Healing Mind Haven

20/01/2025

Healing Mind Haven was given a unique opportunity last weekend to lead parents and teens through a hands-on workshop called "Roots and Wings".
Our workshop was part of the programme for the bursary awards ceremony for students from schools in Tampines North.

During the workshop, Shila, a therapist from our panel, talked about the biological, neurological, relational and social changes that youth go through during adolescence. The attendees were also led through a 3-part activity to help them identify their personal and family values, map out the various factors that contribute to their identity and set goals which are aligned with their values.

It was encouraging to see the attendees engaged in discussion and participating in the activities in their family units. We certainly look forward to having more opportunities to being mental health and wellness topics to our community at large.

Have a community or corporate engagement event in mind? Or perhaps you are looking for qualified speakers to deliver mental health content in a relatable and practical format? Look no further than Healing Mind Haven. Drop us a DM or leave a comment below so we can get in touch with you.

05/01/2025

Dear HMH clients, we would like to inform you that our Appointment Booking number has now change to *89442316*. Kindly update your records and we apologise for any inconvenience caused. Thank you, Happy New Year & have a great 2025 ahead! 🤗

13/09/2024

Dear All, I’ll be doing a talk on behalf of the Singapore Association of Counselling (SAC) on 𝟭𝟬 𝗢𝗰𝘁 (𝗧𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘀) 𝟳:𝟯𝟬-𝟵:𝟯𝟬𝗽𝗺, on how applying neuroscience knowledge and skills can create a positive impact on our counselling and therapy work. Pls share with anyone who might be interested ☺️🌿

**Ps. There is a small charge of $10 for SAC members (2 CPD hrs) and $15 for non-members. A light dinner will be provided.

06/07/2023

Colombia recently made the news because some legislators were attempting to pass a law to allow pet owners 2 days of paid leave in the event of their animal passing away. While some companies give discretionary leave to employees who are in bereavement following the death of a pet, this is not a cultural norm. In an age of growing pet ownership where pets truly become family members, it may feel strange that policies have yet to catch up. In Singapore alone, 25% of homes are estimated to have pets.

Perhaps it is simply assumed that loosing an animal, cannot possibly compare to loosing a human relationship. However, speak to any dedicated pet owner, and you will probably hear something contrary.

Here are some reasons why the grief of loosing a pet, can be so profound, deep and long-lasting.

1. The relationship is probably the most “perfect” relationship in our lives
Human relationships bring a myriad of emotions, as we experience conflict, intimacy, joy and everything in between. I’ve yet to meet someone who had been emotionally hurt or felt betrayed, or misunderstood by a pet. The relationships we have with our companion animals are pure, beautiful and while there may be frustrations in the daily demands of pet caregiving, there are no misgivings about their personality or challenging tendencies.

2. We are guardians and decision makers
In the Hawaiian language, one doesn’t call themself a pet owner. Instead we are their Kahu, meaning we are the pet’s guardian, protector, steward, beloved or attendant. We decide everything for out pet from their diet, to their activities and their medical care. Our pets are not able to advocate or speak for themselves, they can’t share what their wishes are when are ill. We decide based on what we think would be best for our pets. This is a heavy burden to bear, and oftentimes pet guardians will second guess their decisions after a pet has passed on. These rumination and regret can lead to guilt even when logically we know we have done everything and given our outmost.

3. The loss of a pet is often trivialised
I’ve heard painful recollections of people who told me others have difficulty understanding why they are still sad over the loss of a pet even after considerable time has passed. When we loose someone important, we are surrounded by love and support, there is a funeral with rites and rituals, usually a community would support you for a few days or weeks after until you feel a bit of stability. Pet guardians rarely get this kind of community support and rallying around them when we loose our beloved animals. The grieving is often lonely, and misunderstood.

We hope by bringing attention to this, we can normalise a culture of standing by those who are in pain after loosing a companion animal. When we understand the unique circumstances of caring for a pet in its last days and then saying goodbye, we can begin to understand the complexity of the situation.

If you are struggling with the loss of a pet, please reach out to speak to someone for support or make an appointment for grief counselling. Your pet is a precious life worth remembering and your pain is valid. We are here for you in this difficult time.

I leave you with this beautiful poem by Nikita Gill.

A Lesson on Love
My dog and I do not speak the same language. Yet every day, she tells me: I trust you to know when I need to go for a walk. I will let you hold me when you need to and I will ask you for love when I need it. On the days you are sick, I will lie beside you. I will look for you in rooms when you are not here, and I will greet you with so much joy when you come home. I will guard you when you sleep. I will wag my tail and let you know that everything will be okay on your bad days, and I know that you will do the same on mine. And from this I learn that my dog and I actually do speak the same language. After all, the universe is a kindly ancient thing. It gave love as a mother tongue to every being.

