Turnabout Counseling

Turning Point offers counseling for rocky relationships, troubled teens, and adults. I help you discover and use your existing resources to find solutions

nextdoor.com

Turnabout Counseling, LLC — Nextdoor

Hi everyone, I just added my business profile for Turnabout Counseling to the Grand Rapids and Ada, MI section of nextdoor.com. Hopefully this makes it easier for those looking for counseling in Grand Rapids and Ada area to find me.

nextdoor.com Turnabout Counseling, LLC is on Nextdoor, the private social network for neighborhoods.

youtube.com

Excerpts from an interview with BF about Kids'Skills (10 min)

This video with Ben Furman is a bit hard to hear but he gives a great description of why solution focused therapy works so well. The focus on trusting the client and building of their skills rather than focusing on problems is important.

This video contains excerpts from a longer interview that will be published at the the Parents Resources section of the Mad in America website (http://www.ma...

youtube.com

The Pivotal Lesson Michelle Obama Learned from Marriage Counseling | Oprah's Book Club | OWN

Even the president and his wife sought marriage counseling rather than stubbornly trying to "fix" thing on their own.

https://youtu.be/WPFa23sZ7AY

Oprah and Michelle Obama sit down for a conversation about Mrs. Obama's much-anticipated, upcoming memoir, Becoming. Here, Mrs. Obama candidly discusses a st...

[10/31/18]   I stumbled upon a way to get kids off screens, at least temporarily. Have them go through their toy box to set aside toys they don't want anymore. They'll discover all kinds of toys they forgot about and start playing for the rest of the night, finding toys that are too sentimental to get rid of.

[10/30/18]   Turnabout Counseling is now a part of HRA Psychological Services!

I have recently joined forces with HRA Psychological in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Together, we have 14 therapists with various backgrounds and many years of combined experience. Now, you can still contact me with my "old" contact information, but if you want to get someone right away to make an appointment of change an appointment, you can call the front desk and get an actual person!

Our office is located at 3940 Peninsular Drive, which is just off East Paris between 28th and Burton. To make an appointment, please call 616-458-0692.

[08/29/18]   Have a Surplus Health Savings Account that needs to be used up by the end of year? Why not treat yourself to some counseling to increase your self esteem, improve your relationships, deal with anxiety, etc.? Mental Health counseling is one of the benefits you can use your HSA account for.

[08/13/18]   Having a spouse who is emotionally available:

I recently read a facebook post suggesting that if men would just listen to women's feelings they would be rewarded by a dramatic improvement in the relationship. In my cynical mind, I translated "feelings" to "complaints" and pictured someone complaining to their spouse and being annoyed that their spouse doesn't "listen" to them. While I may have misjudged the message of the post, I think it's a good reminder that we can't expect someone to "listen" to us if they've come to expect that most of what we say to them is either a criticism or giving them another task to add to their To Do list. I know very few people who respond well to criticism, especially when it's unsolicited and coming from someone who is supposed to be on their side. There are ways to pave the way for your spouse to be able to listen to you when you need to air a concern that is left unaddressed will create more conflict. For ideas on how to accomplish this, give me a call.

youtube.com

Time to put away FORTNITE?? Dad gets addicted // "I Gotta Feeling" Black Eyed Peas Parody

For all you Fortnite Parents out there...

With school starting soon, it's time to put away Fortnite.. but will parents become addicted? Thanks for watching this Fortnite parody. Make sure to follow u...

[06/25/18]   Don't wait until your kid is 16 years old to provide discipline and training. I work with a lot of parents to help them regain parental control over their children's behavior. It's always easier when you start at a young age.

Children learn a lot through making mistakes (creating problems) and experiencing natural and logical consequences. Logical consequences are most often supplied by the parents. However, there are some parents who take a hands-off approach (or too much of a hands-on approach in some cases) for a lot of years, then when their child turns about 15, they notice they become more argumentative and decide they are going to do whatever they want, and parents are stumped as to what to do about this. Unfortunately, waiting until this later age to "lay down the law" so your child starts passing classes again, or stops doing risky behavior such as underage drinking means that the consequences that have to be experienced are bigger, and so is the ensuing argument and stress on parents that comes with it.

So if you have young kids, start their training and discipline now. Be fair, consistent, and compassionate. Assume they are smart enough to learn from bad decisions when they experience reasonable consequences, and that they will learn to make good decisions as a result.

If you want help figuring out how to address those behaviors that are annoying you or worrying you, feel free to give me a call.

[06/20/18]   If you didn't have flaws you'd be really annoying to the rest of us. Embrace your imperfections.

