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Project Play, Singapore (2026)

22/01/2026

Understanding this changed how I think about stress, capacity, and regulation. Not just in my work, but in how I understand my own nervous system.

Stress doesn’t usually arrive as a single event that comes and goes. It accumulates over time. It layers. In physiology, this is often described as allostatic load, the cumulative impact of stressors on the body and nervous system.

Some of those stressors are obvious. Illness, grief, conflict, transitions. Others are quieter and harder to name. Sensory overload. Chronic pain. Masking. Constant adaptation. For some people, simply being in the world requires more effort, depending on how their nervous system or body is wired.

We also don’t start with a blank slate. Our nervous systems are shaped by our own experiences, but also by relational patterns and stress carried across generations. History lives in the body, even when we don’t have words for it.

This is why two people can face the same situation and have very different capacity in that moment. Not because one is coping better, but because their systems are holding different loads. Much of this happens below conscious awareness, and masking can make it even harder to see, in ourselves and in others.

When we look at regulation this way, it invites more curiosity and compassion. It shifts us away from self blame and towards asking how support can be built across the day, how capacity might be protected or gently expanded, and how we relate to stress with a wider, more humane lens.

If you want to explore this more deeply, I unpack the dysregulation bucket model and these ideas in detail in my Rooted in Regulation resource. It’s a paid, in-depth guide. Comment ROOTED if you’d like me to send you the link.

As always, take what’s useful. Leave the rest 🧡

21/01/2026

Contrary to popular belief, the goal isn’t a permanent state of ease or calm. That doesn’t actually exist.

Nervous systems aren’t designed to keep us calm. They’re designed to keep us safe and in connection with others.

To do that, the brain is constantly predicting what might happen next, based on past experience, and adjusting our state accordingly.

Avoidance, shutting down, or becoming flooded in our emotional experience are survival responses. They exist for a reason, and in moments of real threat they can be exactly what protects us.

Regulation isn’t about getting rid of these states, and it isn’t about never dissociating or never feeling overwhelmed. Those things will still happen.

Regulation is about building awareness, capacity, and flexibility over time, so we can notice what’s happening sooner, recover more gently, and meet ourselves with more self-compassion when we do get stuck.

We don’t live in calm or activation alone. Our days are made up of blended states, with energy and settling constantly shifting depending on what life asks of us. We need mobilisation and engagement just as much as we need rest and settling.

Safety doesn’t always feel comfortable. Often it means feeling 'safe enough' to stay present as experiences rise and fall, knowing there’s an edge to the feeling and that it can move through.

Nervous system work is rarely simple, and it’s never about perfection. My hope is that this brings a little more understanding and softness to how you relate to your own responses.

If you’re curious, there’s more of this kind of thinking here ✨️

16/01/2026

So many of us grow up believing that our reactions say something about our character. That if we’re anxious, snappy, shut down, overwhelmed, or hypervigilant, it must mean we’re doing something wrong.

But when you start to understand the nervous system, the shame begins to loosen.

The brain never works alone. It does its scanning, learning, and predicting through the whole body. Your nervous system, hormones, neurotransmitters, immune responses, genetics, lived experience, even your ancestors’ experiences. None of it operates in isolation.

Your body is constantly taking in information and organising responses long before you have words for what’s happening.

That includes threats to survival, but also to connection. The nervous system is constantly scanning for cues of rejection, abandonment, disapproval, or disconnection. Even in moments where there’s plenty of good, it keeps checking whether we are safe to belong. Not because it’s pessimistic, but because staying connected has always been essential for survival.

I often come back to an idea from Rick Hanson’s work on the brain and negativity bias, where he describes the brain as being “Velcro for the bad.” Our brains are far more likely to tag threat, discomfort, and danger than ease or safety.

So the invitation here isn’t to analyse yourself harder or try to override your responses.

Over time, with safety and support, that automatic response can soften, and space can open up for pause, choice, and regulation.

It’s to meet them with a bit more curiosity and care.

To wonder what your body might be responding to. To notice what helps you feel steadier, safer, and more connected.

That perspective doesn’t remove accountability or minimise impact. It does, however, make room for compassion. And compassion is often where regulation, understanding, and growth begin.

Your nervous system isn’t broken. It’s been doing its job the best way it knows how.

14/01/2026

One of the reasons regulation is often misunderstood is that we’re taught to look for certain signs as proof that it’s happening.

Quieter. Calmer. Easier.

Observable cues do matter. They give us information about what might be happening in the nervous system. But they don’t tell the whole story.

Regulation is not an on or off state, and it isn’t defined by how something looks in isolation. It’s shaped by whether there is enough safety and capacity to stay connected as experience shifts.

This is where the idea of regulation as an achievement quietly breaks down.

If regulation were something we arrived at and maintained, then moments of dysregulation would signal failure. In reality, those moments are often where capacity is being shaped. Not by pushing through, but by being supported to stay present, or to return to presence when things feel overwhelming.

Nervous systems learn through rhythm. Activation and settling. Contraction and expansion. Pulling back and then gently engaging again. Much of this learning happens in quieter phases, or in small moments where we can stay a little longer, recover a little sooner, or remain connected instead of disappearing.

This is why regulation is not about making feelings stop. It’s about being with experience long enough for it to move, with enough safety that the system doesn’t have to shut down or escape.

And for many of us, that capacity is built in relationship. Through co-regulation. Through shared presence. Through cues of safety that make it possible to be with what’s here without being overwhelmed.

If regulation feels inconsistent, that doesn’t mean it isn’t working. It may reflect a system that is adjusting, integrating, or responding to changing internal or external conditions.

This series is an invitation to move away from narrow, appearance-based ideas of regulation, and toward a more accurate and compassionate understanding of how nervous systems grow.

