22/01/2026
Understanding this changed how I think about stress, capacity, and regulation. Not just in my work, but in how I understand my own nervous system.
Stress doesn’t usually arrive as a single event that comes and goes. It accumulates over time. It layers. In physiology, this is often described as allostatic load, the cumulative impact of stressors on the body and nervous system.
Some of those stressors are obvious. Illness, grief, conflict, transitions. Others are quieter and harder to name. Sensory overload. Chronic pain. Masking. Constant adaptation. For some people, simply being in the world requires more effort, depending on how their nervous system or body is wired.
We also don’t start with a blank slate. Our nervous systems are shaped by our own experiences, but also by relational patterns and stress carried across generations. History lives in the body, even when we don’t have words for it.
This is why two people can face the same situation and have very different capacity in that moment. Not because one is coping better, but because their systems are holding different loads. Much of this happens below conscious awareness, and masking can make it even harder to see, in ourselves and in others.
When we look at regulation this way, it invites more curiosity and compassion. It shifts us away from self blame and towards asking how support can be built across the day, how capacity might be protected or gently expanded, and how we relate to stress with a wider, more humane lens.
If you want to explore this more deeply, I unpack the dysregulation bucket model and these ideas in detail in my Rooted in Regulation resource. It’s a paid, in-depth guide. Comment ROOTED if you’d like me to send you the link.
As always, take what’s useful. Leave the rest 🧡