[06/08/18]   Blended Families: His versus Her's

I work with a lot of blended families in my Grand Rapids counseling practice. In case you're not familiar, blended families are (usually) when two people are getting married for the 2nd (or maybe 3rd) time, and at least one of you has kids from a previous relationship. Blended families are a real challenge when it comes to raising kids together. Quite often the new couple has a rosy picture of how they will all get along, and this works out great...until it doesn't.

Problems arise as kids get older and are in real need of discipline. Then differences in parenting style show up sharply, not to mention family loyalties. Many times, the biological parent isn't very comfortable giving their new spouse full reign in the discipline process. The spouse will then feel like they can't provide discipline in the way the child needs and will feel they get undermined with their authority with "your" child. This will be especially problematic if they feel your child is becoming spoiled, entitled, disrespectful, etc. and they are expected to just accept it without being able to do anything to change it.

Before you make the decision to blend your family, either by moving in together or getting married, it's important to have honest discussions (plural) about how you will provide discipline for the children as a team. Have this discussion more than once and consider "practicing" letting your partner provide discipline to your child to find out how comfortable you are with someone else disciplining your child. Now when I say "discipline" I am not talking about spankings or corporal punishment of any kind. I'm talking about letting the other person give your child some directives, such as "it's time to get ready for bed", do the 1-2-3 counting if the child does not comply, and perhaps initiate the time out if they don't comply.

Again, this practice should not be done in a casual relationship as a way to see what kind of parent the other person is--that wouldn't be fair to your kids. These things should be discussed and tried when you're at the point of knowing you want to blend your families and you want to make sure things go smoothly once you actually do so.

[05/23/18]   About six months ago I decided it was time to give my young son some specific, weekly chores to do in exchange for an allowance. This was to teach him the value of helping out, responsibility, the value of a dollar, and to teach him some useful skills. I left out one thing though. I forget to encourage him to spend some money occasionally so he also sees the value of having some money in his pocket. He likes getting the weekly allowance but he puts it in his piggy bank and forgets about it. I realized that when we go to the store, he's still asking good ole dad to buy candy, gum, etc instead of using his allowance. Occasionally Dad pays for it and he pays me back. Now, I'll be providing him a wallet so he can get used to carrying a little money around (and perhaps losing his wallet which will be another learning experience) so he can make decisions about how to spend his money. Hopefully, getting the experience of paying for more things out of his own wallet will encourage a desire to earn more money to buy more things and he will start looking for odd jobs as he gets older. If I do this right, he'll learn about delaying gratification so he can buy something bigger than bubble gum, and learn about saving some of his money to have a security surplus. Wish me luck!

menshealth.com

These New Dads Love Their Babies. So Why Can't They Stop Thinking About Hurting Them?

https://www.menshealth.com/health/a20105787/postpartum-anxiety-ocd-for-men/

menshealth.com "I’m patting the baby on the back and I’m thinking, ‘Oh, my god, what’s stopping me from beating the sh*t out of this kid?"

[05/07/18]   Don't Raise Your Voice, Improve Your Argument.

I recently read an article by a feminist activist, stating that she uses the "F" word routinely in her speeches as a way of shocking people, because no one will listen to her if she doesn't swear. I was reminded of advice I had read elsewhere about "not raising your voice, but instead improving your argument". Whether you're a man or woman, if you have to result to swearing, yelling, or insulting; then you've run out of useful things to say. I've always admired people who speak well and seem to have the exact right word for the situation. The more articulate you can be, the less need there is for swearing in order to express yourself and get your point across. And people tend to hear your thoughts rather than your emotions better when you speak effectively.

I see lots of teenagers in my counseling practice who desperately want to be treated with respect by parents. Unfortunately, they sometimes decide that swearing in front of, or at, their parents will demonstrate to them they are adults because adults are allowed to swear in front of other adults. When we talk about what their parents will need from them to be able to really listen to them, they begin to realize they need to tone it down and talk in a way such that their parents can keep listening. This means choosing their words more carefully and paying attention to tone of voice and facial expressions. Invariably, when they take a softer approach, parents tend to listen more and respect them more.

Men's Resource Center of West Michigan

A good article from a young veteran of the military. He has some keen insights into the current struggles males are facing: 1) Limited and distant emotional connections with fathers—a lack of male mentoring. 2) A paucity of male friends with whom they can be emotionally vulnerable, real and honest (he notes how fellow soldiers experience intimacy as brothers in arms but lose it again as civilians) 3) How males use Porn often to quell their loneliness 4) How Males are in double bind for both being shamed for their masculinity while also for being sissies when showing vulnerability. It is heartening to see young men reflectively writing about the crisis of masculinity while providing a vision for healthy masculinities.

[03/27/18]   More on Accountability: Taking ownership of your mistakes and reparations/restitution.

