08/17/2022
Hey guys! Iβm moving this week, and I just found out that I won't be set up for quite a while.
During the interim, if you need to get in touch with me, please DM me and Iβll get back to you as soon as I can. Iβll be thinking of you all! π€©π
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08/15/2022
Do you ever feel confused about the next step to take? That's AWESOME. But why?
"Confusion is a symptom of three things:
1. The fear of trusting yourself
2. The lack of clarity about the road ahead.
3. New momentum in your life that was self-initiated.
If youβre not moving forward, you are in your comfort zone & wonβt be confused.
So, if youβre confused, what does this mean?
It means you have decided to change your life (#3 above), & there is new forward momentum!
However, moving forward means you're looking ahead into an unknown cloud of foggy uncertainty...because none of us know whatβs next.
And, that would be fine, but you probably donβt have a long history of trusting yourself.
HUH?
Hereβs the thing.
Your intuition has always been there. Always.
Itβs just that the fear voice has been louder. And youβve followed that fear voice before.
When you follow that fear voice, not your intuitionβ¦wellβ¦things just donβt work out.
So, you probably have a history of things not working out.
And thus, you may be assuming that if you try something *again*, that it wonβt work out.
Youβd be rightβ¦if you followed your fear voice.
But, thatβs not what youβre going to do this time, is it?
This timeβ¦you are going to follow your still, smallβ¦intuitive voice." β Mastin Kipp
How? Check back for the steps!
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Know someone I could help? Share this w/them! Iβm accepting new clients!
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08/13/2022
Even a voluntary commitment can feel a lot like prison; degrading, damaging, & terrifying. For those who are unfamiliar, Iβm hoping the following can shed some light on the experience.
During my stay, I came into contact with an elderly man whose plight absolutely broke my heart. He spent all day, every day, wheeling himself around the hospital, looking for an unlocked door through which he could escape. It was devastating to watch him continuously go to the effort only to realize his fate was sealed.
Given the duration of his residency, I had to assume this poor man didnβt have any family. Of course, Iβll never know for sure, because for the entire length of my stay, the staff didnβt allow him a single phone call. I would listen to him beg for hours on end, just to have his rights denied by the cold & unfeeling orderlies. Iβm aware I donβt have all of the facts, but to me, the whole thing felt highly illegalβ¦ &, if not illegal, certainly immoral.
The staff kept him so doped up he could barely communicate, & even still, his despair was severe enough that he was placed on a persistent su***de watch. I wanted to help, but selfishly, I feared if I got involved with this particular patient, I too would end up permanently committed. In his sorrow, he would regularly gnaw at his wrist, using his teeth to tear at the veins in an effort to end his life. He spent what could have very well been his last days isolated, covered in blood, & steeped in pain.
Unfortunately, this is just one of many examples. Being forced to witness such tragedies on an ongoing basis did a real number on my psyche. I might not have been psychotic when I entered, but I most definitely left that way.
TBCβ¦
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Know someone I could help? Share this with them! Iβm accepting new clients!
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08/10/2022
A couple of weeks ago, I discussed how essential it is to have a plan for your life, as well as the risks associated with allowing other people to make major decisions on your behalf. An equally dangerous habit is the failure to imagine the possible long-term implications of your choices.
A commonly heard AA saying is, βPlay the story through to the end.β Unfortunately, this is something that I believe many of us fail to execute, and the consequences can be disastrous.
Altering the way we make big decisions can be intimidating, but learning to take ownership has the capacity to dramatically and immediately improve our lives.
***Check back for the simple step-by-step method π
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08/08/2022
Pt. 2 of 2 - The kind of unconditional love that Will Smith talks about has a lot to do with listening.
You canβt love unless you know how to listen.
Both actions β listening and loving β require you to do the same thing: take a step back, control your ego, and be patient.
Will believes that love can be spelled as L.U.V.:
L for listening;
U for understanding;
V for validation (not Vendetta).
In order to love, one has to be a good listener. He has to understand what the person is trying to say. And he has to validate his understanding through affirmative words.
This kind of deep, caring interaction creates an environment in which love can flourish.
Ultimately, Love Is About Help.
