Ann Arbor Holistic Therapy & PACT Couples Counseling

05/22/2022

Honesty while maintaining connection is part of the dance of intimacy. How can we be authentic AND maintain connection w/ self/other/community/nature? Can we neither attack, nor withdraw? Can we stand in our truth and still hold space for another’s truth? Can we be curious? After all, of course, ours is not the only or ultimate truth.

11/16/2021

This is a BIG part of what we do together in our sessions. Many of us never learned to do this in our family of origin so it makes a lot of sense that we struggle with navigating communication/emotions in our intimate relationships! We CAN learn this though - in a safe, supportive setting.

09/23/2021

This is really challenging, yet deeply rewarding work we all must do to heal- for ourselves, each other, our children and our communities.

09/14/2021

This is an essential aspect of conflict resolution - can you separate your experience from that of the other person? Can you be genuinely curious and ask, “What was happening for you?” Try it! I’d love to hear how it goes!

08/06/2021

Self-abandonment: ⁣
* Looks like: letting go of passions, hobbies, and interests.⁣
* Sounds like: “I’m fine,” “Whatever you want,” “Just go ahead.”⁣
* Feels like: confusion, numbness, flatness.⁣
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It is as if you are breaking up with yourself to save the relationship.⁣
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Self-abandonment is an awful sense that you are standing at a crossroads and that you need to choose between yourself and your partner. ⁣
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We know that our relationship dynamic is off-track when it feels:⁣
* Like a win/lose dynamic: only one of us comes out ahead.⁣
* Like pie: the bigger a piece I get, the smaller the piece you get.⁣
* Like opposing teams: I am fighting for me and you are fighting for you.⁣
These dynamics are “symptoms” that are begging for our attention.⁣
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It so tempting to do more of the same: get louder, dig in, explain yourself more. But the research is clear that these dynamics do not resolve on their own.⁣
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You need a different approach. A different stance. A different perspective.⁣
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You need to position yourself shoulder-to-shoulder with your partner looking together at the problem. You need to create a story that is founded in bounty/plenty/abundance/mutuality.⁣
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This is easier said than done. I have spent years helping people shift from self-abandonment to a relational framework. ⁣
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If you want to learn more about this topic, join Mark Groves and me on 7.8.21 at 5pm cst for a FREE webinar. Space is limited. Link in bio to sign up. I can’t wait to see you there!!

05/23/2021

A powerful article for parents of newborns that reminds us why it's more important than ever to maintain a strong orientation to your couple and how ultimately that is what is best for your newborn as well!

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04/05/2020

03/25/2020

This orienting interview is circulating ~ David Kessler, is a renowned expert and author on grief and the founder of www.grief.com . He is offering a FB group for those who have lost a loved one and are grieving right now and free live daily grief support at 1 PM PT. Join here:

https://m.facebook.com/groups/DavidKessler

“Anticipatory grief is the mind going to the future and imagining the worst. To calm yourself, you want to come into the present. This will be familiar advice to anyone who has meditated or practiced mindfulness but people are always surprised at how prosaic this can be. Realize that in the present moment, nothing you’ve anticipated has happened. In this moment, you’re okay. You can also think about how to let go of what you can’t control. What your neighbor is doing is out of your control. What is in your control is staying six feet away from them and washing your hands. Focus on that.
Finally, it’s a good time to stock up on compassion. Everyone will have different levels of fear and grief and it manifests in different ways.

When I talk about the stages of grief, I have to remind people that the stages aren’t linear and may not happen in this order. It’s not a map but it provides some scaffolding for this unknown world. There’s denial, which we say a lot of early on: This virus won’t affect us. There’s anger: You’re making me stay home and taking away my activities. There’s bargaining: Okay, if I social distance for two weeks everything will be better, right? There’s sadness: I don’t know when this will end. And finally there’s acceptance. This is happening; I have to figure out how to proceed.

Acceptance, as you might imagine, is where the power lies. We find control in acceptance. I can wash my hands. I can keep a safe distance. I can learn how to work virtually. This is a temporary state. It helps to say it. The precautions we’re taking are the right ones. And, I believe we will find meaning in it. I’ve been honored that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s family has given me permission to add a sixth stage to grief: Meaning.”

The coronavirus pandemic has led to a collective loss of normalcy.