Kaya Toast for the Soul (2025)

20/08/2025

Am I an emotionally sensitive person?

Heck yes (high five?)

Am I proud of it? Do I see as a strength?

Now I do, but to be real for a long time I didn't too.

--

Where on earth did we learn the idea that feeling emotions deeply was a bad thing?

That the simple fact of having emotions and wanting to express and communicate them is a form of weakness on our part?

Aren't we all human?

I think there is a deeper and sinister message layered in with this too.

Because if being an emotional person is supposedly a bad thing, aren't we simply being encouraged to be emotionless people too?

--

"What a resilient person".

"Look how independent they are".

And we wonder why there is a multi-generational mentality that asking for help or seeking support is a weak point or flaw.

--

"You have such a good kid, they don't cry or make trouble at all".

(If I cry I am a burden)

"You're just being sensitive, stop being so dramatic"

(The world has no space for my feelings)

And then we wonder why we live in a multi-generation society of emotionally repressed individuals.

Where the norm is just to fit in, appear okay - where in truth we know that depression is on the rise and half of the population feels lonely.

--

You see, I once thought that sensitivity was a weakness too.

But that was because I was made to believe that it was just that.

Yet tell you what though - because this is what I've come to discover.

It was sensitivity that got me in tune with myself (when I stopped pushing it away).

It was sensitivity that allowed me to feel what others feel (that's empathy for you).

And it was sensitivity that not just healed me, but helped others heal too.

Of course, with great power comes great responsibility.

Used in the right way, our sensitivity is a superpower.

So embrace this superpower of yours okay?

And just for the sake of it - imagine a generation of us where we no longer say "stop crying".

But have learnt to say "I'm listening" too.

Ripples of an ocean.

Making waves.

That's what we are :)

Take care,
Hernping

Ps. Dedicated to our vulnerable volunteers and community at iash.sg!

13/08/2025

To be real with you, today I've been feeling quite angry and disturbed.

Feeling a little unjust because of the words of someone this week.

As some of you might know I run a mental health social enterprise.

And you know what's the hardest thing to manage about this sometimes?

It's managing the egos of other mental health professionals I have to work with.

--

This week we received a complaint from a client about one of our mental health professionals.

In all fairness, I thought the complaint was very valid.

But when I had to raise this up with one of the counsellors under our charge - all they started to do was become defensive.

Where instead of us trying to work together to understand how this client might have felt hurt or gotten distressed about the session, it was more about how it was my fault (?) or the client's instead.

The clients fault? - apparently because this Counsellor thought she was giving advice that was necessary and "needed".

(fyi I call this imposing our values)

But all it did was cause the client to feel more distressed instead..

My fault? Because apparently I should've known that this Counsellor was going through a tough time personally, that I shouldn't have sent this case to them (?)

And that they didn't get enough information about this client (so they could've avoided imposing their values?)

--

All in all this Counsellor just decided that it was not their fault and in the process decided to step down as a counsellor.

To the latter - that much I agree with. Good riddance too.

Because as professionals who work with vulnerable people, if we are unwilling to acknowledge how we might cause harm to clients or others.

Aren't we just inevitably going to cause harm without being accountable too?

That is something I'd never stand for.

As someone who first experienced lived experience and toxic therapeutic experiences myself.

And second as a mental health advocate and professional too.

--

To my fellow therapists out there, let's drop the ego please.

To people who have been victims of bad therapy.

Know that that's them, not you okay?

Take care,
Hernping

💙

P. S. I'm just going to keep going :)

10/08/2025

For a long time in my life I had serious abandonment issues.

But maybe the real problem was this.

That I spent way too much time worrying about what people thought about me and whether I fit in.

But in doing so, wasn't I just doing the very thing I was afraid of right from the very stop?

Abandoning myself for the sake of others, so I wouldn't be abandoned by them?

I guess a part of me always knew this.

And perhaps that was the part of me that was this deeply angry and resentful teen.

A chameleon of sorts, a popular wannabe.

Prioritising likes and friend counts more than I actually valued myself.

--

I had a nostalgic conversation about this with someone dear just only recently.

What sparked this was this empty feeling in me, strangely arising again.

The part of me that remembers a deep sense of a void.

And when I reflected on this empty feeling, it brought me back to this boy.

And as a slip of a tongue, I even called this version of me "trash".

That's rather harsh, that's rather mean.

It was only later that I reflected on this myself.

But this boy in me was really just doing all that he can.

Living in fear of abandonment and rejection so much so that he abandoned himself.

--

To this younger boy still in me, I'm sorry I abandoned you in the past too.

Thank you for showing up and reminding me of the things we went through.

Here, let me show you how much we've left this burden behind us too.

No longer silencing ourselves, but being authentically ourselves, all of the time and as much as we can.

