10/17/2024
I am so honored for all the birthday wishes. I worked on sending out this message on my birthday, but anxiety overwhelmed me. However I hope this update is a gift for you too
Today is my Birthday.
I do not exactly feel as if it is a celebration, but instead a day of honoring all of my experiences since March of 2018. This may be odd to many of you about honoring challenges. However, as my oncologist said last week, “your faith and strong ancestors have consistently embraced you.”
March 11, 2018, I was calmly told by 3 doctors in the Emergency Room that I have Kidney Cancer. Wow, I never could of imagined that my life would change in so many different ways. Joy and misery, crying and laughing, but oddly mostly silence. I think I just do not have enough words, or the right words to explain what is happening. Everything changes so rapidly. How I feel, I can not expect people to understand, the changes that are mostly out of my control. I had to change the way I live, in relationships, financially, in my home and hospital. This year I have spent almost 5 months in the hospital in Albuquerque and Houston. I have to manage what my body can continue to endure. I could not speak nor listen to others about how my cancer was impacting their life. Cancer was not a choice for me. My entire life changed, for example my home changed from a community healing center to a home needing to accommodate my wheelchairs, walkers, a hospital bed, and sometimes puke bags. My home was becoming a healing a healing center for one. I honestly felt numb, and my coping mechanism is to be silent. It can be so overwhelming.
Living with cancer, changes you, it changed me and my voice. Cancer has even changed the love in my life. I loved others so much I opened my home so my community could heal, and a place traditional healers could call home. Then, I felt a new type of love, compassion. This was love from family, friends, community, entire hospital staff, community and even strangers The compassion that radiated throughout my body, home, and everyone around me. It felt like a deep plunge into an ocean of different emotions. In addition I had immense clarity once I stopped, watched and listened.
I have changed. Some of most joyous adventures in my life included teaching and Holy Listening. I was passionate about sharing my experiences and advocating for others. I believe this was a part of my life’s purpose.
Now It changed, Cancer changed my journey, it is a whirlwind and now I had to focus on me. Learning to receive and ask for help has been challenging. Love and learning is continuous.
I originally was told my cancer would spread, and I was given an estimated two years. Hearing this changes how I feel and think about everything.
Instead, my cancer has been growing slowly. Treating and healing different parts of my body. In 2022 cancer spread to my right leg. The cancer destroyed my right femur. Surgically I had metal inserted into my right femur. In 2024 Cancer spread 2 rounds of Radiation. In February, stem cell treatment. I was in hospital for two months in Houston, then New Medication, not working.
Now, on June 24, MD Andersons amazing medical team did an internal amputation. I only have metal from half the lower leg, knee, and entire femur. In hospital 5 weeks. Return home to NM. I now have a new FDA approved medication
Then last week……….
In Houston for another follow up. The Doctors literally say for the first time, great news, miracles have happened. Many small tumors have disappeared throughout my body, and one large tumor on my chest is half its size.”
So the journey continues. Today is not just a birthday celebration but a larger celebration of Honoring my life, and journey.
I have so much gratitude for YOU, your prayers, your support. Even though I have had to be Silent, and most likely will need to be silent during my continued healing.
I can feel your loving compassion, it wraps around and heals me.
Prayers are our strongest medicine.
