05/10/2025
Borrowed: Not everyone will read this but my friends that are in the business of taking care of our elderly population you might find this interesting. 😊
At a certain age, we all start to notice people sprinkling “elderspeak” into their conversations with us.
👉At the grocery store: “Hey sweetie, let me help you find that.”
👉On a customer service call: “I see we need help with the silly remote control.”
👉In a caregiving setting: “It’s time for your pills, isn’t it dear?”
This softening of language usually comes from good intentions, but to most older ears, it grates — or produces a worse, more damaging reaction. That’s why I was thrilled to see Paula Span write about elderspeak in a recent New York Times piece (https://lnkd.in/eXt9Zvvs).
Elderspeak infantilizes older adults, sending the message that they’ve lost their capabilities and competencies. It’s ultimately demeaning and dehumanizing.
Paula’s article focuses on elderspeak in caregiving. But this phenomenon is not limited to assisted living, memory care or home care settings. Nor is it limited to conversations about health and physical or mental challenges.
I have encountered an infuriating type of elderspeak when touring some senior living buildings. A resident approaches, and the executive director will introduce them in the past tense:
“This is Mr. Jones. He used to have a job at the Pentagon.”
Or:
“This is Mrs. Smith. She had a long career as an artist.”
I respond by turning to the resident and asking questions like:
👉“What are you doing today?”
👉“What do you love about living here?”
👉“What's the thing that most excites you about your days here?”
And at the end of the tour, I'll turn to the executive director and say, “Do you realize what you just did? You talked about that person — in front of them — in the past tense. It’s like saying that the real person has left, and all that’s left here is their shell.”
Beyond the immediate discouraging or demoralizing impact of elderspeak, it also contributes to internalized ageism — a belief that if others think you are less of a person because of your age, they might just be right.
As Yale professor Becca Levy has written, elderspeak “begins a negative downward spiral for older adults who react with decreased self-esteem, depression and withdrawal.”
These reactions have a proven effect on how long and how well we live.
As I said, elderspeak often comes from good intentions, as the speaker tries to show care and compassion for an older adult.
But there’s a difference between showing care and compassion and treating someone as if they are no longer an adult. It’s an important difference.
Elderspeak strips away an older adult’s sense of independent self-worth and agency. It ignores a basic fact: When you’re talking to an older adult, there’s a real person there. And no matter their age or condition, they want to be treated like a real person.
This link will take you to a page that’s not on LinkedIn
