10/29/2024
October 29
“Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.” —Maya Angelou (1928–2014)
Angelou, a writer, dancer, and civil rights activist, poetically reminds us that feeling sorry for ourselves can be a trap. A self-pity party can lead to a self-destructive cycle. In AA circles, it’s “Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink.” We will be mistreated in life. Feeling hard done by is unavoidable. But indulging in these guilty pleasures is something we can take some responsibility for.
The balancing act for us is to mitigate our self-pity while facing a life that will include hardships, abuses, and misfortune. To counter overreaction by repressing grief and anger isn’t what we’re talking about. When we suppress feelings, we don’t kill them; we bury them alive. They will resurface again and again until we let them breathe and run their course. The idea that our feelings will consume and destroy us if we let them out is generally backward. Repressing feelings is toxic—experiencing them relieves the poison.
Meditation can help sort out whether we are overindulging in pity or honoring our feelings. If, after reflection, we need more feedback about our motives, we can consult a sponsor, counselor, or close confidante.
It has been said that self-pity is like kicking the thing that stubbed your toe. Am I in a pity-party over anything right now? When was the last one? Can I learn something about myself by looking at what triggers this behavior?