And look, even though we didn't expect it, we learned that we could we loved for ourselves.

So that's just it okay?

Same for you out there too.

For what's wrong with being a messy imperfect human?

As long as we stay kind and vulnerable, I think we could be messes who are there for each other too :)

Take care,
Hernping

🏡

03/08/2025

For a long time I thought happiness was something I had to chase after.

That happiness would come one day when I finally did enough.

My happiness back then seemed to be tied to many outcomes.

Doing well in my career.

Feeling respected for what I could do.

How much I then got paid and how much I earned.

And with that if I could just achieve even more wouldn't that mean I could achieve more happiness too?

The problem came though because it felt like my happiness was tied to outcomes.

Outcomes where some of them I did reach.

Yet some of them I did not.

And the funny thing was also this, that everything I did reach an outcome I wanted..

The happiness didn't last long.

Because after that just came the next thing I needed to achieve.

And until I do that I can't allow myself to happy with what I've got.

--

I guess my honest learning of what I thought happiness was in the past.

Was that it was linked to a sense of finally "feeling enough".

But what was enough? That was something that just seemed to elude me.

Because no matter what I did, how hard I worked, it felt like I was never enough.

--

And though it took me years to unlearn this, I'm grateful for this journey into myself.

Because it's through this that I learnt that I am enough.

That I've always been enough.

And that just being me is always enough too.

And I'm happy and grateful because I've found many homes for myself too.

One with the people and dogs I love.

One where I work, but work simply because it's intrinsically important to me.

And one in my own self.

A peaceful home in my heart.

Take care,
Hernping

🏡

Grateful for a wonderful weekend and a nice outing yesterday with volunteers that have become friends at iash.sg

And a nice family day too.

Out running my Shiba soba now too.

Rest well eveyrone!

#소맥
#사람

#ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

27/07/2025

It's a funny thing, sometimes, not feeling like we want to let go of sadness.

Because for some of us, sadness has been our identity for the longest time too.

I even asked someone this week, a wonderful someone I've known for a while, saying:

"You seem happy. Are you not sad anymore?"

And tldr, they responded to me this:

"When you say that, the sadness inside of me feels invalidated, it wasn't to come out even more."

"Like it has something to prove".

--

I resonated with that, I'm even proud of them for saying this too.

Because here's the thing, I like my sadness :)

It's the part of me that feels alot, is deeply sensitive, who sees beauty in music, art, songs and people I get to meet and love.

It wasn't always like that, of course.

For once upon a time my sadness made me feel like I was constantly drowning in sorrow.

Feeling like there was absolutely no hope for a better tomorrow.

But this sadness is and always will be valid.

Because there is and will always be a part of me that has felt the pain of this.

The pain of wanting to be optimistic.

The pain of being let down, disappointed or even abandoned again.

But the truth is also this - I was letting this sadness get in the way of embracing happiness.

Because tbh, there's a part of me that equally wishes I could just be happy too.

And my deeper question is this - is it possible to embrace both sadness and happiness at the same time?

Can I embrace these both as part of "me"?

--

Yes we can, and that's what I did.

On happy days like yesterday experiencing happiness fully with our wonderful volunteer community .sg

And then quiet nights like tonight, simply spending time with the part of me that likes to mellow down a bit.

And reconnect with this part of me that remembers the pain - but now found purpose in sharing this quietly with the world instead.

Yours always,
Hernping

P. S. I think the best people are those that feel alot.

And embrace this beautiful mess that it is to be human :)

#고기주새요

19/07/2025

For you out there, struggling today.

This last week.

These last few months.

Or for a long time now.

I hope you find peace.

I hope you stay too.

Not because you owe anyone.

But because, really, there's so much more than this pain.

--

But then again, perhaps pain is all you see right now.

That's okay.

I get it too.

For all you wanted for the longest time now is peace.

And for everything that's heavy and everything that makes you feel empty at the same time to all stop.

I get that too.

But here's me reaching out my hand okay.

Keep holding on.

I'll hold you, you hold me.

All through this pain.

Until the day we finally see something more than this too.

Take care please,
Hernping

💙

Personal diary: sometimes it's really painful to have to see, hear and experience the pain people go through. And a part of me just keeps hoping that they can see beyond the pain, the shame, and whatever it is they are going through too.

But we can't rush this.

Trauma doesn't get healed in a day.

And the best thing we can do is hold out our hand.

And hope they reach back and hold on to that too.

---

10/07/2025

It's a fairly normal thing to feel wronged.

To feel unfairly treated.

To want to be fairly treated instead.

And that anger and resentment that comes up and boils inside of you?

Or perhaps that sense of frustration disappointment, and perhaps betrayal?

That's all fair as well.

But what if this "fairness" never comes?

The lack of insight, apology, or acknowledgement?

Aren't we just left we a heck lot of inner turmoil instead?

