Cultivated Change

06/12/2024

A lot of my posts over this year have touched on nervous system regulation, survival stress, and traumatic/peri-traumatic experiences that I uncovered.

This was the course I was going through to learn how to regulate my nervous system, complete incomplete survival cycles, and cue into my posture, emotions, facial movements, and all the small yet overwhelming ways my body was telling me where I needed to focus my awareness on.

The first month of this class EXTREMELY triggering in of itself, simply learning how our childhood bodies adapted to the nervous systems and communication of our parents, families, and friends to get our needs met and keep us safe.

Going through this at the same time as therapy (and an embodied intimacy 10 week course) had my body trembling at least half of the week as I opened the floodgates of my stored childhood (which I count till 33) emotions and incomplete survival response systems.

For someone who didn't really know how to express their internal world or say NO, this meant feeling all of that unprocessed anger, grief (like, bottomless pit), frustration, bitterness, confusion, and every other emotion that I suppressed.

This course used Polyvagal theory, which I resonate with far more than just sympathetic/parasympathetic branches of the nervous system and accurately described my yo-yo between dorsal (shut down) and hyper activated via caffeine and stimulants. All to try to feel more alive.

Being in dorsal (think opossum feign for death) or fawning (people pleasing) feels a lot like apathy/depression, which I have been all too familiar with since 18 years old.

The thing I learned most from this course and from Alexandria Kenyon was to FEEL EVERYTHING. All emotions. I have a daily practice before bed where I journal and give my body permission to release and I usually cry for a couple of minutes. Not necessarily from something that happened that day, but from anything I couldn't or didn't process at the present time.

The book Accessing the Healing Power of the Vagus Nerve is remarkably helpful for exercises or just series of rotations to touch or manipulate your nerves to help them come back to neutral if you don't want to go through an entire course...

06/06/2024

I am still untangling my northern NH upbringing around money, survival, and scarcity.

Growing up in a literal Game of Thrones environment where Winter is Always Coming and people start chopping firewood in August bred scarcity into my psyche.

Always hoarding, preparing, and storing resources.

It was unconsciously engrained in me to conserve and never to throw things away, never let anything go. It wasn't until I left to learn how to farm in Hawaii that I was able to start deconstructing that mindset and start letting abundance in, because the environment allowed for it.

Even then, my ability to receive was still tied to my worth, how much I felt like I deserved something. Did I work for it? Did I grow my own food? Did I have sweat equity in it?

It's only really been in the last couple of years through some deep meditative rewiring and energetic training that I have been able to let go and let my charitable side out.

Probably the most impactful thing for cultivating a frequency of abundance was a 21 Day meditation and journaling practice hosted by a business mentor group. It was the first time I had started my day in a frequency of gratitude, abundance, and ease, consistently.

It was also the first time I got to write down and feel some of my core wounds of

unworthiness
deservingness
unlovableness

and pull up memories of my mother reinforcing those core beliefs.

During that 21 days was the most charitable I have ever felt, and I gave lots of money to friends that needed it, and lots of money (more than I had ever received by working) came back to me through a dropshipping enterprise I am a part of.

It was the first time I didn't have to live in survival in my adult life and paired how to heart, body, and mind felt.

It showed me what heart-brain coherence was and started crumbling the "if I don't trade hours for dollars I'll starve"

Every day I still have to be mindful of my language around it, and it certainly didn't shift overnight, but it only takes an awareness shift!

06/06/2024

Thank you to for the introduction to the energetics of money.

I am still untangling my northern NH upbringing around money, survival, and scarcity.

Growing up in a literal Game of Thrones environment where Winter is Always Coming and people start chopping firewood in August bred scarcity into my psyche.

Always hoarding, preparing, and storing resources.

It was unconsciously engrained in me to conserve and never to throw things away, never let anything go. It wasn't until I left to learn how to farm in Hawaii that I was able to start deconstructing that mindset and start letting abundance in, because the environment allowed for it.

Even then, my ability to receive was still tied to my worth, how much I felt like I deserved something. Did I work for it? Did I grow my own food? Did I have sweat equity in it?

It's only really been in the last couple of years through some deep meditative rewiring and energetic training that I have been able to let go and let my charitable side out.

Probably the most impactful thing for cultivating a frequency of abundance was a 21 Day meditation and journaling practice hosted by a business mentor group. It was the first time I had started my day in a frequency of gratitude, abundance, and ease, consistently.

It was also the first time I got to write down and feel some of my core wounds of

unworthiness
deservingness
unlovableness

and pull up memories of my mother reinforcing those core beliefs.

During that 21 days was the most charitable I have ever felt, and I gave lots of money to friends that needed it, and lots of money (more than I had ever received by working) came back to me through a dropshipping enterprise I am a part of.

It was the first time I didn't have to live in survival in my adult life and paired how to heart, body, and mind felt.

