06/01/2018
You are not alone!
You see me use this hashtag often. For years I’ve struggled with so many fears. We all have them. My main fear as an only child, was a fear of being alone.
One day, my biggest fear had come to face me when I learned that both of my parents were stricken with Stage 4 Cancer. I was recently recovered from a very messy divorce and was a single Mom raising a 5 year old alone. At the age of 39, I was faced in a moment of time when both of my parents were in the hospital fighting for their lives – each on separate floors with separate needs, in a City hours away from my home, with no family or friends to rely on. There were decisions to be made and no one else to fall back on other than God.
There was a specific moment when I remember running out of my father’s hospital room – literally running away because I had no idea how I could care for his medical needs. I was never intended for the medical field. I would faint at the sight of blood, how could I care for his tracheostomy? Right before I ran out, the nurses were trying to explain to me his care procedures and it was like an episode of Charlie Brown in school listening to his teacher talk – whah, whah, whah….whah whah. My Father begun to cough up blood and I literally panicked and ran. Running away I remember telling myself there is no way I can care for either one of them. GOD HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? I ran into the Hospital Chapel and I literally collapsed on the floor in tears. I was backed into a corner and I had no one else to turn to. I began to half yell and half pray to God.
No one followed me into the Chapel – because no one was there for me. It was just me…just God and me. I silenced myself and just sat there. I didn’t know what to pray, so I just listened. I allowed God to listen to my silence and I awaited silently for his solution. I remember feeling a sense of calmness and peace that came over my heart. God showed me my Tone. Like a Robot, I walked out of the Chapel and back to my Father’s hospital room. The Nurse started over with me – and like a trained medical student, I listened and understood my Father’s care needs, and his blood no longer affected me.
That day and into the following months, God demonstrated to me over and over again – that I am never alone, and I can do all things through him. He strengthened me that day in the hospital and continued to give me strength for another 13 months caring, watching both of my parents die, planning their funerals and becoming a sole family survivor.
There have been so many blessings that resulted after their deaths – because I had faith, believed, behaved and became.
I am living proof that God will NEVER leave you alone.
When working through my recovery of myself – God inspired me to write down every single fear that I had on my whiteboard. I stood back and stared at it and realized there was too much for me to face alone and then a vision had hit me. Like David & Goliath – Faith was my sword and God could slay my fears. Thus was born.
I have used the hashtag in my moments of weakness. It reminds me that I am never alone. God has always got my back. I am living proof that he does. I am not special – we all have the same opportunity as Children of God, all you have to do is ask!
In our moments of struggle…that’s when God can show us how amazing he truly is.
The truth of this world – struggles are a guarantee – thanks to the Dark Angel. Each of us are unique. Unique in our struggles and unique in a purpose of why we are here.
I hope this inspires you to become your own version of a . Allow God into your own mess and allow him to turn it into your own unique message. I’ve allowed my deepest struggles to become my movement to become my best version of me through Jesus Christ.
My light shines bright for all of you to see. We are NEVER ALONE!
