losing safety to me.

--

But here’s what I guess I’m still slowly learning:

That people being upset with me doesn't mean I’m unsafe.

That their disappointment or unhappiness doesn't have to be a threat.

Nor is it something I have to fix.

That sometimes even if I try my best, people are inevitably still going to get upset.

But that responsibility is for them to manage, my responsibility is to manage being "me".

And never to again lose "me".

--

So cognizantly I try, whenever the uneasiness arises.

I place a hand on my heart and tell that old part of me:

“You’re not in danger anymore.”

“You don’t have to fix this right now.”

“People are allowed to feel what they feel.”

But for me, the most important thing I can do in this moment.

Is to know that I'm being true to what matters deeply to me.

Take care,
Hernping

💙

P. S. Had to let a counsellor go recently due to unethical behaviour (again) and that bothered me quite a bit.

But I guess what I'm proud of is that this feeling, though valid, came up for just a bit.

And then, though it stayed for a while I could let if go off on its own.

Knowing that stood for my values and my beliefs.

:)

08/12/2025

Someone asked me the other day, "If someone needs help but I don't feel like I can help them - does that make me a bad person?"

And I hope you know the answer is this.

No, it definitely does not.

And it's definitely doesn't mean you're bad and unkind too.

--

We are all human.

And in our humanness we only have so much energy each and everyday.

That level of energy?

That's not for anyone else to define - only you can.

Because only you know you at the end of the day.

So if you feel like you're up to it and have the capacity, go for it :)

Shine that light for others, be a presence, you can even guide the way.

But even for myself, because I'm only human.

Sometimes I have to accept that I have to say no and know that that's okay.

--

So don't feel pulled to over stretch yourself.

Just because someone is in need and someone doesn't feel okay.

Your presence matters, of course it does.

But first check in with yourself and see if today is such a day.

And if it's not, then it's not selfish to turn your care inward.

You deserve all the care you that you give others too.

And know that by doing that, you're also doing what's best.

To fill your own cup so that when you have enough for yourself.

Then and only then you can share some of that with others too.

Take care,
Hernping

P.s. You've got this - keep going!

26/11/2025

A reminder for hard days.

Like today.

--

We may not know it now, but in time we are going to be okay.

Hernping

💙

💙

💙

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💙

Today is my birthday.

I like my birthday.

I hate my birthday.

Like some of you out there, my birthday is a struggle for me too.

A day of incredible inner conflict.

A part of me wanting to just be happy and celebrate.

A part of me remembering all the trauma from the past on this particular day too.

--

So I found myself with a war in my head today.

Many parts of me struggling to gain control of the current situation.

But as conflicts do, I couldn't find any reconciliation.

And continued to struggle more and more too.

"I should be happy today."

"Why am I not happy".

--

So you know what?

To be honest, I don't have an answer for this just yet.

No answer for "how to make today any better".

But maybe that's just it too.

That I can just let today be whatever it is right now.

And at least not struggle so much in vain.

And to stop being at war with myself too.

--

Still figuring it out too.

Take care,
Hernping

20/11/2025

You know what I love?

I love authentic conversations.

I guess that's why I love my work so much.

Being able to be present with someone willing to be vulnerable.

Then the willingness to be vulnerable myself.

And there we are - creating a space to just be seen.

Because I think for many of us, the idea of taking up space seems to be downright scary.

The idea of being too much.

Whether it's being too loud, too much or too proud

And even ironically even being too quiet?

The fear of rejection and judgment makes us weary.

--

I think there's so much importance in being accepted for who we are.

Not having to try so hard to just fit in.

For it's a very lonely thing to feel sometimes.

That the only way we can be accepted is by being someone else.

--

You were never meant to fit into tiny spaces.

Your feelings, your voice, your existence —
they were all meant to be seen.

But I get it, that might seem impossible to some of out there.

Especially if we've been hurt before for just being "me".

--

To you out there, I want you to know that that shouldn't have happened.

That the world shouldn't fall apart when you show up as yourself.

I hope you continue, to be authentically yourself.

The wrong people will leave.

But the right ones will come in.

P. S. Forgive yourself for the times you didn't know better. Aren't we all on a learning journey together too?

It's not your fault that no one ever taught you what's right or what's wrong - you did what you had to fit in. And my biggest hope is don't give up on that part which is truly yourself.

You can be loved.

You will be loved.

Just as you are.

You deserve to be seen.

Take care,
Hernping

19/11/2025

When people say, “Just ask for help,”
They often don't see the whole story behind the silence.

They don’t see the child who learned that they were too "weak" or too "sensitive".

They don’t see the teenager who stopped sharing because it was always “the wrong time.”

They don’t see the young adult who kept everything together just to avoid being a burden.

All they see is the silence.

But you and I?
We know what lives underneath that silence.

Fear.
Shame.
The inadequate feeling of being a burden.

--

Because for many of us, especially those shaped by trauma, asking for help was never safe.

We learned early on that needing something meant
being a burden.
being “too much.”
And being met with silence, anger, or disappointment.

So we carried everything ourselves.

We became the strong one.
The one who doesn’t “need” anything.

But here’s the thing nobody tells you:

That wasn’t strength.
That was merely survival.

--

But here’s the lesson I’ve had to learn — slowly, painfully, gently:

Asking for help doesn't make us a burden.

Asking for help can also be an invitation.

It says:
“I trust you enough to let you see me.”
“I'm scared by I'm still going to let you in."
“And I’m letting you into my world — not to fix it, but to walk with me.”

Help is not a debt someone pays.

Help is a bridge.

A moment of connection we were never taught to believe we deserved.

—

So these days?

