By Your Side

11/17/2024

Sunday Morning Music!

“Small Axe” from Bob Marley & The Wailers’ 1973 album, Burnin’! Listen to the full album now on all major streaming and digital services at http://smarturl.i...

11/13/2024

People in the developing world and the southern states of our own country are suffering the devastating effects of our warming planet. Excess heat is a risk to pregnant people. Please take our changing climate seriously, it’s easy in Wisconsin to ignore the deadly consequences.

I’d been taking care of myself and the baby. Then the heat came. This is Mariama’s story

10/22/2024

A full moon baby is not as common as popular culture might have you believe. Last week’s beautiful moon was a little extra special, for with it arrived sweet baby Josie.
Josie waited a little longer than any of her siblings to arrive earthside. Thursday night, I was full of hope for a middle-of-the-night wake-up call, as it seemed like labor was getting closer.
(One of the hard jobs as a midwife is to curb your enthusiasm , when families ask: is this really happening? and all you have to go on is your gut. Many of you have experienced this from me and other midwives – vague and noncommittal answers like: soon! Or, I’m hopeful. Or, we’ll see! Try to get some rest.)
Lo and behold, my phone rang just after two! It seemed like labor was starting, though the pattern was a little different from usual, so we gave it 15 minutes before heading out. I arrived at their house in the wee dark hours accompanied by the beautiful supermoon. We were going to have a baby that day, maybe before the sun came up, although both parents were still a little in denial and expecting something that would linger into the morning and maybe even the afternoon.
Not long after I got there, the youngest woke up and was simply not interested in going back to sleep. She made her way downstairs after we got the birth tub set up and were filling it with water, which was an amazing distraction and a real draw! She also just wanted to be with her mama, touch her sweetly. A little voice asking, “what doing?” and “baby” sounded throughout the labor. She wasn’t phased for a moment.
Not long after, her older brothers woke up – those sounds from labor can be confusing and even a little scary if you don’t know what’s going on. I checked in with each of them and told them their mama was working hard, and that she was OK. I encouraged them to find each other, and they did – in the living room where the labor was happening. This was not part of the plan! But they just settled in, and asked questions, checked in. In the meantime, this baby was getting closer and closer.
Her mama, M, was working hard - M asked me to check and make sure, see how much work she had ahead of her: just a tiny bit of cervical tissue, her baby's head was low, and her bag of water was intact. Her water had always been broken in the past, but not this time. I had enough time to tell her what I felt and write down the time, when she said “AnnMarie!” with a fierce look in her eyes; I could see the top of her babies head beginning to emerge. I turned to my apprentice Mae, and said, “Get the bowl!” (with the birth kit, which was both unspoken and understandably, unexpected). She said, “get what?” And said: “Everything! Her head's out.”
Mae passed everything closer and we turned to witness this beautiful baby swimming out into the water, to see her mother‘s hands reach out and gather her up, bringing her to her chest. To see this scrunched up little face, ready to take on the world, singing out her first words with her whole family right there. I don’t think I will ever forget the awe on her siblings’ faces, the pride and relief on her dad‘s face, and the sheer joy on her mom‘s.
Josie was born before sunrise, Friday, October 18, 2024. 9 lbs. 8 oz. and 21 inches long with tons of vernix and lots of dark hair. Welcome to the world, beautiful Josie!

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10/16/2024

Rarely have I encountered a pastry so perfectly made for a midwife.

Thank you Voyageur’s Bake House for the treat! (Plum and chocolate danish)

10/03/2024

This is a use of AI I can get with.

Most birthing women and people would agree…and many remember the exact details throughout their lives.

What we say, and how we say it, what we do and how we do it, matters. Listening and hearing matters.

09/14/2024

Our skin is our biggest organ. This is why I generally encourage parents to avoid baby oils, lotions, creams, sunscreens - well into childhood! The smaller the human, the greater the surface area for taking in endocrine and microbiome disrupting chemicals and ingredients.
Also keep this in mind for yourselves.

