08/23/2025
⚠️ Trauma-Informed Reminder
This post may stir strong emotions. Please move at your own pace. Pause if needed. Your safety matters most.
My mother just celebrated a birthday. For her, maybe it was a day of joy. For me, it was a day of grief. Estrangement doesn’t erase the longing for a healthy relationship—
it just acknowledges the reality that the relationship as it is causes harm.
So here’s something I need to say:
If a parent ever tells you, “My child cut me off,” or “They won’t let me see the grandkids,” don’t rush to comfort them with pity. Don’t immediately believe their version of the story. Instead, ask the harder question:
What did you do that made your own child feel safer without you?
Because children don’t walk away for fun. They walk away to survive—after years of trying to explain, after countless tears, after begging to be seen and heard. When nothing changes, when the hurt keeps repeating, distance becomes the only option left.
A child doesn’t cut off a parent unless that parent cut them off emotionally first. We don’t abandon unless we’ve been profoundly abandoned—emotionally, psychologically, sometimes even physically.
That’s the truth most people don’t want to face. It demands accountability. It requires a parent to look inward instead of painting themselves as the victim.
I didn’t walk away because I stopped loving. I walked away because I needed to protect myself. And that’s the heartbreaking reality many of us live with.
