Abby Sheneman, PsyD, LCSW

12/19/2025

Your needs are valid, even when other people don’t see or understand them.

And the more attuned you become to your own needs, feelings, bodily sensations, and values, the less you question your needs — you *know* they’re important, and you know what happens when you aren’t well-resourced.

The more you see your own patterns, you begin to recognize that understanding your own patterns and taking care of yourself helps you show up more fully in every area of your life.
And, over time, you see that making sure your needs are met is your job — no one else can do that for you.

No one else can feel what’s happening within you, no one else knows what feels right or slightly off.
Only you can do that.
And over time you see how important it is to share your needs and patterns early on in relationships.
Because you NEED these things (like clear, consistent communication), and you know that if someone doesn’t align with these needs, this isn’t going to work out.

And this is actually really empowering - to know yourself and to know what you need. It helps you move in the direction of a satisfying, authentic, connected, resilient, and joyful life.

And the more connected you are to you, the less and less you try to change other people.
Because you recognize that they are the only ones who can make their own big decisions, and they will show up in their lives in the way they want to show up.

And this will sometimes mean grieving people as we grow apart, or being excited about someone only to realize the alignment isn’t there.
But self-trust is believing that you are worth it, your needs matter, and that you can both be good people even if you aren’t on the same page right now.

If you’re interested in learning more about this way of relating to yourself, I’ll be starting the 2026 cohort of the Cycle Breakers program in January — for those who are working to heal and shift old patterns, and are looking to practice new ways of relating to self and others in a small, supportive group of like-minded people.
If you've always wanted community to do this work with, this is a great place to do it.
Register by Monday to get 2025 pricing (save $200) and to receive a 1:1 with me.

https://theeqschool.co/cycle-breakers

12/19/2025

Knowing the difference between bonding with others who have had similar (and sometimes not so similar) traumas, and actual “trauma bonds” is very helpful. Those who have experienced trauma of any sort definitely speak a different language and we also receive comments and feedback differently than those who have NOT experienced trauma. The well meaning comments from friends, family members, the general public we interact with on any given day can totally land wrong and even trigger the average trauma survivor (warrior)… it isn’t intentional (most of the time), but just a difference in how we perceive things. Breathe. Allow yourselves to process. Give yoursef some grace. You are doing better than you think.
~Deb 🩷

12/19/2025

Ever tried to remember something from your childhood... and came up empty?
You're not alone.
Trauma doesn't just leave emotional wounds - it can reshape your brain, blurring timelines, distorting details, or erasing memories entirely.
It's not because those memories weren't real. It's because your brain chose survival over remembrance.
When things became too overwhelming, your mind protected you by forgetting.
Some memories may return in fragments.
Others might never come back.
And that can be one of the most unsettling parts - not knowing what you lost, only sensing the void it left behind.
This isn't dysfunction. This is defense.
And healing doesn't mean forcing memories to return - it means honoring the parts of you that had to forget in order to survive.
You are not broken. You're not making it up.
This is how trauma hides itself — not just in wounds, but in what was forgotten to survive.
Healing is not about forcing the memories back.
It's about offering compassion to the parts of you that had to forget.

12/19/2025

12/19/2025

Today is International Day for Human Rights - an important day to remember that health care is an essential human right, and mental health care access is a critical part of health care.

Learn more about how different factors impact access to care at nami.org/advocacy

12/05/2025

You don’t have to explain your grief to anyone who hasn’t lived it.

You don’t have to justify the hard days, the quiet days, or the days that knock you flat.

People who haven’t walked this path will never understand the way it changes everything.

And that’s okay — they don’t have to.

You’re allowed to feel what you feel
without defending it,
without shrinking it,
without apologizing for it.

I.R.💜

11/30/2025