03/25/2026
Joint attention doesn’t always look like eye contact.
For a lot of the kids I work with, connection doesn’t look the way we’ve been taught to expect it. It doesn’t always mean looking at my face. Sometimes it means we’re both locked in on the same counting sequence, stomping our feet, waiting for “blast off” together.
That is joint attention.
In this session, my client wasn’t interested in anything I brought. So I put it all away and I followed him. He loves numbers. So we counted. I tapped the table. Then I stomped. I added tiny sensory changes to keep things interesting enough that he kept noticing me. Not because I asked him to. Because I made myself worth noticing.
And then I paused.
I waited. Longer than felt comfortable. Because his brain needed that space to anticipate, to process, to want to join in. The pause isn’t doing nothing. The pause is the whole thing.
Here’s what this looked like:
🔢 Follow their lead first. Whatever they’re already doing, start there. Numbers, cars, water, the same show on repeat. That’s your entry point. Add sensory variety. Small changes in how you do it keep their nervous system tuned in to you without any demand attached.
⏸️ Use the pause. Silence builds anticipation. It gives their brain the processing time it needs to meet you there.
And if you’re reading this thinking this never works like that at home, I hear you. Some days he walked away from me too. But I kept showing up the same way and eventually something shifted
This also isn’t about what you’ve been doing wrong. This is just one more tool.
This isn’t about what you’ve been doing wrong. You have been trying so hard. This is just one more tool.
Try this tomorrow morning. Whatever your child is already doing, sit next to them and do it too. Don’t redirect. Don’t add language yet. Just join. That’s step one.
And I’m not saying eye contact doesn’t matter. I’m saying it’s not the only way your child is telling you they’re with you. There are so many ways kids show up for connection. We just have to learn to see them.