Alexandria Counseling Center

04/09/2026

Making healthy decisions about how you spend your free time is within your control. Those moments before work and before sleep, whether a few minutes or hours, can be spent wisely. Or, they can be easily frittered away scrolling on your phone. Smartphone users are on their devices almost 5 hours a day, and most worry that this is excessive. Recent regulations attempting to limit smartphone use in schools come from our understanding that too much use is problematic, impacting mood, socialization, and the ability to concentrate.

As an adult, it may be time to parent yourself. Setting restrictions on your phone use is not as hard as you might think. A recent study from the University of Texas at Austin has received significant media attention because researchers have discovered that simply self-blocking mobile internet access for just 2 weeks reduces smartphone use and improves both life satisfaction and mood, —even more than the use of antidepressants—while also significantly increasing attention. Blocking mobile internet for 14 days decreased media use on other devices , and also increased both social connections and sleep. That’s a lot of positive change!

The caveat is that subjects participating in the study expressed a wish to reduce their social media use. That’s where we come back to the big question, “What is a healthy way for me to use my time? “
Just like reducing alcohol use, or calories, making a commitment is the crucial first step toward change, before simply installing an app to block media use on your phone.

Using your phone for calls and texts instead of internet access may be the new wonder drug for well-being. If you feel like you are spending too much time on your phone, it’s worth a try.

Rebecca Hecht-Lewis, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

https://academic.oup.com/pnasnexus/article/4/2/pgaf017/8016017

03/02/2026

One of the most important ingredients to successful outcomes in psychotherapy is changing the way you think. Clients with “cognitive flexibility,“ who are open to the notion of changing their reactions to habitual thoughts, can learn healthier ways of thinking, and can learn to move forward and do the things that bring them pleasure. There are probably very good reasons why you might get upset when your partner raises his or her voice, or why you feel heart palpitations while driving on I-495, or why you feel depressed on Valentine’s Day. If you have memories, you will have feelings associated with those memories.

Memory is a fantastic survival skill. Therapy is about recognizing that unless you are in immediate danger, you can choose to understand and notice, but not respond to your immediate reactions. Your partner may be acting like a jerk, but you can choose not to say that aloud, and try changing the subject, or suggesting a walk instead of responding with a jab. Traffic on I-495 may be quite challenging, but you can remind yourself that you are simply anxious and alert, not having a heart attack. It’s crummy that your past relationship didn’t work, but you can find an activity next Valentine’s Day that might be enjoyable, to reinforce the idea that you are strong & moving on.

Therapy is not about focusing on the past. It’s about choosing how to use thoughts and feelings that help you celebrate life. No one can erase past trauma. But, we can focus on our strengths today. Before you make an appointment for therapy, it’s probably best to think about what a good therapy outcome might look like. It’s usually not about changing someone else, unless you have a magic wand... It’s about changing yourself. How can you change your reaction to uncomfortable thoughts that arise? How can you change a maladaptive behavior like crying, drinking or yelling, when it’s your “go to”way to express disappointment? Changing habits may be hard, but not impossible. The more open you are to exploring possibilities and practicing alternate behaviors to your triggers, the more likely you are to feel better.
Before setting up a therapy appointment, begin your own treatment by acknowledging habitual problematic thoughts and behaviors and exploring alternate responses that help you move towards a path that has meaning for you. Make a call to the Alexandria Counseling Center Associates if you’d like a little coaching on that journey.

Rebecca Hecht-Lewis, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

Therapy isn’t about labels or manuals but about processes that drive real change. Discover why psychological flexibility is the key.

01/22/2026

Making an appointment for psychotherapy with a trained mental health professional provides a safe place to talk about feelings of anxiety, depression, listlessness, inattention and irritability. However, talk therapy is usually not the best first step toward decreasing those concerns and feeling better. A good parent and teacher knows when to tell children, “Recess time! Let’s go outside!” One of the most effective steps toward improving mood and concentration is to move around in nature. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz realizing that her solution was there all the time, so too is our ability to experience nature and move our bodies. No amount of therapy creates vitamin D, sets your sleep cycle, increases your aerobic health or lubricates your joints. Even a few minutes of walking outside can decrease both depressive and anxious symptoms, while increasing focus. When access to the outdoors is limited, sway back and forth on your balcony, do seated tai chi while looking out the window, surround yourself with plants and listen to nature sounds. Although we aren’t sure why movement in nature is so powerful, we do have increasing data that natural scenery and sounds are extremely important for a mentally and physically healthy lifestyle.

Rebecca Hecht-Lewis, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

Research shows that stepping outside for some fresh air is good for your mental and physical health. Find out how nature can help you stay well, and get some quick tips to making the most of your outdoor time.