Title Photo by Nathália Arantes obtained via Unsplash

28/06/2023

Wishing our Muslim friends a blessed day of celebrations!

22/06/2023

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened. ” ― Anatole France

Loosing a pet is an extremely painful experience. Many pet guardians we've spoken to share that their pain and grief is is not fully understood by their loved ones. Our relationships with our pets are multi-faceted, deep and meaningful - just like human relationships. However, often the complexity of loosing a pet who was completely reliant on you and could not make their own decisions and evoke challenging emotions.

Seeing how the pet community deserves a safe space to grieve and heal, Healing Mind Haven is starting a new initiative to support those who have lost a companion animal. Each session will be conducted in a small group format, where we can learn from and comfort each other while exploring themes and tools with our facilitator. We hope that by doing this in a group format, we can make this more accessible to everyone as the cost will be lower than individual therapy, and we also get to form community.

If you are keen to join us for our first session in July, please register at this link https://tinyurl.com/fdd4udpy

About our facilitator:
Our facilitator Shila is a professional counsellor and animal lover. She has 2 adopted cats, and also fosters community cats so they can be rehomed. Having lost a pet in 2019, Shila understands how grieving a pet is so different from grieving the loss of a human being. Starting this support group has been on her heart for a long time.

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02/06/2023

Wishing all Buddhists a Happy Vesak Day!

01/06/2023

How We Can Be Allies All Year round

This June marks the first Pride month in Singapore since the repeal of 377A. It feels like a lot has changed for this minority community, and yet, at the same time not so much. Many LGBTQ+ individuals still feel they will be stigmatised if they come out, and the fear of rejection from family and religious communities continue to be a legitimate fear.

If you feel like you would like to be a part of the solution, to support our LGBTQ+ loved ones and help them feel safe, please read on. We are excited to share some practical ways you can be an informed ally.

Fun Fact! Did you know the LGBTQ+ community in Singapore is estimated to be about the same size as the Indian community (7-9%)?

1. Supporting someone who has come out to you

If someone chooses to come out to you, it is probably because they feel safe with you and/or the relationship you have is important to them. Remember that coming out can be a long and scary process for many. It is also dangerous for some who may risk loosing relationships, employment, or even their home.

First, thank them for telling you and reply with something comforting like, “I love and accept you”. Try not to dwell on why they didn’t tell you earlier, respect their privacy. If you are not LGBTQ+ affirming, you can still thank them for telling you and share how important this relationship is to you. Remember that judging them or saying you cannot accept them will do nothing to change their sexual orientation and may affect their mental health.

Ask how you can support them. Sometimes they may not need anything except a listening ear or a hug. You can also educate yourself on LGBTQ+ issues to be a better ally for your friend if you are interested to do so.

Do not out them to others. Keep in mind that most LGBTQ+ people have to come out multiple times to different people and in different contexts. Just because they told you, does not mean that others know. Be aware and sensitive to avoid outing them accidentally.

2. Supporting family of someone who has come out
It is not unusual for parents or siblings to go into the proverbial closet when an LGBTQ+ child comes out. Many parents feel guilt if they had done something to make their child different, and feel shame about potentially being judged by relatives or their other social circles.

Begin by asking how the parent would like to be supported. Remind them to do their best to prioritise the wellbeing of their child and themselves. If they are having difficulty accepting their child, support them by helping them see there is so much more to their child than their sexual orientation and their child is still the same person they have loved all along. If they are open, connect them to support groups.
One such resource: https://www.minus18.org.au/articles/learn:-how-to-educate-when-your-child-is-lgbtqia+

3. Speak up
Being an ally is about action, it is not just a label. When we hear homophobic/transphobic comments, help to educate others and share resources that encourage inclusivity. It can oftentimes be difficult for the individual being discriminated against to speak up for themselves as they may self-conscious about being perceived as too sensitive or irrational. But to have an ally, who is not part of the community, speak up may be more effective and also validates the lived experienced of the minority individual.

4. Language matters
Try to avoid making assumptions about people when you meet them. It is good practice to clarify preferred pronouns and preferred names. If you’re unsure how someone wants to be addressed, ask them. We can also normalise using gender neutral terms such as partner, spouse and child in our daily language. Keep up to date with terms that are being phased-out and considered offensive by the community.

5. Be aware of unconscious bias and assumptions
Being an ally takes work, and we need to put in the effort to confront the way we think and communicate about the LGBTQ+ community. Think about whether we are holding on to any jokes, seterotypes etc. that shape our perceptions about the community.