--

Sometimes when this hahapps I ask myself why I need this acknowledgement or apology from them.

The first answer - because that's only fair isn't it?

And if all becomes fair then that's a wonderful thing - because that would mean the world would all make sense again.

But when it doesn't then I'll have to ask myself again:

"Why is this acknowledgment or apology so important to me?"

And I guess my answer would then be this - because it feels unfair that my pain isn't seen.

--

Years of healing have taught me that not everybody is going to see my pain.

Not because my pain isn't real.

It definitely is.

Especially when someone has intentionally or unintentionally hurt me.

And just because they don't see this (or can't see this)

That doesn't mean the pain isn't real.

The struggle comes when trying to bring others to come to our same point of view.

Because this is a really hard thing, you see we can't control other people.

Not their actions, much lesser their perceptions.

People often want to see what they want to see, cue ego and cognitive biases too.

But that's the thing.

In learning to validate myself and know what we can and cannot stand for.

We begin to live true to ourselves too.

Doubt is stripped away, there is certainty in our direction.

Clarity amidst an uncertain world with uncertain people too.

But with time, that latter comes to matter lesser.

Because trust in yourself has been built.

That no matter the circumstance or situation, you're still choosing to be true to you.

That's what matters.

Take care,
Hernping

P. S. Still, don't lose sight of your own voice. Speak up for yourself if needed. But when your words happen to fall on deaf shoulders, know when to stand by the truth deep in you too :)

07/07/2025

One of the things that really ticks me off is when people finally find the courage to try out therapy and come out of it feeling worse.

Yes, sometimes sessions can be difficult, too emotional - too many things unpacked.

That's normal, that's part of the process.

But when I say worse I mean feeling more ashamed.

Feeling like they regret going in the first place.

Because opening up ourselves takes a lot of vulnerability - again courage as I've said.

And instead of finding comfort, understanding, empathy and sensitivity.

They find judgment, shame - perpetuating our sense of brokenness and aloneness instead.

--

I hate it, I really hate it.

I'll even acknowledge it - this is absolutely a trigger for me as well.

It reminds me of the first time I sought help as well - and was thoroughly dismissed too.

I've mentioned this in other posts before, but my first session? All I got was "he has adjustment issues".

And I didn't feel like I was spoken to as a human being.

But as a broken, and now rather useless human being, who can't even "adjust" well too.

--

And I write this post as I've lately seen a NUMBER of people with such experiences in their therapy journeys.

Some of them my clients, some I hear from our various circles too.

And I think it's such a dishonour and injustice to these people who are clearly trying.

People who are clearly not monsters.

And should never have been made to feel like one too.

--

So to the person out there, if this is your experience somehow.

You are not a monster okay?

You deserve much much better.

Please don't let these bad experiences / therapists get in the way of you trying.

And know that if you walked out of a therapy session feeling even more confused and / or more ashamed of yourself.

That's not on you.

Take care,
Hernping

💙

P. S. I'm not perfect myself, as a human being or as a therapist. I make many mistakes as well. But I think what sets apart a helpful vs harmful therapist is the willingness and openness to acknowledge ALL feelings. Even the ones directed to us.

And to discuss the conflict and repair in the way the person needs, to not make them feel more abandoned, no matter what.

06/07/2025

Repost of a post from 2 years ago - and a gentle reminder of our power in me.

And in you.

--

This is for those of you out there who are going through a period of deep suffering.

Perhaps this has been one of the hardest times of your life, creating great gashes of hurt and pain.

Or it might be a time of many uncertainties, of very real fears that threaten to come to life.

The pain is real - and you can't help but feel like your world is about to come crashing down.

But it is no fault of yours to feel this way, for you are allowed to feel.

--

To tell you the truth, I too in this present moment am going through my own period of pain.

A certain threat that has been looming over me, becoming more and more real.

I'm not going to lie - I am scared, nervous even.

There are parts of me that cry out in anguish - wanting me to take action and do something, anything - to keep me safe.

But despite the intensity of these feelings, sometimes the things that are happening to us are not within our control.

And no matter how hard I try, I can never control what people do to me, nor can I change our past, nor the future.

So instead of giving myself up to endless anxiety and worry, I decided to take back my power again.

I listened to these worried parts within mine, feeling then yet comforting them like I would a crying and hurt child.

And it is through this shared grieving that these parts also come to trust me too.

Trusting me to make the right choice on how I wish to respond to what's happening.

--

So to whatever is happening or about to happen to me, I CHOOSE to spend this time doing what matters to me.

To LOVE the people (and dogs) I love, to ENJOY doing the things I enjoy (like this doodle) and to GIVE my compassion and kindness to those who need it (perhaps you) and to myself too.

For that is me, the truth of me. And no matter what happens, that will always be within my power.

In that way, I become like a rock, undeniable, steadfastly being true to who I am.

