13/09/2020
( Hope no offense to anyone with this post. I'm just wishing to share my feelings and thoughts authentically.)
It was a very draining weekend for me as I sat though an online art class. I felt strangely not interested to learn new art techniques. And I judged myself for being a lazy bum.
So draining that my mind could not comprehend what happened, why I felt so uncomfortable.
It was so uncomfortable that I thought I'm going to close down Soulful Institute and no longer be involved in sharing the joys of art with people.
I collapsed and fell into a deep slumber.
And as usual, when my physical body had enough rest, it woke and the realizations came at lighting speed, then the mind could comprehend what had went on within me behind the scene.
What is happening with peer art teachers around me now...Everyone is wanting to improve and perfect their art techniques. Art classes were conducted to teach students the art techniques developed or discovered by the art teachers. But, students were discouraged from sharing with others what were taught in the classes because they are trade secrets.
I'm not going to focus on whether what they are doing is right or wrong. It is nothing about them.
But rather, I want to understand why I'm feeling so uncomfortable and restrictive with the current landscape settings.
What are my uncomfortable feelings telling me?
Why do I feel bottleneck in my art creations recently till I took a break from doing artwork creations or to run art sessions?
Why do I feel stifling?
Why can't I be like these art teachers to be so good with their hands to create awesome and perfect artworks?
Am I even fit to be an art teacher or an artist if I'm not skillful with art?
I'm glad I feel uncomfortable.
I'm glad I pause to feel.
I'm glad I investigate.
What is art?
Is it a display of art techniques on an artwork?
If so, then is it a performance to get applause?
It is said, art is an expression of our own subjective experiences and emotions.
True.
Art is just like meditation.
It helps us be engaged with ourselves in the process of creating an artwork.
It helps us have a dialogue with our self without the mind chattering involved.
As we dance with our souls in the creation of art, we are with our self.
After we have come out of the dance, we look at our artworks. It is just like the co**se pose of yoga. Where everything comes together, where realizations and learnings meet. It can take as long and as deep as it needs to be.
As so, art is healing, and therapeutic.
Art is not how 'beautiful' our artwork is. The true beauty lies in the authentic expressions.
Art is when the inner conversation for the artist begins.
So I understood...
This is a period of pausing and resting...
When I make enough sense of what is happening within me...
When the inner urge to express through art arises...
my fingers will dance with the paints again.
Then,
I can share the joys of art with students again.
But I'm not an art teacher.
Not teaching them art techniques, but sharing with them the joys of art where conversations with our self begin.