If we haven’t met, I’m Nikki. I’m an occupational therapist, and this space is where I share about regulation, capacity, and nervous system support in ways that are grounded, nuanced, and usable.

Take what’s useful. Leave the rest.

10/01/2026

One of the biggest misunderstandings around regulation is the idea that it should look a certain way.

Quieter.
Softer.
Easier.

But nervous system regulation is not about arriving at a preferred state.

It is about having a felt sense of safety and enough capacity to stay connected while your experience shifts.

That is why someone can be crying, angry, or overwhelmed and still regulated. And why someone can look calm on the outside while feeling completely disconnected on the inside.

Regulation shows up as capacity. The ability to stay present, oriented, and in relationship with yourself, even when things feel uncomfortable.

Feelings have a rhythm. They rise, peak, and come back down when there is enough safety to stay with them.

This matters deeply for kids. Children do not learn self regulation in isolation. They learn it through us.

When we stay present as their external regulators, we are not trying to make the feeling disappear. We are offering safety, pacing, and connection while their nervous system learns how to move through big feelings without being alone in them.

Big feelings are an invitation to build safety within the experience. Sometimes that safety comes through another person. Sometimes it comes through the body itself, through sensory input, movement, breath, or grounding. Often it is a combination.

So regulation is not about calming faster. It is about not disappearing from ourselves, or from our children, when things feel hard.

If connection and safety came first, what might shift for you?

And if you are curious about the many ways we can signal safety to the nervous system, that is something I share a lot more about here.

08/01/2026

Grateful to be featured in .times

This article reflects how I think about overwhelm, sensitivity, and nervous system health.
Not as things to fix, but as signals that deserve care, context, and understanding.

If this reaches someone who’s been feeling stretched, shut down, or misunderstood, I hope it offers a sense of steadiness 🌱

With thanks to for helping these conversations reach further.

07/01/2026

One of the reasons nervous system conversations can feel frustrating is that regulation is often framed as something we should achieve, rather than something we are continually negotiating.

Capacity is not fixed. It expands over time, but it also fluctuates day to day, moment to moment. Health, stress, sensory load, relationships, past experience, all of these shape how much a system can hold at any given time. So when capacity is exceeded, it is not a sign of failure. It’s a sign that a limit has been reached.

Supporting regulation, then, is not only about building more capacity. It is also about learning to recognise when capacity is lower and responding with care rather than pressure.

And none of this happens in isolation. We learn how to stay with experience, how to recover, and how to feel safe in our own bodies through relationship. Co-regulation is not an optional extra. It is foundational. More on that later.

I started this series because so much nervous system content focuses on quick fixes or simplified answers. These processes are layered, relational, and deeply human. My hope is that this space can hold some of that complexity, without rushing it or sanding it down.

This is just one small piece of a much bigger picture. You’re welcome to stay and explore it with me.

05/01/2026

January often gets framed as a fresh start.
For many nervous systems, it is also a big transition.

Capacity changes during transitions.
Energy, tolerance, focus, and emotional bandwidth all shift, even when nothing looks “wrong” from the outside.

Routines restart. Expectations increase.
There is more pace, more input, more urgency.
For some of us, that alone is enough to put the nervous system on high alert.

As someone whose nervous system feels everything, I have learnt that this response is not a personal failure. It is a body responding to change.

These reminders are not resolutions or habits to optimise. They are not a substitute for the deeper, body-based work that supports regulation over time. Stress release does not begin in the mind alone, and it rarely comes from trying harder.

But in a month that places so much emphasis on performance, motivation, and doing more, gentle perspective shifts like these can help reduce pressure.

They can soften urgency, support choice, and create a little more room to breathe.

If January feels like a lot, that makes sense.You are not behind. You are moving through a transition.

As always, take what you need.
If this resonates, you’re welcome to pass it on. You’re not alone in this.

22/12/2025

This time of year often brings a lot of reflection. What we’ve done, what we haven’t, and all the things we think we should change or improve.

Lately, I’ve been thinking more about doing less.

A lot of nervous system support doesn’t come from adding new tools or creating big routines. It often comes from noticing what the body already gravitates towards. The small movements, the shifts in a chair, the pressure we seek, the rocking, spinning, fidgeting, or tuning into something familiar without really thinking about it.

Many of the ideas in this carousel are things people are already doing. Bringing a bit of awareness to them can turn those moments into gentle support rather than something automatic or overlooked.

This is where micro moments of regulation live. In small spaces and in-between moments. A chair, a corner of a room, a brief pause. Sometimes that means less noise or less stimulation. Other times it means the right kind of input, offered with a bit more intention.

In a world that constantly pushes us to do more, there’s real value in noticing what actually helps and giving ourselves permission to lean into that.

19/12/2025

Meltdowns aren’t a sign that regulation “isn’t working.”

They’re a sign that a nervous system has reached its current limit.

One of the biggest shifts for many parents (and professionals) is realising that regulation isn’t about keeping children calm. Calm is a state. Capacity is a process, and it changes constantly.

Supporting regulation is about noticing what stretches a system, what helps it recover, and how we show up when things tip over anyway.

Because even with great support, dysregulation still happens. That’s part of being human.

If this feels familiar in your own body too, that’s not a coincidence.

What matters is whether a child feels safe in those moments, whether their experience is held, and whether their body is supported to move through it rather than being rushed out of it.

When we stop treating meltdowns as problems to eliminate and start seeing them as information, the whole lens changes. There’s less blame, less urgency, and more space for understanding.

If this way of thinking resonates, it’s the foundation of how I approach regulation in my work.

Comment ROOTED if you’d like tools that explore this lens in more depth 🌱🧠

Project Play

22/01/2026

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Monday	09:00 - 19:00
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