10/12/2024
CHOOSING SUCCESSFUL HABIT PATTERNS
How do you know which habit patterns are successful? People fall
into different habit patterns. Successful people do certain things.
Unsuccessful people do certain things. Find out what unsuccessful people do and don't do it! Find out what successful people do and do it!
When looking at children's habit patterns, I tell parents to ask
themselves two questions: #1. Is this a habit pattern that will help children
to get what they want through responsible action? #2. If all the kid’s were to
act like this, as children or adults, would it be OK?
If you cannot answer, "yes" to both questions, then it’s not a successful habit pattern.
If you can answer "Yes", then it is a good habit
pattern. Successful people do certain things. Become a student of human habit patterns, and then pick and choose the ones you need and let the others go. Ryan's mom called me, concerned about her son's behavior at home and at
School.
"He's not progressing in school, "she said. "I can't get him to do
anything at home anymore. I used to be able to give him special desserts and treats if he'd work, but even that’s not working any more."
When I visited her, I observed that although Ryan was a normal,
handsome twelve-year-old boy, he was still using the behaviors of an infant to get attention and approval from Mom and probably the teacher. When he wanted something or he desired to play, he would run through the house dancing, skipping, hiding things, and sneaking up behind adults yelling, "Hey sucker!"
These behaviors worked at five years old, but because of his
maturity, which requires him to communicate his needs more directly, the behaviors were now causing stress. Mom was still reinforcing the behaviors by responding to them. As a remedy, I gave Mom a quick rule of thumb.
"Your child's behavior should be no different than any responsible
adults," I said. "If you wonder how to determine responsible behaviors, just ask yourself, 'Is this behavior acceptable in the working world? Will it get him where he needs to go?' If the answer is no, stop the behavior right when he does it, then tell him how to act. Say ‘whenever you don't know something or want something/this is how you ask’ - Then tell him. Exactly.
Word for word. Have him repeat what you say.
When Ryan's Mom was in the room, I asked Ryan if he was going
outside. He didn't answer. I asked again.
"What? What’d yah say? You talkin' to me?" He pointed with his
finger toward his chest, real cutesy.
"Ryan," I said, "Put your hands down. If I ask you a question just
answer me. You'll always have my attention."
"You talkin' to me?" he smirked.
"Stop," I said. I repeated my instruction again, in a calm voice as if I was
talking to a friend. Then I said, "Repeat what I said. " He did.
"Thank you," I said. "Are you going outside?"
"Yes. Why?"
"Will you please stop at the store?" He smiled and said, "Yes", just like an adult.
The next day I asked Ryan another question concerning his activities and he started to react cutesy again. Immediately he stopped himself, like he was catching himself from falling, and answered me properly. I responded with a smile, my attention and my approval.
Ryan does have acceptable behaviors and I told Mom to respond to them. In doing so she was automatically picking the ones she wanted and letting the others go. Whatever you recognize, expect to get more of it.
Excerpt from Dr. Bruns book “15 Rules for Defiant Children and Chaotic Relationships”
About the Author:
Jeffery Bruns, Ph.D., (ABA) Licensed Services - Behavior Analyst (ABA, Behavioral/Educational, Psychology, Counseling, Mild/Severe Disability, Remedial Care and Cognitive Disabilities.
Purchase book here: https://parentinterventionclinic.com/pages/15-rules-for-defiant-children-and-chaotic-relationships
Listen the Chapter 1 and 2 of the book for free on our Spotify channel:
https://open.spotify.com/show/39R1sFUceqRctLU0qynW8U
A manual for raising kids written by Dr. Jeffery Michael Bruns
