09/18/2024
Late summer friend and family photo dump for the gram!
I’m slogging my way through my BSW internship, set to graduate in December! I’m in the process of applying to grad school to get a MSW, and moving through all the feels about it. Mostly, it’s recognizing that I’ve been engaged in social work already in my community in some fashion for the last decade, and paying a lot of money for a piece of paper to deem me “officially qualified” in this work evokes a lot of feelings. But I don’t want to be pigeonholed in the worlds of massage and yoga for the rest of my life, and this degree will give me lots of career flexibility and (hopefully) a solid retirement plan in terms of (re)opening my own private practice and offering therapy and consultation to individuals, groups, and organizations with a WIDE range of tools and approaches.
I’m entering an era in my life where I’m more focused on my own trajectory than anyone else’s, and that’s new for me. For much of my adult life, I’ve been seeking a feeling of belonging, in terms of lovers, friends, and chosen family. I’ve been wanting to heal that feeling I’ve had from childhood of not belonging, not being seen, not being heard, not being recognized, and not being cared for. And I’ve largely tried to earn that recognition and care from others, rather than recognizing that I’m worthy of it without trying to labor for it and “earn” it from the people in my life.
I finally figured out that no one else can create that feeling for me. I can’t “earn” belonging. I must belong to myself, first and foremost. And ultimately give myself that sense of recognition and witnessing that I crave. It’s a lonely realization, but a necessary one, for sure. Yay for growth!
