Melissa Faye, Modern Integrative Psychotherapy Yoga & Wellness, Asheville, NC (2026)

02/25/2022

No memes or today. Between the grief of a friend’s passing and the national + world news this week, it doesn’t feel authentic or appropriate (although I do think humor has its place and can be of great service in harder times). I just want to reiterate: it’s really okay if you don’t know what to do right now, or if you aren’t coping with general or specific stress or anxiety in a way that you feel you “should” be. We’ll all be organized a bit differently towards various stress responses; none are necessarily better. Attuning to what is coming up for you without judgment (a practice in itself) will provide vital information for what is needed. This annoying truth will always be one of the most underrated forms of self-care and preservation.

This morning, as I sit just about every morning, I intentionally sat for a tonglen practice. Tonglen is a buddhist meditation practice of “sending and receiving” where we can awaken compassion and expand our narrow view of reality by taking in other’s pain, but beyond that, sending them relief. It’s a practice of compassion, of connecting with suffering — ours and others. While it’s heavy, it’s also light— duality embodied. It’s love and understanding in it’s purest form. To me, it’s an active form of prayer, a way to orient towards hope when hope feels hard.

May we all find our practices that provide softer places to land when the world feels sharp, not as a way to bypass or “transcend” reality or hardship but as way to support sustainably being IN the world and our experiences; that ignite compassion and support general well-being. And, as I often say, may we honor the full range of our experience, this means the difficult parts, sure, but also the good stuff even and especially when things feel hard.

Take good care of you, ok? 🖤

02/24/2022

In one of my recent sessions a client asked me, “are a lot of people you work with feeling a bit hopeless and scared about the future of the world? How do you deal with this?” It’s no secret the past few years particularly have been A LOT. It would’ve been a lot even without the pandemic part. And sure, *part* of what we are experiencing is that we have much more access to news and info with much more frequency which can contribute to a sort of compassion fatigue and overwhelm. AND we don’t have to participate in doomscrolling or be gripped by a constant news cycle to stay engaged.

But it opened up to a conscious conversation about macro issues that people may not necessarily come directly to therapy for but undoubtedly have an impact on well-being. I see the interdependence of the situation, how our health + well-being impacts the way we approach these issues and also how these issues impact our health. The fact that global & systemic issues are being discussed in therapy (and with a lot of my clients, it is) is part of the whole point of “healing” beyond just an intra or interpersonal level— we’re not just doing it for us, we’re doing it for future generations too. Generations of repression in a patriarchal structured society is part of why we’re here. It hurts everyone.

On an individual level, when we do our own work of better understanding ourselves + inevitably learning to be in relationship differently and more compassionately to the difficult parts of our experiences (shame, guilt, trauma, etc.), we are learning to be more in touch with our humanity rather than cutting off from it/suppressing it. That can’t help but have a ripple effect into our relationships & the inner + outer lens through which we see.

We talked about how to stay engaged when it does feel overwhelming and hopeless; the power of small acts + conversations rather than just focusing on the larger outcome which can contribute to a sort of dorsal shutdown overwhelm. A house didn’t always look like a house. At one point it was just a foundation. And then slowly, a little at a time, over time, with the effort of multiple hands and visions, it became what it is. I remain hopeful. 🖤

01/19/2022

If you feel like the "hang in there" cat on the motivational posters holding onto the branch for dear life, this is for you. Can I just have a supremely human moment with you for a sec? No clinical talk or throwing more tools at you. I’m sick of that on here right now anyway. I mostly just want to name something I’m hearing & seeing in my sessions, the world, and experiencing at times myself: of course I’m not the Lorax, I don’t speak for all humans but— many are hitting a wall.

For some, it’s not the first encounter with this wall. Regardless, it’s there, it’s real and sometimes it’s helpful to know we aren’t alone in our experience— we may not be able to see that but I promise you: we’re in good company. Sometimes it helps me to visualize that; I can feel myself soften into my experience even just 5% more and generate a little more compassion for myself and all of us facing this wall separately, but together (bc judging myself and/or others surely ain’t gonna help any of us).

On the list of “other very human reminders that help”:
- breaking things down into smaller steps or chunks. Ex: my laundry over the weekend which included putting the folded clothes in my drawers away, taking a break and then putting my hanging clothes away. Just take the next small step.
- remembering that basic boring self care like getting enough sleep and drinking enough water may not fix my life, the pandemic or systemic issues but it’ll sustain me and that sustenance supports any chance I have to eventually get past the wall, so I better not deny myself those things.
- impermanence. It won’t be this way or feel this way forever. That Buddhist truth will save your life. Many times.
- permission to not have to cope perfectly all the time (yes even and especially you, therapists, parents and helpers). It’s really ok if you watched reality tv instead of doing yoga.
- loving on my people and letting them love on me. Leaning into our support networks. Welcoming the moments of joy, connection and pleasure, especially when things are hard, will never not be some of our most important work.

