Bakyakuwa Traditional Herbelists

14/02/2019

YOUR DESTINY IS DETERMINED BY YOU

29/06/2018

Just about everybody wants to become financially independent – so why do so few people get there?

One of the secrets to attaining financial independence is that it doesn't usually "just happen".

It starts with a detailed plan, and a willingness to commit to that plan.

To help you get going in the right direction, here are 15 steps to become financially independent.

1. "Decide You Want It More than You Are Afraid Of It"
OK - that quote is from the recently discredited Bill Cosby, but it's brilliant nonetheless. And it's an important point too. One of the reasons more people don’t reach financial independence is they’re afraid – not of being financially independent, but of the changes in their lives they'll have to make to get there.

If you are new to the financial planning process, it’s important to remember you don’t need to go from zero to sixty overnight. Just like a fitness trainer would be hesitant to recommend an all-out body straining routine on your first day in the gym, I wouldn’t expect someone to start implementing advanced planning techniques in the first week. Pick a reasonable and attainable goal, and get used to achieving small wins on your track to financial independence.

For example, if you are new to saving, you don’t need to immediately put aside half of your paycheck. Start with a small amount - maybe $20 per pay period - and increase it as you get more comfortable with the process. Starting out slow will help you build the confidence needed for long-term success.

In order to become financially independent, you have to have a serious heart-to-heart talk with yourself. You want to get a few things clear in your head, including:

A definition of exactly what financial independence means to you - following someone else's definition won't get you there
A realistic picture of your current financial situation
A realistic idea as to what you'll have to give up to get where you want to go
A realistic assessment of the obstacles in your path
A series of goals that will help you to become financially independent.


be ready for the next step

15/05/2018

By holding a positive and optimistic [word] in your mind, you stimulate frontal lobe activity. This area includes specific language centers that connect directly to the motor cortex responsible for moving you into action. And as our research has shown, the longer you concentrate on positive words, the more you begin to affect other areas of the brain. Functions in the parietal lobe start to change, which changes your perception of yourself and the people you interact with. A positive view of yourself will bias you toward seeing the good in others, whereas a negative self-image will include you toward suspicion and doubt. Over time the structure of your thalamus will also change in response to your conscious words, thoughts, and feelings, and we believe that the thalamic changes affect the way in which you perceive reality.

06/04/2018

The psychology of making money.
Regardless if you need to earn some fast cash or we're just talking about making money in the grand scheme of things, there's an important psychology that needs to be mentioned before getting into the strategies. If you study Freud's model of the mind, you'll discover the Psychic Apparatus. It's the three-part construct in your mind that controls all of your behavior.

Those three are the id, the super-ego and the ego. The id lives deep within the subconscious from birth. It's the source of our sudden and most instinctive urges. When you find yourself doing what you know you shouldn't, blame your id.

The super-ego is formed later in life to balance the id. It forms and breaks off from the id through our upbringing, parental guidance and our sense of community and beliefs. People who are careful with their money can thank their super-ego.

The ego is the driver making the decisions. It decides between the devil (the id) and the angel (the super-ego) on either shoulder (yes, all those cartoons you've ever seen are partly true). We have voices in our mind, and it's up to the ego to decide which one to fulfill. Its goal is to satisfy the id in some way while also attending to the super-ego.

Get-rich-quick schemes and fad weight-loss diets are naturally popular because they satisfy the id while also attending to the super-ego. The ego's job is complete when it sees something like this. The appeal of "fast'' stems from the innate desire for instant gratification, so beware of what seems too good to be true (they often are) when you're looking to make money quickly. Be wary. Listen to the conversation deep within the confines of your mind and do your best to tame the proverbial beasts.

What are the best ways to make money right away? While a search online when you're in need of some fast cash will produce millions of results, not all will be legitimate. It's up to you to filter through the so-called noise.

28/03/2018

Some people have what I have come to call "broken pickers." They just can't seem to pick good partners for themselves. If this is something you're dealing with, here are some tips for making good choices when it comes to dating and mating.