Children using personal care products had more phthalates, which are linked to reproductive and metabolic diseases

09/03/2024

Her story is so relatable to so many people. You may wonder why I post and share the writings of people who have had difficult experiences surrounding pregnancy, labor, childbirth, postpartum. After all, I often encourage pregnant people to avoid other people’s horror stories. I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. – I think maybe we all need to start holding space for a range of experiences. As storytellers, we need to be clear that what we’re sharing is our own experience. The stories to avoid seem to be the ones where the teller is saying, “oh, you’ll regret XYZ …”

We don’t need to wish hardship on anyone.

But - people need to be able to speak openly about the reality of their experience. There is so much shame involved in “failures” in this realm of life. Feeding, like every other aspect of growing, birthing and raising a child, can be unexpectedly challenging. Even in that, it can be joyful when people are supported and loved through the process.

The long read: My commitment to breastfeeding exclusively was related to shame. If I couldn’t do it, I felt I would be letting the baby down

09/02/2024

Happy Labor Day!
This post is from 2020, but these prints are still favorites of mine.
We can talk about work-life balance till the cows come home, but in the end, many people work more than 40 hours for their job, and many parents put in a second shift at home. Remember to take time to play!

08/21/2024

When my daughter was born, we lived far from family or regular support and my spouse worked long days, sometimes traveling for jobs. We were broke, determined and absolutely joyful about having our kiddo. The reality of isolation, worry and shame that I just wasn’t feeling how a new mom was “supposed to feel” hit again and again. I had the space, encouragement and support to start a new parent’s group. The 4 other mothers and babies who (thankfully!!!!) showed up saved my life and sanity.
The transition into parenthood, is an intense and ongoing process. It’s not meant to happen in isolation. When children are wee, non-speaking, dependent and vulnerable, being the lone adult with them for the day can be crushingly lonely. The first weeks of recovery and welcoming can feel isolating in this moment in our society. Although I strongly recommend a lying in period of recovery, I also often find myself saying, “you have to balance the need for rest with not feeling shut away and wanting company when the rest of the household is hanging in the living room.”

Isolation falls heaviest on new parents, but it’s not unique to them. Support often drops with a second (third, fourth, fifth and so on). Responsibilities are increased exponentially, and many mothers are struggling to carry this alone. Expectations around child rearing are more intense and mothers shoulder the majority of the responsibility. Discourse on women being “natural caregivers” leaves the person who gave birth feeling like there’s something wrong with them and pulls the other parent- if there is another parent- out of relationship with their kids, and their partners.
We are not meant to parent so intensively, so alone.

Let’s work on changing the narrative.

The mothers of babies and young children often experience extreme isolation – and all the health problems that accompany it

07/03/2024

“Many new mothers will recognise the flashes of primal rage that can come with being chronically sleep-deprived, sore, and having your life turned upside down. But there are good biological reasons for women suppressing those feelings in early motherhood. Anger isn’t necessarily a safe emotion around a baby, I say. “No,” she concedes. But she points out the difference in telling someone close to you, in a matter-of-fact way, that you are struggling with these frightening feelings of rage and that person saying they understand, compared with: “Oh my God, let’s get you to a GP, to mental health services. I’m scared by you saying this.””

By 2021, women around the world were 6% angrier than men, a gap that widened during the pandemic. Dr Jennifer Cox says it is time to let it all out

06/07/2024

Holy cats, this is an excellent- if sometimes challenging - piece of writing.
Thank you, Rachel Somerstein.

“But you can’t think your way out of a broken system, or one that only appears to grant mothers freedom of choice: not when there aren’t enough midwives to meet demand; when hospitals and insurance companies promote and reimburse epidurals and electronic fetal monitoring, not low-tech, high-touch skills to promote vaginal birth; and when an estimated one in five hospitals forbid mothers who’ve already had a C-section from attempting a vaginal birth after caesarean (Vbac). Believing that you can think your way out is a trap, especially when it turns out that you can’t manifest the birth you want – no matter how smart or good at thinking you may be.”

Self-help books and wellness culture celebrate the individual overcoming adversity. It sounds empowering – but you can’t think your way out of a broken system