14/07/2025
✈️ I left my island life, surrounded by family and sunshine, and entered medical school in Ireland.
Gloomy. Rainy. Dreary.
Before I left, my aunt asked me if I could cope with the rain. In my immaturity, I thought, “It’s just rain. I’ll use an umbrella.”
🔄 But nothing prepares you for the gloomy sadness that settles in when your days become a monotonous cycle:
hospital, home, study, repeat.
No sunshine for months.
I’d enter the hospital before the sun rose,
and leave when it was setting.
I remember one whole month without seeing the sun at all.
📚 Weekends were spent in the library,
sometimes 14 hours a day, buried in books.
I only stopped when my head hurt so badly I couldn’t focus anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, there was laughter in between, but homesickness hit hard.
Summer breaks in Trinidad were like an antidepressant, but even then, I was prepping for my US exams, trying to fast-track everything to get back to my little island as soon as possible.
🤍 Back home, I was surrounded by non-medical friends. Good people. Happy people. But people who could never fully relate to what I was going through.
It was during these years that I suspect my double life began to form.
The medical version of me: composed, clinical, capable. And the version of me at home: exhausted, holding too much, but still trying to laugh at the right times.
💔I remember staring out the window one day feeling completely hollow.
I was sick, but functioning.
Depressed, but moving.
Alive, but barely.
In that moment, I picked up the phone and called a friend….
Part 6/20 will be shared on 16/07/25