1. People will tell you exactly who they are; it's up to you to listen. If someone says they're usually in a bad mood or don't know how to be monogamous, hear what they are saying and don't think you can change them.

2. Take a test drive. Go for an eight-hour drive with your intended. Whatever difficulties you may have will make themselves painfully obvious. This test is not for the faint of heart or for those with heart conditions.

3. Look for someone who is kind and loving. If you're really lucky, your partner will also have a family who taught him or her how to be that way. Having in-laws who treat you like a member of the family will make your life much nicer.

4. Make sure the person you're seeing doesn't smoke, even if you do. If he or she is a nonsmoker, it may get you to stop. Think of it this way: you're choosing happiness over death.

5. Find someone you can talk to. As time passes, this quality is more important than looks, money, or position. If you can't talk to your partner or cry on his or her shoulder, it's not going to be a good match.

6. Make sure you have the basics in common. For example, if one of you wants children and the other doesn't, it's a deal breaker. Spiritual and political differences can also be difficult to deal with. As we age, our feelings in these areas tend to intensify.

7. Make sure that you have enough differences that, if you are unable to go out, you can still entertain each other. If someone is just like you, it might get a little boring as time goes by.

8. Physical compatibility has more to do with touch than it does with s*x. If you're a tactile person, you need to be with someone who shares that desire. People's desire for s*x changes over a lifetime, but our need for touch remains fairly constant.

9. Beware of people who want to get married immediately. Engagements were created for a reason. They used to call them "handfasts," and they lasted for a year and a day. Things move much quicker these days, but it's wise to know someone for at least six months before getting engaged.

10. Find someone who makes you laugh. A sense of humor can help you overcome many of life's obstacles. If someone can make you smile when you don't feel like it, that's a great quality.

There are no guarantees in life. It isn't possible to be absolutely sure about anyone. Take your time; listen to your friends and to your intuition. Picking the right person for the right reasons at the right time is an art form.

26/03/2018

23/03/2018

There are many theories about what makes a marriage strong and which qualities allow a couples to grow and function well together.

I have always appreciated Dr. Robert Sternberg’s concepts in the Triangular Theory of Love: intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Intimacy: It’s a sense of closeness and sharing. People who are intimate know each other. They share secret shorthand and a special language. There is this ability to share their lives deeply. They are generous with one another in many ways - generosity of spirit, love, and self. We like to give to those we are intimate with. Our intimate partners can be the “safe space” to share the worst news, or saddest feelings. Communication has a certain ease to it. Even if they are mad at one another and facing terrible challenges, there is a familiarity and closeness. I think comfort with one another is so important, as is trust.

Passion: It’s the doorway into a relationship and a door that, when kept open, helps a couple and the relationship maintain vitality. Sexual passion, obviously, ebbs and flows over the lifecycle of individuals and of a couple, but it is a gift to know how to spark it within one another. I think it is essential for couples to figure out ways to keep that alive. Even through illness and aging, it helps to stay physically connected — even if for just tender kisses and hugging. Touching is so important.

Commitment: It is obviously the glue. It gets us to the altar, or brings us toward a serious union, and that helps couples stay connected even when life does not look like it is going well. Commitment helps us to hang in when we want to walk out, and it helps us come back when we leave emotionally from time to time. It is this quality that allows people who barely know one another — as in some arranged marriages — to step into life together and embrace the unknown and build a life as a team.

Additional qualities: Respect, kindness, and compassion. The vow, below, expresses a lot. I interviewed the couple about what was most important to them in married life and worked this into their wedding as their vows to each other. These are important aspects of a good relationship.

On this day,
A new adventure begins.
I want you to know
That I will stand by your side,
As your partner in life.
I look forward to laughing with you,
Crying with you,
Comforting you,
And being comforted by you,
Inspiring you,
And being inspired by you
I will always cheer you on
As you follow your dreams.
And I will let you help me achieve mine.
Let us grow together,
In mind and spirit,
And stand together to face the world.
I will cherish you always.
You are my one and only true love.

Calling upon Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, I might add a blessing:

May you have Intimacy.
May you have Passion.
And may you be committed to each other and the relationship you share.

15/03/2018