12/01/2025

Happy December! The end of the year and the beginning of a new one are known to be important “temporal landmarks.” Birthdays, holidays and the start of a new year, are times for self-reflection and “fresh starts.” They encourage us to pause, and make the distinction between what happened last year and what we envision for our future.

Instead of setting a slew of resolutions for 2026, which tend to be abandoned within a month, try something more positive this December. First, celebrate your successes this year, pat yourself on the back, and keep up the good work! These can be small accomplishments like spending less on lunches, going for more walks, shortening uncomfortable conversations, donating stuff you don’t use, or speaking up more during meetings. Moving forward works best when we notice the best path. A strategy that worked before is likely to work again.

Next, when reflecting on 2025, and talking to yourself about goals for 2026, be nice! Research shoes that respectful self-talk & positive visualization is more likely to lead toward success than self-critical talk. Now is a good time to ditch negative name calling; it doesn’t work in your favor. Focus instead on your values and set small attainable goals that align with what feels important to you. Meeting even a small goal increases dopamine in your brain. That “feel good” mechanism inspires us to keep moving.

Finally, share your aspirations aloud with someone you admire. By explaining your values to someone else, you are both acknowledging what is meaningful to you and opening the door to accountability.

If you are still standing this December 2025 you have done a lot of things right despite any disappointments along the way! Pause, celebrate, breathe and recharge. Deepak Chopra’s mantra, “obstacles are opportunities in disguise” may help you inch optimistically forward in 2026.

Rebecca Hecht-Lewis, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

Ever wonder why January is the season of resolutions? We all love a blank slate, don't we? Let's harness the benefits of the fresh start effect to reach our goals.

10/26/2025

The first two questions I ask prospective new patients address both why they are seeking treatment and what they are hoping to accomplish in therapy. As per the national statistics, symptoms of anxiety are the primary cause of pursuing mental health treatment, followed by symptoms of depression.
We could say that addressing these questions are the easiest and hardest parts of therapy. Making the decision that you have a problem that you haven’t been able to solve by yourself is a big first step. Thinking about what you hope psychotherapy might offer is an important second step towards getting the kind of treatment you want.

The harder part comes later. It’s important to reflect on what has worked for you, and what hasn’t worked, when trying to feel better. The next question is, are you willing to try substituting new behaviors and thoughts for those that have not worked for you in the past?

In my own practice, working with those who serve the U.S. government, families, young adults, and seniors, the most common diagnosis that my patients receive is an Adjustment Disorder with Anxiety and/or Depression. What you are feeling may not be permanent, may not be habitual, and may just be a result of changes in your environment. Are you adjusting to a new job, a new boss, illness or loss? Are you trying to help a family member who is not doing well?

In many ways therapy, while challenging, is usually not complicated. It is about assessing a problem, exploring what solutions have worked and have not worked in the past, and brainstorming about a plan for the future. The hard work comes with practicing new ways of thinking and behaving. The world is full of things that we cannot change. But, each day we can continue to grow by doing the best we can, by not looking backwards, and by trying to have a plan for moving forward.

The two links below might help you to examine whether you are thinking about difficult situations in a healthy way. The thought-record worksheet encourages you to record thoughts in order to make them more realistic and solution-focused. The video link below is both a funny and honest view of therapy. Don’t let the title, “Four Years of Therapy in One Minute “ scare you; 4 years of therapy are not required to come to healthier conclusions! One minute? Might take a little bit longer…

Rebecca Hecht-Lewis, PhD Clinical Psychologist

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/media/djbmtdfj/thoughtrecordsheet.pdf

https://youtube.com/shorts/QdJrrKm6ZH4?si=HoW_zCDtmct5DSGm

09/15/2025

We all need a good night’s sleep. Sleeping approximately 7-9 hours each night is essential for both our mental and physical health. If you’re having difficulty getting enough sleep, resulting in low energy and decreased clarity during the day, you are not alone. In the United States, between 50 to 70 million adults experience some form of sleep deprivation. Women tend to have more sleep problems than men, and those who have experienced stressful events also tend to have increased incidences of sleep disorders. Sometimes lack of sleep can be a short term issue, but it can also be chronic, lasting weeks, months, and even years.

Poor sleep affects mental health by increasing cortisol production, which increases anxiety, irritability and depression. It’s noteworthy that 70% of individuals with mental health disorders report difficulty sleeping and nearly all individuals with suicidal thoughts also have sleep problems. Sleep serves many important functions in the body, allowing the cells to repair themselves, helping us organize our memories efficiently and storing energy that can be used during the daytime. It’s hard to have energy and to think clearly when you are tired.

