04/07/2026
🫂At the heart of every relationship is a quiet question: ‘Do you see me, hear me, and care for me?’
📚This month, we’re diving into “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” by Dr. Sue Johnson. This book explores how our need for emotional closeness shapes the way we love, argue, and reconnect, offering practical strategies for couples. Dr. Johnson breaks it down into three parts.
✨We’re starting with Part One: “A New Light on Love”.
🔎 This section offers a different way of understanding relationships. Looking at love as something deeper than communication styles or surface-level conflict. It invites us to think about connection, emotional safety, and what we’re really needing from each other underneath it all.
🔑 Key Takeaways from Part 1:
💞 We’re Wired for Connection: Feeling close, supported, and emotionally safe is a fundamental human need. Our relationships are rooted in this deep desire.
💔 Conflict is Often About Disconnection: Arguments about chores, money, or communication often reflect deeper feelings of being unheard, unseen, or loss of security. When connection feels uncertain, it can trigger strong emotional reactions— leading us to protest, shut down, or try to reconnect in ways that may not come across as intended.
🔄 It’s the Pattern, Not the Person: Many conflicts come from getting stuck in the same back-and-forth cycles rather than something being “wrong” with either partner. Patterns like criticism, defensiveness, and withdrawal (what Dr. Johnson calls “demon dialogues”) can take over, making it harder for partners to reach each other. ⚠️ Disclaimer: This concept does not apply to abusive or unsafe relationships. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, please seek support. Resources are provided at the end of this post. ⚠️
🤝 Connection is Built Through A.R.E.: Feeling secure in a relationship often comes down to three things: being Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged with one another.
💭At the end of Part 1, Dr. Sue Johnson offers something called the A.R.E. Questionnaire— a simple way to reflect on emotional connection in your relationship. It is based on three core questions:
👐 Are you Accessible to me? (Can I reach you emotionally?)
👂Are you Responsive to me? (Do you respond to my needs?)
🤝 Are you Engaged with me? (Do I feel like I matter to you?)
🤍 These questions get at the heart of what many of us are truly asking in relationships: “Are you there for me?”
➡️Want to try the questionnaire yourself? Scroll through the other images in this post for step-by-step directions!
✨Coming Up: As we move through the book this month, we’ll share insights from Part Two, which focuses on actionable conversations and exercises to reshape relationships.
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Additional Resources:
Emergency Services: Call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room
Iowa Coalition Against Domestic Violence: 515-244-8028
Iowa Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-770-1650