Will Smith deeply believes that weβre all flawed β weβre all going through some struggle β and we all need help to get through it.
This is why love exists in the first place. Itβs an escape, an exit route for humans.
Love is about helping each other grow, become people we want to become, and support each other in the way we need to be supported.
Link to full article:
https://medium.com/publishous/what-i-learned-about-love-from-will-smith-4f29917a7ab5
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08/06/2022
Hey guys! I'm packing up for a big move at the moment, but I'll be back next Saturday 8/13 for Part 18!
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08/03/2022
"Everyone has an angel. A guardian who watches over us. We canβt know what form theyβll take. One day, an old man. Next day, a little girl. But donβt let appearances fool you. They can be as fierce as any dragon. Yet theyβre not here to fight our battles but to whisper from our heart, reminding us that itβs us. Itβs every one of us who holds the power over the worlds we create.
We can deny our angels exist, convince ourselves they canβt be real. But they show up anyway. At strange places. And at strange times. They can speak through any character we can imagine. Theyβll shout through demons if they have to, daring us, challenging us to fight.
And finally, this question: The mystery of whose story it will be. Of who draws the curtain. Who is it that chooses our steps in the dance? Who drives us mad, lashes us with whips and crowns us with victory when we survive the impossible? Who is it that does all these things? Who honors those we love with the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us and at the same time sings that we will never die?
Who teaches us whatβs real and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what weβll die to defend? Who chains us? And who holds the key that can set us free?
Itβs you.
You have all the weapons you need.
Now Fight."
β Zack Snyder, Sucker Punch (2011) π₯π₯π₯
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08/01/2022
Instead of viewing love as transactional, Will Smith proposes that we think about love in the same way a gardener thinks about their flowers.
The gardener wants the flower to become what it wants to become. What it was designed for, not what the gardener wants it to be.
How many overbearing parents want their kids to be βspecialβ to be proud of them? These parents impose their wants and needs on their kids without thinking about whether they want to achieve anything at all.
Yet, the gardener doesnβt care whether the flower becomes red, yellow, tall, small, or when (or if) it blooms.
The gardener accepts everything about his flower. He is patient. He waits and observes with care, attention, and wonder at what has become of the little seed the flower once was.
Link to full article: https://medium.com/publishous/what-i-learned-about-love-from-will-smith-4f29917a7ab5
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07/30/2022
My blood began to boil as Micah continued to relay his story of abuse & intolerance. Despite my inability to speak up for myself, Iβve always been willing to take the hit for someone in need. I began asking around, & within a couple of days I was able to track down information on our patient advocate. This was a great resource, but we recognized in order to make a real difference, we would require more support.
It took some doing, but I was eventually able to find a phone book in hopes that Micah could enlist the help of a lawyer. I was moved soon after, so I don't have all of the details, but the dots definitely make for an interesting picture. In our last interaction, Micah burst into the dayroom, grinning from ear to ear. Apparently, one of the best law firms in town had agreed to take on his case pro bono. This alone was very exciting, but what really makes the narrative intriguing is what I uncovered down the road.
A few months after being released, I was once again sober & back in the AA program. I reached my 9th step, & was urged to call the hospital & make amends. When I called, I found their phone line was no longer operational, & after doing a little digging, I was shocked to discover the entire place had been shut down permanently. I was immediately filled with a sense of both astonishment & pride. After years spent feeling worthless, I knew I had finally helped create positive change in the worldβ¦& for the cherry on top, Dr. X had been displaced.
TBC
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07/27/2022
Itβs important to live in the moment, but if you donβt also plan for the future, youβll likely find yourself empty, broken, & filled with regret. When youβre missing a long-term strategy for your life, youβll inevitably end up conforming to someone elseβs blueprint. A design whose aim is to fulfill the needs, wants, & desires not for you, but for the position you hold in THEIR life.
Many people have the bad habit of attempting to dictate the lives of others. But at the end of the day, no one understands whatβs best for you, much less what will make you happy or give you a sense of purpose. Iβve had a lot of regrets in my life, but many of the most painful ones came about because I put too much credence in the plans others had for my life & not enough faith in my own inner voice & intuition.