It showed me what heart-brain coherence was and started crumbling the "if I don't trade hours for dollars I'll starve"

It awakened me to leverage and to compounding interest of time.

05/30/2024

The community of (at least) 7 beings that comprises the foundation of the masculine soul, arranged as I have come into contact from them in my life, inspired by Robert Bly in Iron John

The Wild Man: The spirit and protector of the natural world. Energizes cultivation of each type and arc of development. Initiates a boy to steal the key from underneath his mother's pillow (separate his energy from his mother's womb) and maintains self-awareness of the psyche for clear sight

The Lover: Passion, connectivity, appreciative consciousnes.Garden work. Eros: delight mixed with danger. Resonance. The track of the moon on the water.

The Magician/Mythologist: Wisdom and Insight - how to move from one stage to another. Deals with invisible energies in the world. If a man's emotional body is crippled in childhood, Magician may survive and develop the intellectual body to ascend and keep sane

The Trickster: Does not go with the flow, but reverses it as soon as he sees what direction it's flowing, so that the larger energy continues to move. Humbles/balances king energy

The King: Order and creation. When present, there is a sacred space free of chaos. Does not create order, where he is, there is order. Blesses + encourages creativity in the realm.

The Grief Man: The road of ashes, descent, and the crumbling, entropic nature of reality. Acceptance of the ugly facts of childhood, disorganization, abuse, abandonment, & lack of protection.

The Warrior: Strength, discipline, boundaries in service to a transcendent purpose - to the True King. Strategy, heat, electric energy, boundaries, adversarial. Informs & allows the body to endure hardship. Often wounded in childhood when parents' needs/emotions overwhelm our own.

Which do you feel like you were gifted with the knowledge of and which do you feel you have had to discover and nurture?

05/25/2024

Protect your hormones and energy. Microplastics (down to 0.5 micron) are not only in thin plastic ware, they are in the water (just check your water filter on your shower sometime. And those are the big ones.

Getting a water filter certified to remove microplastics and 85 other classes of contaminants in the only fullproof and often the cheapest option.

Remember, even glass bottled watet is just someone elses' tap water. Yes, spring water as well. The regulations around spring water are a lot like the regulations around fruit juice.

Message if you need help finding a good filter

Posted • A new study in published in Toxicological Sciences found microplastics are detected in human as well dog testicles. This is just two months after the NEJM reported plastics are found in carotid artery plaque, increasing risk of heart disease and stroke.

It’s time to be really intentional about avoiding exposure to all sources of thin plastic as well as disposable cups! 🙏🏽

05/06/2024

Most people try to modulate neurochemistry with substances, but remember you can do the same with expressive living

Fantastic graphic from Repost from
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"Happiness is not a goal; it's a byproduct." - Eleanor Roosevelt

1. Serotonin: Known as the "feel-good" neurotransmitter, serotonin plays a crucial role in regulating mood, sleep-wake cycle, appetite, and digestion. Low levels have been linked to depression, anxiety, and mood disorders while increasing serotonin levels can promote feelings of happiness, contentment, and relaxation (Harmer et al., 2008).

2. Oxytocin: Often called the "love hormone," oxytocin is released during social bonding activities like hugging, cuddling, or spending time with loved ones. It enhances feelings of trust, empathy, and connection, and has been shown to reduce stress levels, lower blood pressure, and promote overall cardiovascular health (Wudarczyk, 2003).

3. Endorphins: Endorphins are natural painkillers produced by the body in response to stress and pain. They bind to opioid receptors in the brain, blocking pain signals and producing feelings of euphoria and wellbeing. They also contribute to feelings of pleasure and reward, often referred to as the "runner's high" after intense exercise (Boecker et al., 2008).

4. Dopamine: Dopamine is involved in the brain's reward system, contributing to motivation and satisfaction by reinforcing pleasurable behaviors. It helps regulate movement, attention, learning, and emotional responses. Balanced dopamine levels are essential for overall wellbeing, as imbalances have been linked to conditions like depression, addiction, and Parkinson's disease (Schultz, 2002).

05/02/2024

I am quite honestly floored. Omega 6:3 and all other fatty acids results came back after 4 months of off/on supplementation.

I started this back after Thanksgiving after feeling pretty lethargic and feeling myself slip into SAD (seasonal affective disorder). I took an Omega 6:3 ratio and other fatty acid test that comes with the oil to see where my markers were - all in the red. This alone triggered me for about a week, since my diet was seemingly clean for years.

Omega 6:3 ratio plays a massive factor in about all the operations of our cells, as you can see in the slides above. Omega 3s generally  lead to anti-inflammatory pathways, Omega 6s generally lead to an abundance in inflammation pathways - you feel this as a general lack of wanting to be in the body.

