11/20/2023
With (American) Thanksgiving just around the corner, and many other holiday gatherings on the horizon, a topic that often resurfaces in my counseling sessions is (unsolicited) comments from others. These might include comments about body size, weight, appearance, or food choices. While often not intended to be harmful, commenting on someone else’s body, eating habits, or food choices usually is.
If you have found yourself at the receiving end of one of these comments, you know how insensitive and out of touch they can feel. So, what can you do? Out of respect for yourself, your body, and your behaviors, you can focus on setting boundaries. Though you can’t predict how others will respond, you can honor yourself and your feelings by taking steps to dismantle the systems.
Setting boundaries might look like:
• Telling Auntie Susie that, “I know you mean well, but I’m working on embracing body neutrality right now and talking about my weight and body size isn’t helpful for me.”
• Sending an email ahead of time to friends/family members and telling them that you’ve been working really hard to challenge anti-fat bias and embrace the body you’re in, and that you would love it if they could support you.
• In response to food shaming (“you’re going to eat THAT?”) you might say, “I think all foods have a place in my diet and trust myself to enjoy the foods I want in the amounts that feel right to me.”
• Setting a hard limit. “I’m not going to discuss dieting.”
If the above doesn’t work, or you’re not ready to address the topic directly:
• Create space. Give yourself time to process, decompress, and take time to support you and your wellbeing.
• Change the subject. Try shifting the conversation away from how you look to how you feel: “I’ve actually been more focused lately on doing things that maintain my energy and help me feel grounded. I try not to focus on my weight as a measure of how I feel.”
• Set an example. Talk about yourself and others kindly.
• Engage in other ways. If body/weight/food discussions always happen around gatherings that involve food, suggest that you do something different like see an art exhibit, go bowling, or go holiday shopping instead.
Taking care of you isn’t always easy but it is important. What other ways have you set boundaries around body/food in your interactions with others?
(Stay tuned for Part 2 coming soon - How to Talk to Someone Without Commenting on Their Weight)