12/10/2020
❤ Could not have said this better! ❤
The word doula is Greek for a “woman who serves”. There’s something so very powerful about women supporting women. Sometimes that means the delivery room of a hospital or a portable birthing tub set up in the living room. Other times it means a season of grief, anxiety, or depression.
One of the most sacred gifts we can give is becoming a “doula” for our friends; a woman who serves. A woman who climbs right into the mud, takes a seat, and says, “listen to me, you’ve got this.” A woman who holds space and isn’t uncomfortable around pain. A woman who says, “I know you feel alone, but you’re not, I’m right here and we’re going to get through this together.”
Birth isn’t the only time that life turns us inside out and hangs us upside down. It’s not the only time we’re forced out of our own bodies and literally everything is ripped from our control. It’s not the only time we walk through excruciating pain and we’re absolutely sure we CAN. NOT. DO. THIS.
Six years ago an anxiety meltdown knocked me off my feet and took all the wind from my sails. I did not know how to get through it. I couldn’t see the end, I couldn’t see how I was going to ever breathe or laugh again. Every morning I woke up with a thousand pounds on my chest and only darkness in sight. My friend showed up every day during that period, I didn’t ask her to, I wouldn't have known how to ask. She sat next to me on the porch, “What are you scared of today?”
I would sob as I confessed the terrible thoughts that were tormenting me.
“Not going to happen.” She’d say, “It’s just the anxiety talking, you’re going to be okay.” And I would sob even harder as I touched her peace for a moment.
The thing with labor and hard seasons is that you can’t always hold your own hope. You need to be reminded every other minute of your strength and of the light at the end of the tunnel. You need a doula. You need that woman who looks straight into your eyes and says, “you are so strong, you are doing amazing, hope is right around the corner.” and then a moment later to say it all over again because you forgot.
There was a sign on my friend's door the other morning when I went to drop off a meal. She’d just given birth and it was from her midwife, it read, “Mother the Mother”. It was followed with instructions on what mothering might look like. I haven’t been able to get that phrase out of my head, because it’s just exactly what we need in certain seasons of our lives.
You can be a “woman who serves”, and I can be a woman who serves, we can all do it. It looks like being an anchor in their storm. It looks like taking their hand and saying follow me, I know you can’t see the light right now, but I can and I’ll take you there. It looks like doing the dishes and taking the kids to the park. It looks like speaking the truth over and over and over again because in crisis it’s so easy to forget.
Listen, you don’t need special training, you just need to be willing to get your feet wet and your hands dirty. You have to resist feeling awkward about plopping down in the mess and muck. You don’t need to think of fancy things to say, you just need to say the same simple things over and over. Sometimes that means asking, “what makes you feel hope when I say it” and then repeating that one line until the darkness lifts and hope arrives.
We can do a lot of hard things, especially when we do them together.
Love,
Jess
Follow Sister, I am with you. for more.