Waste transport
Cell Fluidity
Nervous system communication
Nutrient absorption

I kind of gave up on this about a month in because my nervous system and emotional regulation collapsed and the next couple of months were a struggle just to eat and function, and I was definitely not eating the healthiest, eating out plenty, and missing days of drinking the balance oil.

Pretty amazed that it's actually working, changing nothing else. My energy levels are definitely coming back to normal, but I've also my working through nervous system regulation, emotional regulation, and therapy lol

Message me "balance" if you want to check it out (test or oil)

#

04/29/2024

All signs point to the breath. The common deniminator of all my practices

Qi gong
Emotional regulation
Nervous system regulatiom

since my physical body/nervous system collapse has been awareness and breath.

I have had to relearn how to breathe most of this year since I realized that my breath is more commonly than not, up in the top 1/3 of my lungs instead of deep, slow belly breaths.

Since focusing on longggg exhales, I have been able to tell where energy is blocked in my body, where I really can't feel or there is tremendous tightness when I try to circulate my breath (right lat is usually the culprit)

Just from various forms of connective breath, I have been able to unearth more programming and trauma from childhood than I would like to admit.

Some of my favorites are 4-2-6 or 4-7-8 breaths to bring my nervous system back into safety.

But probably the most useful and interesting prgamatic tool I have been taught since I have been encoutering some intense emotions this year that sometimes take me a day to move out from under is quick breathwork playlists that will usually pop up the emotion front and center for me to feel so it can move.

If you haven't read James Nestor's Breathe book, it's got some pretty remarkable findings on nose/mouth breathing and ways to start recalibrating energy levels (and metabolism) with oxygen and CO2

Never knew Co2 acted like a hormone!

Picture taken by .moon.brotherhood back at the retreat in November.

04/18/2024

This list has been INVALUABLE for identifying what my nervous system is processing since the practice of knowing what I am feeling and how to identify it other than sad, confused, or angry is very new.

For someone who grew up with ZERO emotional intelligence, nervous system awareness and regulation, coupled by being raised by all women and who only recently started learning what real boundaries are, this list has been a game changer and somewhat traumatic because....

I fawn most of the time. My nervous system and awareness is hyper sensitive, which can be a gift, but most of the time has showed up in shifting my energy and needs to accomodate others nervous' systems.

If I don't fawn, I usually turn to flight. No masculine dole model meant I tend to shy away from comfrontation and collapse.

It was even a shock to realize this dominated almost all of my communication and that other people's needs have taken up a chunk of my stories, energy, and desires.

The last 6 months have been a burning off, vulnerable collapse, and re-learning what my body is saying in the moment, and slowly rebuilding with doing my best not to over ride it to not please others (always women)

Its been quite the journey learning what feeling is lol.

Repost

04/15/2024

It was my pleasure to talk about all things clean water, filtration, and hydrogen on my friend Erik Olsson's podcast in the fall! Episode is up now

https://youtu.be/2g5j51zelT4?si=F27TY2om9nyWSEW1

Not all water is created equal.

Join me, the Primal Swede, and Alex Corey from Cultivated Change for a deep dive into the world of hydration. We bust myths, share insights on healthy nutrit...

03/07/2024

I'vs been enrolled in somatic nervous system course since my nervous system collapse around Christmas and it has been a TRIP!

It has dramatically altered the way I understand my body and answered the why of "why am I now crying so much"

I'm crying so much because I disrupted 33 years of survival responses (not outside, in the house) and fawned and appeased for most of my childhood to get my needs met, and now am giving my body permission to feel everything and complete survival responses.

Course is loaaaaaded with somatic regulation techniques that are far more subtle than just "shake it out" although that totally works too.

We are just getting into the juicy regulation techniques at the bottom of the beautiful graphic above by and I will be presenting these techniques over video along with data from James Nestor's Breath book.

I am really happy I am now encountering this and still wondering why there is NO NERVOUS SYSTEM REGULATION in any holistic health instructor course.

03/03/2024

If you're just trying to train your body to burn fat as it's primary fuel source, stay below 180-age for your Heart Rate.

Maximum Aerobic Fitness (MAF) as pioneered by Dr Phil Maffetone is featured in all Primal training as well as in the book Breath by James Nestor.

Over the course of training thousands of all types of athletes in the 70s, Maffetone found that fixed or objective aerobic zones were ineffective for preventing injury and burnout, as well as fat utilization and oxidation (burning) during sustained exercise.

"Finding the best heart rate for exercise is easy: subtract your age from 180. The result is the maximum your body can withstand to stay in the aerobic state. Long bouts of training and exercise can happen below this rate but never above it, otherwise the body will risk going to deep into the anaerobic zone for too long. Instead of feeling invigorated and strong after a workout, you'd feel tired, shaky, and nauseated"

Yes, this rate changes based on your fitness level - but it's still an easy way to not exhaust yourself and simplify where you're in the fat utilization zone and can keep going for long periods of time.