That’s all my energy and IG caption limits have for ya. What reminders have been helping you? 👇🏼

01/18/2022

Third time’s a charm? So you know it’s going to be GOOD. Jessica of and I originally started planning this retreat in 2019 to happen in 2020 and as we all know, as it often goes, life doesn’t always go according to plan. We’ve adapted with the times and now the time has finally come (well, almost). Now, more than ever, conscious community, restoration and a little sunshine + warmth is needed, not as a way to escape the world (but yes to escaping the cold), but as a way to recalibrate and refill so that we can continue to show up in it. We’re extending this invitation to join us on retreat as two spots have opened up. Message for any further inquiries or details if interested.
☀️
“Come restore your mind, body, nervous system and spirit through yoga, meditation, rest, nourishing meals, and adventure on the Caribbean coast of Costa Rica with us! We will explore the beautiful external landscape of Costa Rica through authentic, nutritious cuisine, a visit to a local volcano, a retreat home base of a five minute walk to pristine beaches at and other optional adventure add-ons while also exploring the internal landscape of the self through twice daily yoga and meditation. No prior yoga or meditation experience is necessary.”

01/12/2022

Yes, we have to experience challenges (both individually & relationally) to grow and discomfort is an inherent part of life but no, we don’t have to torture ourselves or unnecessarily suffer to do so— in fact, this hinders growth. We live in a culture that glorifies a “no pain, no gain” mentality: “sleep is the cousin of death” (seriously, I heard this recently 🙄), “quitters never win”— this all or nothing idea that we have to push ourselves to the point of pain or unhealthy measures to get or be worthy enough for what we want. On the contrary, totally avoiding discomfort also doesn’t serve us.

But ah, that fine line (but big difference) btwn challenging ourselves in a healthy way and where it becomes too much. Not always an easy one to discern, but pretty crucial to be able to do so. I think of it as our “sweet spot” (usually doesn’t feel so sweet tho). Through a trauma-informed polyvagal lens, that sweet spot is essentially the edge of our “window of tolerance”…any further past that edge is counter-intuitive at best & re-traumatizing at worst (depending on the context of the situation). When we feel ourselves coming up against that edge we can *honestly* decipher if it feels uncomfortable but tolerable (this part is key!) and if so, choosing to compassionately experiment with where we may be able to meet and/or stretch it and if that edge is NOT tolerable, then doing what we need to do to compassionately honor that. Tolerable can often feel like the difference between “uncomfortable” and “unsafe”. When we push ourselves past our edge, we are signaling a protective stress or survival response in the body. When we do this chronically, it can lead to being in a dominant survival state (sympathetic or dorsal vagal). Growth can’t happen here + isn’t ideal for day to day living, contributing to all sorts of distressing symptoms. If we think we need to torture or push ourselves to the point of suffering to feel good enough or exhaust ourselves trying to make something work, that belief is absolutely worth exploring.

Sometimes the most courageous thing we can do is honor our self-respective (mental/physical/energetic) edges, even if it means “quitting” or resting.

01/07/2022

Appropriate general Q for everyone right now. When I tell you I referenced this gorgeous scene from in a therapy session the other day to discuss nervous system education (and what happens when we’re pushing past our capacity or operating outside our window of tolerance for way too long) and then a totally separate client sent me this picture…we love when trauma informed mental healthcare and pop culture intersect!

Happy — it’s been content heavy on the humor this week because my own nervous system (and I think many of ours) has needed that playful energy. Go watch the new season of Q***r Eye on Netflix if you haven’t yet. The trauma informed care, warmth and empathy displayed in each episode is good for the soul + is sure to unclog some tear ducts. ❤️

01/04/2022

A little humor + reminder that the best tweet of all time exists as we ease back into the post holiday shuffle. If you feel like 2022 is getting off to a rocky start, I hope you can find some lighthearted moments to be reminded of your own + the world’s goodness (even if it’s in the form of funny stuff on the internet). 🤍

12/28/2021

A Venn diagram of the kind of energy I’m taking into 2022…and of course I invite you to join me. The transition from one year to the next is a popular time to engage in self-reflection and set intentions, but truthfully this is something we can do *any* time of year. Having a particular stamp in time (like New Years) just may make it feel a bit more tangible. I know many of us are wanting to tread a bit cautiously into 2022 given how the past two years have gone and that’s fair (which is why I think we all need a little bit of that “f**k around and find out” energy to show 2022), but we can still take the time to pause and reflect on the challenges, learnings (and unlearnings) of the year, and discerning what’s worth releasing our grip on (whether it be certain beliefs, behaviors, relationships, etc), and what’s worth bringing with us forward to the best of our ability. Some prompts to consider in your year-end reflection should you choose to engage:

⭐️What were some of my greatest challenges of the year?
⭐️What am I learning (or unlearning) from said challenges?
⭐️How did the challenges of this year show me who I really am?
⭐️What can I give myself permission to start (or continue, as nothing is perfectly linear anyway 😉) to release or leave behind in 2021?
⭐️What do I feel good about from this past year? What can I take with me forward into 2022?