6. We all make make mistakes
As with all things, there is a learning curve. If you use the wrong pronoun or label, don’t panic. Apologise, clarify and carry on. Be open with who you are speaking to. You can say, “I’m sorry, I’m still working on how to be a better ally. Please correct me if I’m not addressing you correctly”.

We hope you’ll join us in making Singapore a safer and more inclusive place for the LGBTQ+ community. If you know anyone from the community who requires support, please ensure you only recommend organisations and professionals who are affirming and trained to work with LGBTQ+ individuals. Healing Mind Haven is happy to support individuals from the LGBTQ+ community and have appropriately trained counsellors and therapists. We wish everyone a beautiful Pride Month ahead!

05/05/2023

People Pleasing – The lesser-known Trauma Response

We have all heard of Fight, Flight and Freeze. Additionally, a lesser-known response is also known as Fawn or People Pleasing. The Fawn response is generally used in situations where we can be use there would not be any physical danger to us. We may fall into the trap of thinking we are just “being nice” or “keeping the peace”, and stop short of noticing that we are putting the needs and comfort of others before our own welfare.

So what really is people pleasing? It means that you would do your best to do that others want or expect of you to avoid a disagreement, disappointing them or being criticised. When we are fawning, we try to deliver what the other party wants because we have subconsciously learned over the years that when we please others, they treat us better, provide safety or meet our needs for belonging. We start to believe that the only way to be accepted is give we please others and always remain likable.

According to experts, this Fawn response is almost always linked to trauma, especially childhood trauma where caregivers withdrew affection or privileges or even shamed or guilted the child for not doing what they expect. Being forced to be pleasing in this way, makes us develop unhealthy and transactional views on what human relationships look like. Being selfless, kind, dependable or compassionate, are different from people pleasing as these are actions are made out of choice and with healthy boundaries in place.

So what can Fawning look like? Here are some examples
-Meeting all the needs of an abusive spouse in the hopes that they would treat you better
-Choosing a university course your parents insisted on, even when you were not keen, just to avoid conflict
-Outgoing out of your way to do someone a favour instead of explaining it was not convenient for you

Some signs you may have a fawn response:
-You feel responsible for how others feel
-You prioritise the emotional needs of others
-Difficulty saying “no”
-Discomfort about sharing your preferences or opinions
-Tendency to want to rescue others or “fix” them
-You struggle with setting boundaries
-You are extremely conflict-avoidant
-People tend to assume you are “okay with anything”
-You feel you are being sacrificial by going along even when you are unhappy

If you feel like you have a tendency to People Please, take a moment to think about the following:
- Evaluate your relationships to see if they are one-sided
-Are you spending enough time and effort building your own life and dreams?
-What do you risk by being honest about your feelings and why?
-What are your personal values and are your actions aligned with them?
-Think about how you can validate your personal experiences.
If you feel people pleasing is something you are struggling with and would like to examine its place in your life, as well as how to strengthen your relationship with yourself and others, our therapists would love to have a chat with you. Feel free to drop us a note and we’ll be in touch.

Photo Credit: Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

21/04/2023

Wishing all our Muslim friends Selamat Hari Raya!

13/04/2023

Have you ever felt defeated when trying to change a habit in the past? The world tells us we need more discipline, more willpower; We listen and soon enough we are putting pressure on and ourselves and being critical whenever we fail. Imagine being constantly unhappy with yourself and forming a self-hating habit! The more researchers understand the human brain, the more it is becoming clear that self-criticism does not increase motivation or willpower. It may seem counterintuitive, but being compassionate to yourself when you slip up is in fact going to keep you more motivated. Additionally, having a goal to aspire towards is also helpful.

Imagine you wish to cut down your sugar intake. That bubble tea during lunchtime after a hectic morning in the office gives you so much joy, but you've decided it has to go.

First, come up with 1 or 2 inspiring reasons why this goal is important to you. Perhaps you wish to be independent from sugar so you dont have a sugar crash. Perhaps not spending $6 on a drink will allow you to buy something more luxurious for lunch.

Next follow through and encourage yourself each time you stick to it. If you do give in and allow yourself a bubble tea one afternoon, how will compassion towards yourself look like? For example, if you realise the sugary drink actually makes you sluggish at work, you can tell yourself that although this was a mistake, it was also an opportunity to understand your body's needs better. Encourage yourself to try again with this new found data.

On the other hand, if our critic comes out and convinces us that we can't do anything right, these feelings of guilt and wanting perfectionism will drive us towards finding comfort in our old patterns and behaviours.

If you would like to work with one of our therapists on finding compassionate solutions to lead a better life, please drop us a message. We'd love to work with you.