Holding Hope Counseling, LLC.

08/26/2025

01/16/2025

Take good care of yourself.

10/24/2024

People are constantly telling people to not be afraid to feel their feelings. We do this with great intentions, but even though, in theory, it's a valuable offering, it's a little short-sighted. Yes, people ought to feel their feelings, but for so many folks that's completely overwhelming. I think this is why therapy, community, etc is so valuable. It's a space to feel while being witnessed. It's a space to feel while being held. It's a space to do it and lean in without having to be alone in the experience. So maybe instead of telling someone to feel their feelings, might you find a way to share with them that you'll be right there with them? That you'd like to feel alongside of them? That you'd like to hold them while they feel? That you'd like to listen while they share? And might you ask for what you need from another if you're in the other position? Might you ask someone to hold you, to experience alongside you, to sit with you?

06/17/2024

Of course it’s healthy to expect a partner to be attuned. After some time together you might want them to know how you take your coffee, or what some straightforward preferences are. I’m all about that. But relationships do require us to come back to asking for needs to be met. Teaching people what lands and what doesn’t. It doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t have healthy expectations of our partners. They ought to be attuned and hopefully be able to get some predictions correct. They ought to be pretty dialed in. But we teach and communicate over and over again because what we need actually can change.

06/17/2024

05/10/2024

A complaint is not always a signal that the person needs you to offer a solution.⁠
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Offering a solution IS sometimes needed *and* it can be so much more powerful to check in about that first.⁠
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“How can I be most helpful?"⁠
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“I have a few ideas for you, would you like to hear them?”⁠
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And, if you’re the complainer, help your listener out. “I have some stuff going on that I just need to talk about. I can figure it out but I just need a listening ear.”⁠
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“Is it okay if I vent to you? I don’t need much other than a listening ear.”⁠
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Or, if you want them:⁠
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“I really need some ideas on how to work this out, can you help?”⁠
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Complaining is sometimes a signal for listening. And sometimes a signal for solving. Be clear with each other.

04/11/2024

How enticing? Honestly, it makes sense why we focus on them, or downplay things from our past, or fantasize about a change that will resolve the stuff we're dealing with in partnership. But what I've learned over the last 17 years as a therapist is that the above (plus some) helps us all stay stuck. Let me be very clear: sometimes the other person IS engaging in problematic behavior (and it calls for our attention), sometimes we are in a relationship that we ought to exit, sometimes looking back at our past is deeply confronting. But if we only focus on the above it takes us and our personal responsibility, healing, and empowerment out of the equation. What has kept you stuck in the past? What would you add to the list?