Connected

23/09/2025

How do you respond to MANIPULATION?

We often imagine manipulation as loud, obvious, or aggressive, but the most powerful forms are subtle.

A recent video broke down nine of the most common manipulation tactics. As I listened, I couldn’t help but think about how often these patterns show up, not just in personal relationships, but in workplaces, teams, and leadership cultures.

Here are the key takeaways, for anyone who wants to protect their clarity and confidence.

GASLIGHTING
Gaslighting makes you question your own memory, emotions, or reality.
It’s the slow erosion of trust in yourself.
POWER MOVE: Keep a record. Trust how you felt in the moment. You don’t need permission to believe your own experience.

LOVE BOMBING
Intense attention disguised as affection. Constant praise, big promises, fast escalation.
POWER MOVE: Slow down. Real connection takes time. Patterns matter more than promises.

GUILT TRIPPING
A sigh. A pause. A quiet, “After all I’ve done for you.”
This turns care into currency and boundaries into betrayal.
POWER MOVE: Pause and ask, “Did I truly do something wrong, or am I just being made to feel like I did?”

TRIANGULATION
Pulling a third party into a conflict to create alliances and isolate you.
POWER MOVE: Keep it direct. “If you have a problem with me, talk to me—not about me.”

THE WHITE KNIGHT
Someone who creates problems just so they can be the hero who “saves” you.
POWER MOVE: Accept genuine help, but notice if their support keeps you dependent.

THE SILENT TREATMENT
Not peaceful space, but calculated absence used as punishment.
POWER MOVE: Name it. “I’m open to talking when you’re ready, but I won’t be punished with silence.”

BREADCRUMBING
Tiny bits of attention to keep you hooked, without real commitment.
POWER MOVE: Don’t decode crumbs. Consistency speaks louder than charm.

D.A.R.V.O
Deny. Attack. Reverse Victim and Offender.
A tactic to flip the script so you end up defending your tone instead of their behavior.
POWER MOVE: Stay focused on the original issue. Facts over drama.

Why This Matters at Work
These patterns show up in offices, leadership teams, and even client relationships:
> A manager who gaslights employees into doubting their performance.
> A colleague who triangulates to build alliances.
> A client who breadcrumb-engages to keep you on call without commitment.
> Recognizing the tactics is the first step to neutralizing them.

Your Power Is Clarity
Manipulation thrives in confusion.
The moment you name what’s happening, you break the spell.
You don’t need to explain, convince, or win just stay grounded in your own reality.

Real leadership is built on mutual respect, direct communication, and accountability. Anything less isn’t connection. It’s control.

Where have you noticed one of these tactics, in your workplace or relationships?

What do you need to do to reclaim your clarity?

21/09/2025

"You are not broken; you are breaking through.

When life breaks you, it is because you are ready to be put back together differently.

Every piece of you that feels shattered is a piece that will find a new place, a new purpose, a new meaning.

Trust that the cracks are where the light gets in. And sometimes, in our brokenness, we find our greatest wholeness.

We find the courage to rebuild, to reimagine, to redefine what it means to be strong.."

17/09/2025

14/09/2025

30 BEAUTIFUL BUT FORGOTTEN WORDS WE SHOULD START USING AGAIN ✨

1. Apricity → The warmth of the sun in winter.
2. Susurrus → A soft, whispering, rustling sound.
3. Lethologica → The state of forgetting a word while speaking.
4. Zephyr → A gentle, mild breeze.
5. Mumpsimus → Someone who stubbornly sticks to a wrong belief.
6. Peregrinate → To travel or wander from place to place.
7. Halcyon → Calm, peaceful, or golden days of the past.
8. Petrichor → The earthy smell after rain.
9. Numinous → Having a strong spiritual or mysterious quality.
10. Ineffable → Too great or beautiful to be expressed in words.
11. Sonorous → Having a deep, full, and rich sound.
12. Obambulate → To walk or wander around.
13. Ephemeral → Lasting for only a short time.
14. Cynosure → A person or thing that draws attention.
15. Amaranthine → Eternal, unfading beauty.
16. Vellichor → The strange nostalgia of being in a used bookstore.
17. Respair → Fresh hope after despair.
18. Lacuna → An empty space or missing part.
19. Ebullient → Overflowing with cheerful energy.
20. Philoprogenitive → Fond of children or offspring.
21. Sempiternal → Everlasting, eternal.
22. Serendipity → Finding something good by chance.
23. Limerence → The intense, obsessive feeling of being in love.
24. Effulgent → Shining brightly, radiant.
25. Palimpsest → Something reused or altered but still showing traces of its original form.
26. Redolent → Strongly reminiscent or suggestive of something.
27. Sobremesa → Time spent chatting at the table after a meal (Spanish borrowed word in English).
28. Epiphany → A sudden moment of realization.
29. Zephyrian → Gentle or soft like a breeze.
30. Quiddity → The essence or unique nature of something.