That is my power, and likewise, this is your power too.

Take care,
Hernping

🙏

30/06/2025

Sometimes I reminisce about that feeling of being "lost".

That feeling of being profoundly alone.

No sign of any anchor.

Listlessly searching.

Feeling like a transient and insignificant useless being roaming through the world.

And whatever it is that I'm searching for?

Nothing seems to give me the answer.

Making me wonder if what I was looking for just can't seem to be found.

--

But the truth is, maybe I was looking for this in all the wrong places.

Some of them, in very wrong places too.

For example, in superficial connections and parties and many other exhilarations.

But that's all they ended up being, superficial, exhilarating - no doubt - but in the end that's all they end up being too.

And for some reason in all of my deeper connections back then, they didn't work out as well.

Why? Straight up because I ruined them.

Somehow a part of me knew this wasn't what I was looking for too.

So I gave up on them somehow.

Or they gave up on me.

And whatever it was that I was looking for?

Was still missing too.

--

The memory that strikes me the most when I think about this lost feeling was back in my twenties when I was living in Sydney, Australia.

You see, I made myself a very nice home of the place too.

I lived in a cool suburb called Pyrmont, in a tiny apartment I rented. Decorating it with ikea furniture I fixed up myself, vibey paintings I got from art markets, and books that I read and loved.

But what I'll always remember were the walks back to this home.

That side road, that alley, walking back during the evenings and at night.

It felt like I was going back to emptiness.

Somehow a home filled with lovely things, but still not a home "home". .

For I was still stuck with this feeling.

Lost and wanting to go home.

--

And you ask, am I home now?

The answer is yes.

I'm more than home now.

Because I first found a home in myself, no longer searching for something else.

Opening all the previously locked doors and found in there other parts of myself.

The ones who were waiting to be found all this time, no longer lost.

Then I opened the door to others too.

And invited them all in :)

Take care,
Hernping

23/06/2025

Always remember, trauma likes to pull a veil over our eyes.

Only letting us see a biased truth at times.

Often, this "truth" is but an echo of words that we've heard from others by our very two ears.

Why though?

Why do we take in the words of others, especially ones that hurt so much?

Because that, exactly that.

That those words hurt.

And in its funny own way, by making us believe that this is the "truth" of our being.

Then since it's already the truth we've accepted, it lessens the extent to which we can be hurt by others again

--

But what is trauma actually? When you stare at it right in its face?

Yes, it's the myriad of difficult, very difficult experiences that happened to us.

And experiences that didn't happen too, like being cared for or being understood or being loved too.

To say it's painful is a severe understatement.

But in saying that, your pain is real.

Don't let anyone tell you this feeling isn't real.

Because what is trauma that still holds onto this pain after all this time.

Forced to believe one side of the truth when a part of you sees many other truths.

Like the hurt, the loneliness, the emptiness you feel?

--

Two truths can exist at the same time.

And yes, whether or not you have a "privileged" life - this privilege supposedly being a home, parent/s, family, food, water, an education or so on.

That doesn't mean you didn't experience pain...

Be it loss at one time or another.

Emotional neglect or abuse at other times.

Growing up with a sense of profound loneliness.

Or even feeling empty and/or abandoned.

Two truths can exist at the same time.

Go to that part of you who feels the pain.

For that's the part of you longing all this time to heal.

Heal :)

Take care,
Hernping

🏡

21/06/2025

You see, having conflicts in our relationships aren't a bad thing at all.

For every relationship involves two human beings.

Two sometimes very different human beings with very different feelings and needs too.

And conflict isn't just about shouting or pushing or arguing or abusing the other person either.

Nor is it just about one person being too sensitive or too emotional.

Or just bringing up problems and dumping it onto the other too.

Conflict, at least done the right way, is about expressing our very, very valid feelings...

Hurt, pain, sadness worry - all things that deserve to be expressed.

And underneath that lies our needs, currently hoping to be met too.

--

You see, the healthiest of relationships all have conflict.

And what makes them safe and secure is the ability to say:

"Hey, that hurt me"

And hear:

"I hear you. And I want to make things right for you again".

And in that process know that we are always cared for.

And loved.

And know that we matter.

You are loved,
Hernping

💙

In a lot of the deeper therapy work, this is quite often the essence of what we work on.

The ability to have conflict, the ability to express ourselves again.

And this week I'm really warmed and touched as I saw someone able to do this again :)

Because it is through conflict that we learn how to find our voice again.

Thank you for that voice of yours.

You really, really matter :)

🌊⛵🗻🌟

Kaya Toast for the Soul

20/08/2025

13/08/2025

10/08/2025

03/08/2025

27/07/2025

19/07/2025

10/07/2025

07/07/2025

06/07/2025

30/06/2025

23/06/2025

21/06/2025

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