01/01/2022
This past year has been filled with so much growth. Last year I set a silent intention to let go of the baggage from trauma, guilt, shame, and grief that was weighing me down. I had spent so much time and effort to process these experiences and do the work to overcome them, but when it came time to letting go, I couldn’t. I felt paralyzed. I didn’t know who I was behind all of these emotions.
The these feelings and experiences had been with me for what felt like my whole life. Who would I be if I let it go? What if I didn’t like the person I would become without it? Not knowing the answer to these questions kept me stagnant in my healing journey. At the end of 2020 I knew I couldn’t hold on any more. I knew that I deserved more from myself. So I made the scary commitment to let it all go.
During 2021, I had 2 massive healing periods. The first of which started with the new year. I spent the first few days curled up in bed listening to a song that ripped my mind, body, and spirit open absolutely sobbing. All of the hurt, pain, and grief I had accumulated was spilling out. When I finally emerged from my cocoon of release I felt so much lighter and knew that while I didn’t have the answers to the questions above, that I was in control and would figure it out on the way. Letting go the most free I had felt in years and gave me the courage I needed for my next step.
The second healing period happened just before the holidays and while I’m not ready to share that experience just yet, I will say it was another massive layer of letting go. I was able to peel away the limiting beliefs of decisions that were made for me and replace those beliefs with what I wanted instead. This release brought my voice back to me. I have always been a people pleaser, appeasing others at the expense of my own peace. Since this healing, I’ve been able to stand up for myself in ways that I only ever dreamed about. I’m advocating for myself from a place of strength now, rather than panic and I know that I am finally becoming the person I was always meant to be.
I have found my authentic self and I am so excited to get to know her.