Causes of sleep disorders are complex. While long-term stress can create sleep problems, sleep problems can also cause stress. Sleep disorders can lead to medical conditions, and medical conditions can also create sleep disorders. It’s important to discuss sleep concerns with your physician. This helps to rule out medical problems that may be impacting sleep such as sleep apnea, low vitamin D, and hormonal imbalances that impact melatonin production.

While various medications can be helpful for sleep, cognitive behavioral therapy and sleep hygiene education are clinically effective treatments without the risk of many pharmacological options. Therapy and sleep-training focus on setting you up for success when you head to bed. Things that tend to promote quality sleep include having a regular sleep/wake cycle, avoiding caffeine and alcohol, getting exercise in the sunlight between 7 and 9 AM, diminishing light in the evening, and practicing self soothing before laying in bed. Self-calming techniques include anything from taking a hot bath, listening to soothing sounds, music or a guided sleep meditation, practicing relaxing breathing, or using progressive relaxation to systematically tense and then relax muscles.

If you wake up, don’t lay in bed worrying about not sleeping. Talk to yourself logically and positively. Remind yourself that eventually, you will likely fall back to sleep, just as you have many times before. If you are still fretting, get up, repeat some self-calming techniques and then go back to bed. Retraining yourself to develop sleep-promoting habits may take time, with or without medication. But, improved sleep can happen. Sweet dreams…

Rebecca Hecht-Lewis PhD
Clinical Psychologist

Better sleep can be yours! Consider sleep tips for the weary.

07/31/2025

The notion that those who are closest to us share our beliefs and values begins in childhood. Infants cry, hoping that their caregivers will know whether they are hungry, tired, wet, or bored. Although believing that others think the way we do can be reassuring and bonding, it also can be frustrating. Studies of couples and families around the world have found that assuming loved ones share the same values and beliefs can lead to misunderstandings. Although your partner may know you well, they may not know exactly what you mean when you talk about your feelings. To avoid the conflict that can come from misperceptions, it’s useful to check-in with your partner about their statements. Simply repeating back a statement to clarify the meaning is a good first step, ie, ”So you said…, right?”
“Tell me more,“ or “help me to understand that better“ can also be helpful and affirms your interest. When sharing something very important to you, let your partner know that it’s a core belief or goal. Speak non-judgmentally from your own perspective, such as, “For me, it’s really important that…” Understand that other perspectives exist and avoid words like “should.”

Don’t make assumptions about your partners values, because it may get in the way of actually learning what’s really important to them. You don’t have to be a good mind reader to have a good relationship. But, it’s important to have the tools to try to understand where your partner is coming from. Couples don’t need to agree in order to have great relationships, but they do need to both try to understand each other and to avoid devolving into arguments when their perceptions differ.

Rebecca Hecht-Lewis, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

06/30/2025

Being ghosted by a family member can be extremely painful. Estrangement from people who you assumed would want to maintain a life long connection is hard to talk about, especially when there’s a social assumption that families remain in touch with each other out of love, responsibility, and shared history.

Sadly, the number of families experiencing disconnection appears to be growing. Research suggests that 27% of individuals are estranged from a close family member. The numbers are highest for fathers, for families who have experienced divorce, and for families navigating LBGTQ changes.

While there’s often an angry “last straw” reason for disengaging from a parent or close relative, the lack of contact will likely not be permanent. Reconciliation does happen. A first step towards reconnection is to empathically reach out and acknowledge that there is likely an important reason for the current distance that you now want to try to understand. Apologizing for any behaviors or comments that have caused pain is also essential. Finally, optimism that things can be better in the future is also useful.

Be a good positive listener should the estranged family member reach out in any small way. You may want a face-to-face conversation, but celebrate phone calls, emails and texts as baby steps toward reconnecting. Therapy can also provide a neutral space to express feelings and expectations. The goal is to look backwards only in order to find a way to move forward with understanding, flexibility and respect.

Rebecca Hecht-Lewis, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

Therapists can assist patients to identify relationships worth salvaging or help heal the pain of detachment.

06/01/2025

It’s ironic that even though “kindness” is one of the most important traits in relationships, our tendency is to dismiss, rather then affirm, kind and complimentary statements. Women tend to have the most difficulty accepting compliments, minimizing or deflecting compliments from men 60% of the time and from women 78% of the time. Since we aren’t even half way through 2025, maybe you can learn to make it the year of accepting versus killing compliments from others.

It’s pretty easy to say “thank you,” affirming the positive statements of friends, co-workers and partners. The next step is to hold on to the compliment internally instead of automatically dismissing it as untrue. Yes, people might actually like you, value your contributions, and find you attractive! Dr. Lindsey Godwin suggests keeping a compliment journal and revisiting compliments in order to help you see your strengths as others do. Compliments are gifts from others. Unwrap them graciously and thankfully. Then use those gifts to grow yourself and your relationships.