As a result of my low self-esteem, I erroneously believed everyone but me had superior insight into the path I should pursue. As I got older, I began to see how completely irrational this line of reasoning was. I began to wonder why I was following people who always seemed to be driving the bus off the cliff.
So then the question became, "Do I learn to trust myself, or do I continue being guided by society & loved ones with an agenda?" I had an epiphany & the answer became painfully clear. I finally understood regardless of who influenced the decision, I was ultimately the one forced to live with the consequences.
Your life is yours & yours alone. Make your decisions wisely.
Need help setting boundaries? Reach out for your free consultation today π₯π₯π₯
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07/25/2022
If youβre struggling to make an important decision and are at a loss for which path to choose, Gretchen Rubin suggests picking the option that will provide you with βthe bigger life.β
In episode 27 of the Happier podcast, an example was presented of an individual who was trying to determine whether or not to get a dog. For one person, adopting a puppy would create bonding experiences and help strengthen family ties, thus resulting in the bigger life. But for someone whose greatest aspiration is to see the world, giving up the duty of caring for a dog would be the best way to expand their universe.
Link to full transcript and podcast episode (Happier with Gretchen Rubin):
https://gretchenrubin.com/podcast-episode/podcast-27-choose-the-bigger-life-identify-your-tell-and-i-reveal-whether-ill-get-a-dog/
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07/23/2022
After being informed that I had suffered a stroke but was left with no deficits, I thanked my lucky stars and did my best to move on. Later that day, as I was standing in the dayroom with a few of the other patients, I started to feel very strange. Suddenly, everything went black. I tried calling for help, but was barely able to mumble βnurseβ before collapsing. I fell to the concrete floor, once again striking my head quite forcefully.
In light of my second stroke diagnosis, the staff determined it was necessary to allow me to undergo testing at the hospital. As terrifying as it all was, the thought that I might be able to finally leave that hellhole made me ecstatic. Unfortunately, when I arrived in the ER, I learned how wrong I had been in believing that my release was imminent.
In spite of my vehement objections, I was sent back to the mental health facility after the tests were concluded. I believe itβs worth mentioning that years later, when I visited the Mayo Clinic for unrelated health issues, their neurologist told me that I had been misdiagnosed. When I mentioned that the staff had combined an antihistamine with obvious alcohol withdrawal, I was told outright that they were morons. She explained that the combination had caused a dangerous drop in blood pressure, which was why I passed out.
When I returned to the facility against my will, the patients and I formed a bond over the various injustices we had each endured. The story of a young kid by the name of βMicahβ stood out above the rest. As he described it, he had been subjected to racial discrimination, abuse, and harassment by the staff. While I may have been too weak to defend myself, I would rather die than knowingly allow anyone else to suffer in the ways I had. Had the hospital foreseen the hell we were about to unleash upon them, I guarantee they would have treated him better.
TBCβ¦
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07/20/2022
Weβve all felt the pain of finding ourselves in an argument saying things that we donβt mean and will later regret. Weβve also all experienced the opposite, feeling like a coward for all of the things we didnβt say. In both scenarios, itβs not uncommon for the result to be hours, or even days, spent kicking ourselves and fantasizing about what we wish we wouldβve said. Now imagine if instead of being reactionary, you had taken a pause and put a pin in the conversation. Would the outcome be any different? The answer is a resounding βyes.β
When weβre faced with sufficient stress, we experience what is referred to as an amygdala hijack. This occurs when control of our thoughts and actions, usually governed by the frontal lobes where reasoning takes place, is transferred to the amygdala, the region of the brain responsible for our automatic survival responses like fight/flight/freeze.
The amygdala hijack may be involuntary, but itβs still possible to reestablish normal brain processes by taking certain steps:
1. Calm your sympathetic nervous system
a. Remove yourself from the situation.
b. Clear your mind as best you can.
c. Take several slow, deep breaths to calm your body (diaphragmatic breathing is highly effective in combating the fight/flight/freeze response).
d. Use EFT (tapping), meditation, or any other technique you find soothing.
e. Repeat until your mind and body are significantly relaxed.
2. Reactivate the frontal lobes
a. Continue taking slow, deep breaths.
b. Jumpstart the reasoning centers of the brain
β’ Analyze the situation that triggered the hijack.