11/09/2025

The words you speak to yourself have more power than you might realise. Recent MRI studies reveal that positive self-talk can literally reshape your brain, strengthening connections between networks responsible for motivation, self-awareness, and executive control. This means that the way you frame your thoughts and internal dialogue directly influences how effectively you think, make decisions, and pursue goals.

When you engage in positive self-talk, your brain’s motivation network becomes more active, encouraging goal-directed behaviour and persistence in the face of challenges. Simultaneously, networks responsible for self-awareness and executive control—critical for planning, problem-solving, and regulating impulses—become more integrated. Over time, this rewiring can enhance focus, resilience, and emotional regulation, essentially making you more capable of managing both internal and external challenges.

This research highlights that self-talk is not just a motivational tool; it is a neurological process. Negative self-talk can reinforce stress and doubt, while constructive, affirming thoughts can strengthen neural pathways that support growth, confidence, and adaptability. The brain’s plasticity allows it to respond to repeated patterns of thought, meaning consistent positive self-talk can create lasting changes in how your brain functions.

By consciously choosing encouraging and constructive internal dialogue, you are training your brain to approach tasks with clarity, determination, and self-assurance. Every phrase you tell yourself, whether it is a reminder of your abilities, a shift in perspective, or encouragement in moments of doubt, shapes the wiring of your brain networks in real, measurable ways.

Your mind is constantly listening. Make it a priority to speak to yourself with intention, positivity, and belief in your potential. The way you think about yourself is more than just psychology—it is biology, shaping who you become.

Harness the power of your inner dialogue and let it rewire your brain for success.

11/09/2025

Every thought you have is not just a fleeting moment. Neuroscientists have revealed that negative thoughts physically rewire the brain, strengthening pathways that make negativity your default emotional state. This process is known as neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to form and reorganize connections. When negative thinking repeats, the brain begins to carve stronger neural circuits for worry, doubt, and fear, making it easier to fall into the same patterns again.

The good news is that your brain can also be rewired toward positivity. Just as negative thoughts leave an imprint, so do positive ones. Gratitude, optimism, and compassion activate new pathways, teaching your brain to default to healthier emotional states over time. This means the more you practise positive thinking, the stronger these uplifting neural connections become.

It is not about ignoring challenges or pretending everything is perfect, but about training the brain to focus on solutions, growth, and resilience. Daily practices such as mindfulness, affirmations, or even keeping a gratitude journal can help reverse the cycle of negativity and create a more balanced mindset.

Your thoughts have power. Each one is shaping the architecture of your brain. Choose carefully what you allow to repeat, because what you focus on today becomes your emotional reality tomorrow.

11/09/2025

Is your energy bank in the green or flashing red?

For a long time, I would hit a 3 PM slump and blame it on a poor night's sleep or a lack of hydration. But when I started tracking my energy and not just my time, the patterns became clear.

The things that drain us are often silent energy thieves, while the things that fuel us are habits we have to consciously choose.

This poster is a useful reminder that while we can't avoid all energy drains, we can build more resilience by actively incorporating what gives us energy.

The real power is in the balance. It's about forgiving yourself for the "drains" while proactively scheduling the "gives."

What's on your list? I'd love to hear what truly fuels you beyond coffee!

09/09/2025

What's the difference between Boundaries, Rules, Expectations and Standards?

There is real power in knowing what you can control and what you can't.

"You can't call or text me after 10pm"

This is not a boundary - it's a rule.

A boundary guides your behaviour - a rule tries to control someone else's.

A boundary sounds more like:

"I don't respond to texts after 10pm"

You can't control whether someone respects your time. But you can decide what you'll do if they don't.

That's the difference between a boundary and a rule.

"I expect someone to show up when they say they will"

This is an expectation not a standard.

A standard is what you allow in your life, an expectation is about what you hope others will do.

This is the difference between a standard and an expectation.

Your standard could be that you surround yourself with dependable people. Your expectation could be that this specific person will show up on time.

Your standards shape your circle - your expectations set the stage for disappointment or communication.

So many of us are trying to protect our peace using the wrong tools.

We call it a boundary... But it's really a demand.

We set expectations... But never share them out loud.

We lower our standards to stay connected.

So start by asking yourself "What am I committed to doing or not doing?" - that's your boundary

" What do I wish others would do?" - that's your expectation.

"What do I allow or not allow in my life?" - that's your standard.

"What am I trying to control?" That's probably a rule and it might need adjusting.

It's not just about saying things louder - it's about saying them clearer.

Clarity is kindness to others and yourself.

30/08/2025

Imagine what could happen if Africa United ✨

29/08/2025

What does INTEGRATION mean? This is when we take the new Knowledge we have of ourselves and we PAUSE before following the beaten known track and we introduce new behaviours, thoughts and ways of being as a result of this new self-awareness. Knowledge is power but self-knowledge is self-empowerment.