07/07/2019
We don’t have control over writing our life story when we’re dependent on too many things. Without realizing it, the dependencies start to write life for us. The word ‘dependence' has a French origin meaning, ‘addiction' – which is a great lens to view dependencies we consistently lean into for support.
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For the last few years, I’ve been trying to identify all my macro and micro dependencies. Coffee was definitely one. Still is. I was dependent on validation from the opposite s*x at least every few days, drinking a couple times per week, having peanut butter before bed every night, & many more. It’s not like I HAD to have these things but they became such a consistent part of my life that if I didn’t scratch the itch, it negatively affected my overall wellbeing. To me, that wasn’t authentic independence. I was being pulled in different directions based on my addictions — and those addictions had simply developed, I didn’t mindfully design them.
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Addictions / dependencies are part of being human. It’s a natural response for our brains to take the path of least resistance and dependencies provide us with consistency. The future can be a little less scary & require less energy when we have consistencies to lean into.
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Gaining independence isn’t about about freeing yourself from addictions but mindfully designing them. Just as you should choose your struggles, you should design your dependencies. After I identified my old ones, I set out to reprogram them with better ones. My peanut butter addiction before bed was replaced with magnesium & cbd. Whenever I started to feel the pang of needing validation, I did something selfless — which actually worked better. I’m also dependent on going to a daily yoga class, spending time in nature every day, getting alone time, listening to music that evokes creativity, & giving myself 30 minutes every day to just think. If I don’t do these things, it affects my overall wellbeing. So I crave them. I still have addictions, they’re just making me better.
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