08/05/2022
A man calls Bobs boat shop To buy a boat...
CALLER: Is this bobs boat shop?
GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Boat shop.
CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Bobs boat shop last month.
CALLER: OK. I would like to buy a boat.
GOOGLE: Do you want the same as last year, sir?
CALLER: I would like to buy the same boat but this years model? You know me?
GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last year you ordered wake surf boat with extra water ballast
CALLER: Super! That’s what I want again
GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you get a pontoon because you have suffered from knee surgery and shoulder displacement so need to take it easy,
CALLER: What? I don’t want a Pontoon
GOOGLE: Your knee is not good, sir.
CALLER: How do you know that?
GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records and we are concerned.
CALLER: Okay, but I do not want a pontoon.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not done your proper therapy as giving from your doctor and did not take your proper medications from your local pharmacy.
CALLER: I bought from another Pharmacy.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
CALLER: I paid in cash.
GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
CALLER: I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
CALLER: WHAT THE !!!
GOOGLE: I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...