*I saw a version of this Venn diagram last year and it had no tag, so if anyone knows who to credit, let me know (as I always think credit where it’s due and acknowledgment is important)!

12/20/2021

Allowing some hope to carry me through the end of the year. The helpers and the healers are on my mind and heart, this week especially as we head into the holidays, a time we generally take off a little extra, but some may be finding it hard to do so. I hope you can welcome rest in the ways it makes sense for you. I’ll be less present here through the end of the year as I find my own ways to do so. Take such good care of you. ❤️

12/13/2021

This time of year always feels a little nostalgic and contemplative for me and I can’t help but find myself reflecting on the changes, the challenges and the constants the last yearly rotation has offered as I gaze back to memories of holidays past. The changes and the challenges are some I’ve made it through, many I’m still navigating, and all of which have felt de-stabilizing at certain times before it’s felt okay again (that’s usually how change goes if you’re living it). But more than that, the constants have provided a stability that catches me regardless of the shaky ground of any change, challenge or adjustment— these constants are some of my most valuable “resources”, if you will. Nature will always be one. But of these constants, I recognize many faces (both human and animal 😉), and with those faces something much greater: a reciprocal energy that lets me know I am held and supported, and that it’s okay to be exactly who I am and where I am, even when it’s messy. So I started my morning yesterday taking the time to write a note of thanks to some of these constants who don’t live nearby and as I started writing, I couldn’t help but think of more of the people in my life (near, far, & some I’ve never even met in real life) who have also represented this for me in some way, especially over the past year. It created a ripple effect of gratitude that expanded into so many different areas of my life, a felt sense experience I could notice and follow. And while no, I can’t write that many expressions of thanks because my hand will get tired (y’all know), I can allow myself to notice it, feel it, and express it the best I can.

So if you’re reading this, take a moment to consider what/who some of your “constants” are. Sense into what you notice when you think of them (sensations, images, feelings, thoughts). And if you want to take it a little further, let them know— some of us prefer to express it with words, but there are so many ways to express love, care, and thanks. Also, congrats on the neural exercise you just engaged by doing that! And If you’re reading this, thanks for being a part of my life or tiny corner of the internet in any way you are. 🤍

12/09/2021

No, therapy is not just about focusing on the past (but it can sometimes be about understanding the impact or role certain experiences and relationships have had). It’s also about focusing on the fact that as adults we now hold the ability to build awareness and create agency in our own lives to shift patterns, beliefs, responses, and inevitably symptoms that are no longer working for us.

One of our brain’s main functions is to keep us safe and before we are even consciously aware of it, we have neural circuits searching for cues of safety or danger in our environment via neuroception. If we have experienced trauma or chronic stress, then a neuroception of danger may be triggered more often (even when threats aren’t present). But knowing that our evolutionary biology and responses have the ability to be reshaped and that our past doesn’t define us is just a reminder of our inherent resilience. It takes effort and intention, like anything, but we are worth shifting from subconscious living, from disconnect, defensiveness or fear to conscious living and connection. The goal isn’t to constantly be in state of peace, calm and total regulation— that isn’t realistic if we inhabit a human nervous system, but rather to be able to shift with more flexibility between states. Again, I can think of almost nothing more inherently resilient than our own neurobiology. Two things we may not have had then, but we can have now: awareness and agency. 🤍

11/29/2021

I’m pretty inconsistent when it comes to listening to podcasts. It’s mostly done when I find myself needing some companionship on a walk, bike or drive. On Thanksgiving as I walked down to the water for some movement, fresh air and reflection, I invited in the companionship of Pico Iyer and Elizabeth Gilbert’s gorgeous and poetic conversation in “The Future of Hope” series on — there were so many moments of resonance, reminders of goodness and nuggets of wisdom to contemplate that I found myself reading the transcript mornings later. I now find myself sharing one of the many nuggets that stood out to me and I know to be true in my own life when it comes to working with our own tools for transformation and navigating our own complex humanity (and one you hear many therapists/coaches/teachers preaching and practicing to an almost hilarious level: self-compassion). I love what’s offered in the above quote. What would it be like to view ourselves in such a way, of shifting our awareness of self to one of receiving and care — that we were given this particular body, this mind, this being, no matter how imperfect or the difficulties it gives us at times, to look after during our time down here in Earth School?

The above is part of Liz Gilbert’s response to the question, “I’m sure so many people, your readers, your friends on Facebook, your friends across the globe, have turned to you during this very difficult period and asked you, “Liz, what should I do? How can you help? What’s the best way of living through this moment?” And I wonder if you could tell us what you’ve been saying to them.”

The past almost two years have been hard for everyone in some way. Go gently. 🤍

Melissa Faye, Modern Integrative Psychotherapy Yoga & Wellness

02/25/2022

02/24/2022

01/19/2022

01/18/2022

01/12/2022

01/07/2022

01/04/2022

12/28/2021

12/20/2021

12/13/2021

12/09/2021

11/29/2021

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