In my counseling practice, especially in marriage counseling sessions, I sometimes see people failing to take ownership of the things they did to contribute to a problem by shifting responsibility to someone else. It usually comes across as, "Yes, I did that but it's not my fault because you did this first". People often see this as "making excuses" and it just makes them more annoyed. After all, how can the problem be solved, they ask, if you can't even admit what you did? This is a great way to get mired in finger pointing and anger where no one feels they are being heard.

This also happens with teenagers and can be especially upsetting for parents when you see your kids trying to avoid responsibility for their grades, their attitude, and so on.

In most situations, avoidance of taking ownership of our mistakes creates a break down in trust and good will because the other person not only knows it's our fault but has to stand there and watch us deny it. So, here's something to practice:

The next time you make a mistake, whether it's at work or home, make a point of going to your boss, your co-worker, your spouse or your parent and saying, "I'm sorry but I made a mistake and did (fill in the blank) but here's what I plan to do to fix it, or make it up to you". You'll find that not only do you feel better about yourself, but other people will have more respect for you when you take ownership of mistakes.

[03/05/18]   What do you bring to the table in your relationship?

Whether we want to think about it or not, there is a certain business-like quality to relationships. When both people bring something to the table, there tends to be more balance and harmony. One person may be better at some things while the other person is good at other things and they balance each other out.

In the beginning of relationships, we tend to focus more on personality traits and physical appearance. For example, the person we're dating may be very attractive and funny and this attraction seems enough. This however, may be more of a fair-weather circumstance. Later in relationships, reality and day to day life set in. Bills need to be paid, the house needs cleaning, meals need to be cooked, and kids need lots of care and attention. The person who was really attractive and charming loses their appeal when you realize they're not helping you with things around the house or making up for it by contributing financially. You may notice you're making most of the money and paying the bills while your partner is spending the money as quickly as it comes in, or your partner tends to buy unnecessary things while you are trying to save up for a house purchase or retirement. This can lead to major disagreements as well.

While, we shouldn't constantly keep score on who is contributing what, it is important to be aware of whether you have an equitable relationship in order to avoid feelings of frustration and resentment. And if you don't feel you have an equitable relationship, you may want to find a way to discuss your feelings so the resentment doesn't build up too high. Also, don't make the assumption that your partner is perfectly fine taking care of household chores and the children while you sit and watch the game or go to the gym by yourself. Odds are, their anger and resentment is coming to a boil.

youtube.com

MEETING THE ENEMY A feminist comes to terms with the Men's Rights movement | Cassie Jaye | TEDxMarin

This is worth listening to for both men and women.

By facing long-held assumptions, one woman reevaluates her own gender biases. Documentary Filmmaker, The Red Pill Cassie Jaye founded Jaye Bird Productions i...

ted.com

Everyday leadership

What's your "lollipop" moment?

For me, I had one when I went back to a cigar lounge I hadn't been to for about a year. There was a man sitting next to me and he finally looked at me and said, "You're a counselor aren't you?". Surprised, I said "Yes, how did you know?". He said, "about a year ago we were in here having a conversation and you said something that really changed things for me. I want to buy you a cigar." I asked him what I had said and what we had been talking about, but since there were other people in the room he was reluctant to go into details. I vaguely remember meeting him a year before but can't remember the conversation we had. But it means a great deal to me that I was able to make a difference for him that was special enough that he made a point of telling me about it.

ted.com We have all changed someone's life -- usually without even realizing it. In this funny talk, Drew Dudley calls on all of us to celebrate leadership as the everyday act of improving each other's lives.

images.google.com

Imagen: Mt. Everest : Demotivational

Yep.

images.google.com Se encontró en Google desde reddit.com

[12/27/17]   Okay, the main holidays are over and things are starting to return to normal. I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays and are ready for the new year. Make a resolution to be mentally healthy this year and help your family have the best year yet. Make plans to spend time together doing those things you keep putting off. I've been getting out my road atlas and making some plans to do some camping trips this spring and summer. And for local events, you can "like" the #grkids page for lots of great ideas for things to do with kids this year.

[12/20/17]   The holiday season is tough on a lot of people. For some, it feels like you're on the outside looking in as other people share time with friends, family, and loved ones. You may feel like your life got off track by comparison to what you see around you. If you're feeling lonely this holiday season, counseling may help you get your life back on track and start living the life you want.

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Location

Ada

Telephone

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975 Spaulding Ave, Suite D
Ada, MI
49301

Opening Hours

Monday 09:00 - 19:00
Tuesday 09:00 - 19:00
Wednesday 09:00 - 19:00
Thursday 09:00 - 19:00
Friday 09:00 - 17:00
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