β’ Run through possible solutions.
β’ Evaluate potential outcomes and possible pitfalls for each.
From here, you can return to the conversation, and hopefully, a healthy resolution.
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07/18/2022
According to a recent study published in Experimental Psychology, researchers found smiling β even a fake smile β can have a positive impact on mood. Essentially, triggering certain facial muscles by smiling can βtrickβ your brain into thinking youβre happy.
βWhen your muscles say youβre happy, youβre more likely to see the world around you in a positive way,β Fernando Marmolejo-Ramos, study author and human and artificial cognition expert at the University of South Australia, said in a press release.
To conduct the study, researchers asked 120 participants (55 males and 65 females) to smile by holding a pen between their teeth, which forced their facial muscles to replicate the movement of a smile.
They found that facial muscular activity not only altered oneβs facial expression but also generated more positive emotions.
Marmolejo-Ramos said the muscle movements of a smile stimulate the amygdala β the part of your brain that allows you to feel emotions β by releasing neurotransmitters βto encourage an emotionally positive state.β
βFor mental health, this has interesting implications. If we can trick the brain into perceiving stimuli as βhappy,β then we can potentially use this mechanism to help boost mental health.β
Link to full article: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cnbc.com/amp/2020/08/21/simple-trick-that-can-make-you-happier-according-to-research.html?espv=1
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07/16/2022
As a result of the issues I explained last week (part 14), when I returned to the hospital I refused to admit the extent of my drinking. I knew Dr. X didnβt like me, & I didnβt want to give him any more ammunition. As a result of this denial, however, no detox meds were administered. He & the staff were all aware I was in severe alcohol withdrawal, but because I wouldnβt admit to anything, they chose to just let me suffer. To this day, that decision still blows my mind because itβs a known fact alcohol withdrawal can cause seizures & death.
Despite them not prescribing anything for my detox or insomnia, they eventually grew tired of my complaining & gave me an antihistamine for my anxiety. When they told me they were putting me on Vistaril, I hoped it would help, but I certainly didnβt expect it to. My persistent anxiety had become so severe that the majority of the doctors I had seen considered it to be untreatable. Because of this, I didnβt have very high hopes for the proposed solution, but the end result was something I never couldβve predicted.
Shortly after taking my first dose of Vistaril, I woke up on the concrete floor. I was surrounded by staff & patients, & had no recollection of how I had gotten there. I questioned what had happened, & a nurse informed me I had suffered a stroke. I had been worried before, but now I was panicked. I was terrified they were going to let me die out of spite, & I felt an urgent need to escape the locked ward. For obvious reasons, being held against my will is one of my biggest fears. Despite the fact I had committed myself voluntarily, once those doors close behind you, Dr. X says when you leave.
To be continuedβ¦
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07/13/2022
Overthinking has plagued me my entire life. Maybe itβs my ADHD, maybe itβs a trauma response; all I really know is that no matter what I tried, I could never quiet my mind enough. Once I realized I couldnβt satisfactorily silence the noise, I decided to turn the annoyance into an advantage.
Utilizing my knowledge of brain plasticity, I went to work! First, I changed the way I viewed pondering life, then I patiently began training my brain to think differently. Although it takes time to βreprogramβ your brain, itβs well worth the effort. Scheduling βContemplation Time,β a technique wherein you review the day, is a great place to begin.
What I like about this tool is that it gradually shifts thinking away from the subconscious and into a more cognitive state. I find that itβs also a great way to develop your confidence and learn to identify when healthy processing becomes true, destructive overthinking.
I like to do my contemplation time at night, but the specific time of day isnβt nearly as important as consistency. In addition to being consistent, the primary objective is to be tactical. In order to keep yourself from becoming discouraged, itβs vital to make a game plan ahead of time. Using a predetermined list of review questions is an effective way to do this.
Ex:
β’ What went well?
β’ What areas need improvement?
β’ Are there any situations that warrant immediate action?
--- If so, what are the possible options for a successful resolution?
β’ Did I stay true to myself and my goals?
β’ What did I learn?
β’ Are there additional skills that could be required for my long-term success?
β’ And most importantly - What am I grateful for? (Fear and depression rarely coexist with genuine gratitude)
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