I honour the part of me that still hesitates.
That still fears being “too much.”
That still prepares for disappointment.

But with the right people - I've learnt to ask for help anyway.

And little by little, asking for help becomes less about being a burden—
and more about letting myself be human.

Take care,
Hernping

💙

P. S. I'm feeling sick today and actually felt bad about having to cancel some of my meetings and reschedule my sessions. But that's just me - a part of me that doesn't want to trouble people.

How nice it is to be met with care when I told them this truth instead.

And now I have the time and space to rest.

And the knowledge that I'm loved and okay.

09/11/2025

To anyone out there thinking you're behind.

You're not alone.

That was me for a long while too.

Failing out of my first year in junior college.

Doing horribly for my university entrance exams too.

Then when I got to uni, I failed three consecutive semesters before I finally found what I wanted to do.

Finally stumbling into psychology - a subject I could finally really resonate with.

But by the time I was done with my masters?

I was OLD.

Moreover, taking into consideration having to do compulsory national military in Singapore too.

And the fact that I studied and worked overseas in Australia?

By the time I got out to work..

I was so much older than my peers.

--

To tell you the truth, the inferiority complex hit me real hard.

It's never a nice feeling to feel so behind eveyrone else.

"It's okay you can go at your pace."

"You don't need to compare yourself to others."

As much as I like it how that sounds, I just couldn't internalize it back then.

You see, the truth is I was a failure.

While everyone around me seemed to be edging forward.

There I was, floundering.

Falling behind.

--

You see, the big lesson I've learned is all those quotes and all those anecdotes don't mean a single thing.

Not at least if you don't believe it yourself.

And for a long time now, I've carried this part of me.

The part that languishing in failure and shame of falling behind.

And I don't dismiss it, because to dismiss would be to neglect it.

Instead I go to it, and recognise it's pain.

And I say:

"Thank you for carrying this burden all this time. Heck it wasn't easy at all hey?"

"I don't know how you did it, it you kept going. Well done."

"Now look at where we are, not rich, not successful, but we're happy being ourselves."

"Not running any kinda race that we never would've wanted to run."

"Instead we've been doing our own thing now - and boy has it been so much fun."

And this part of me tapped into the present joy that I feel too.

Knowing it had survived.

It had done so much.

And that "behind" was a concept.

That was never meant for us.

Take care,
Hernping

:)

💙

06/11/2025

There's a funny thing that goes on when we view our day as a "bad day".

Somehow that sits uncomfortably with us.

That today is "bad".

Perhaps because it's accompanied by so called "bad" feelings too.

And in all that discomfort, we want it to change.

But sometimes try as we might.

Nothing makes it any better.

And the more we try, and the more we fail.

It feels even more and more NOT OKAY.

That today is a bad day.

And that's not okay.

--

You see, there is a saying that I like a lot

And it goes like this.

"The solution is often the problem."

What does that even mean?

--

Well, take a bad day for example

We think the bad day is the "problem".

That it is something to be solved.

But what does it mean to solve it then?

It means to somehow change whatever we are feeling into something else.

To somehow change a bad day into a good one too.

--

But here's the thing, don't you realize?

That the more you struggle with this so called problem, the worser your day becomes.

"Why can't I make today into a better one?!"

"Why don't I feel better about right now?"

And in trying solve what we think is the problem, we make the problem into an EVEN BIGGER one.

--

Because you see, feelings are meant to be something to be solved in the first place at all.

Feelings are meant for us to FEEL.

To sit with.

Yes, even the feelings you feel right now.

So, if you're having a bad day today, I hope you try this instead.

First to know that to force yourself to feel any different from what you are feeling now is to make the problem worse.

And second to know that whatever it is you're feeling right now, acknowledge that they are there right now.

You can still have a day.

And in this day, go do what you need for yourself.

Be kind to yourself.

Rest.

Eat well.

Do your favourite thing.

Or even do nothing at all.

All are okay.

Just don't do all those things to try and "make" yourself feel better.

It's okay to just have a day.

All while knowing that in you accepting today just as such.

You're giving yourself the rest you need.

And the capacity to tackle tomorrow as it comes.

Take care,
Hernping

02/11/2025

This is a post for everyone out there on your healing journey.

It's really not an easy one to have undertaken at all.

As someone myself who has been in therapy for so MANY years.

I know how hard it is to keep going and keep your head down.

--

To have to keep believing that this'll somehow work out.

Even when there are times when all your hopes are knocked down.

To somehow then have to pick yourself up again.

Even when at that point all you really want to do is give up and lie down.

--

But remember this always, that it's totally okay to take a pause.

That it's okay too when it gets to hard and you have to give up for now.

Because that just means that you're catching your breath again.

And on this long journey, it's perfectly okay to feel tired and down.

But to your out there who is still going on despite all of this.

Be it that life has been relentless in terms of setbacks.

Or even if the people who are meant to be on this journey with you have you let down.

I honour you.

You, the person who keeps going on.

Putting on those metaphorical shoes again and again, and still not giving up.

And I hope that you be rewarded for all this that you do.

Tired, fearful, but yet you kept going.

You deserve for things to get better.

For all these steps that you've took.

Take care,
Hernping

P. S. I went out tonight for a run to unwind, but quickly realized I was too tired from what has been a long week. So I stopped running, and just started walking. And while I know I'm not getting the exercise I initially wanted, I'm glad I slowed down - just to make time for myself, so I can keep going.

Kaya Toast for the Soul

31/12/2025

28/12/2025

21/12/2025

15/12/2025

10/12/2025

08/12/2025

26/11/2025

20/11/2025

19/11/2025

09/11/2025

06/11/2025

02/11/2025

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