Rebecca Hecht-Lewis, PhD
Clinical Psychologist



Reflect, reframe, and let it sink in.

05/05/2025

Having a counseling practice in the Washington metropolitan area has meant that anxiety in response to job cuts and changes to federal workforce policy is now a daily topic in psychotherapy. With an estimate of 30,000 DC federal employees losing their jobs- compounded by unpredictable and negative emails demeaning their performance- the sense of meaning, purpose and financial stability has decreased. Unsurprisingly, anxiety, agitation and low mood have increased. In recent weeks, worrying patients have also included seniors without salaries who are solely dependent on their savings and social security to pay their bills.

The question of how to cope with political or economic upheaval isn’t a new one. Researchers have found that administration changes tend to make political supporters of a new administration more optimistic and non-supporters more anxious. Optimism is generally good for mental health while pessimism and anxiety actually make you sick by increasing blood pressure and inflammation. If you need to worry in order to come up with a plan, do it rationally and productively. Worrying for hours is unlikely to result in a better outcome than 10 minutes of worry. Think of your concerns as questions. Write them down to share with a spouse, friend, financial advisor, lawyer or union representative. When your productive check-in is over, set your concerns aside and do something healthier. Whether it’s taking a few minutes for exercise, helping others, completing a task, or focusing on gratitude, your anxiety is likely to decrease while physical and mental wellness are likely to improve. We think more clearly when we feel calmer.

It’s important to notice the triggers that increase your anxiety. If watching the news leads to more agitation, avoid doomscrolling & watch news no more than twice a day. If checking your IRA upsets you, do it only once a month. If interaction with certain individuals increases anxiety, try to limit those contacts. If negative emails about your performance are sent by people who know nothing about your job, remind yourself of your last positive review. Reach out to your supervisor and team for support and affirmation. Take a breath and sort out the truth: what’s about you and what’s about politics.

How to cope with turmoil in life is similar to the strategies used to heal after an illness. Focus on good sleep, exercise and nutrition. Avoid doing too much that’s stressful. Breathe slowly when you become upset. Get help and be patient. Use the advice you would give to your best friend. Keep a clear head and take care of yourself.
Things may improve over time.

Rebecca Hecht-Lewis, PhD Clinical Psychologist

Americans are experiencing a mix of emotions as Trump prepares to start his second term as president of the United States. Rachel Waford, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and assistant professor of global health at Emory’s Rollins School of Public Health. In this interview, she discusses how politi...

03/28/2025

When we think of mindfulness, we might imagine closing our eyes and taking deep, repetitive breaths for self-calming. Focussed breathing, or meditation, is a very effective mindfulness tool. However, other mindfulness techniques can also be useful for reducing anxiety, increasing focus, reducing pain, and improving communication with others.

Noticing and regulating our breath is making use of just two of our senses, auditory and physical awareness. Mindfulness encourages using all of our senses to help understand situations and to better process our own feelings. For example, simply by noticing and then mentally disempowering the physical symptoms of withdrawal by saying “This feeling usually will pass when you do this instead…” can reduce cravings for alcohol, ni****ne, and even Internet gaming. Visual cues are also important. “What do I see around me? Does this feel like a comfortable spot to sit? Does being near a window make me feel more positive?“ Adding auditory mindfulness can help us to notice which sounds help us to feel better and be more productive. If someone is speaking in a loud, rapid voice making it hard to process their message without irritation, it’s OK to say, “Sorry, would it be possible to slow that down a bit to help me understand?” If classical music soothes us and jazz energizes us, we can use that data to meet our daily goals. Aromatherapy can also be helpful by choosing smells that help us to relax or sleep (lavender) or that help with focus (peppermint.)

Mindfulness is a useful tool for enhancing communication at work and at home. Before beginning a potentially difficult conversation, first check in with your own physical and emotional state. “Are my muscles calm? Is my tone of voice soft and steady? Am I sitting in a spot where I can imagine feeling peaceful before having this conversation? Can I visualize and imagine a positive outcome and how might I get there? Would I feel more ready to connect if I was drinking a cup of coffee or sipping water while we talk?“

Mindful listening is extremely important for social connection. “Am I paying attention to the speaker’s words? What am I hearing? What is their tone? Am I making eye contact? What am I noticing about the speaker’s face?“ Am I signaling that I’m listening? Are my signals that I’m listening?” This sense of increased awareness allows us to get in sync with others.

Paying attention to your breath is the first step in a mindfulness practice. Now, think five! How lucky that we have multi-sensory tools that help us to self-soothe and to be more aware of what’s happening around us.

Rebecca Hecht-Lewis , PhD Clinical Psychologist

Engaging with the world around you can lower your stress. Here's how to practice mindfulness meditation.