Find My Person Coaching

Find My Person Coaching Self-Awareness | Relationship Coach

03/03/2026

Never feel guilty for leaving a person who isn’t meeting your needs.

Always look out for yourself first, so you’re able to give to others in the healthiest way.

My baseline for dating people is coming close to: only investing in people who are actively in therapy or have made significant progress there in the past…

Everyone is dealing with something and without self-awareness, unnecessary/irrational conflicts seem inevitable.

Rationally look out for yourself to a reasonable extent… have someone in your life, who is also self-aware, to talk you through these things.


03/02/2026

It’s absolutely normal to feel anger after a breakup or discard…

You can push through this stage of grief fairly quickly, depending on your perspective.

I’ve found that radical forgiveness and understanding is a pretty effective method…

And that’s not to say that it’s necessary to forgive the person (especially when abuse or assault is involved), but I think that understanding how people become evil, is a helpful navigational tool.

We also tend to blame or stay angry at ourselves for our actions or decisions, and that also keeps us stuck.

Forgiving and understanding yourself is equally important to move into acceptance.


02/28/2026

This is a glimpse of what my healing journey as a fearful-avoidant looks/looked like…

I’m a full believer that healing trauma involves more than just pointing it out or being aware of its presence.

I also think that I’m a bit of an anomaly as far as most avoidants ever getting to this point.

Introspection and taking accountability for your wounds involves acknowledging that you’re the problem to an extent.

If your defense mechanisms prevent you from taking the next step toward healing, then you stop at the awareness stage…

If you can find the courage and capacity to push through, it’s difficult but wildly rewarding.


02/27/2026

Infidelity shouldn’t be downplayed, and secure individuals don’t cheat on their partners… meaning it has a lot to do with them, not you.

Remaining friends after infidelity is a surefire way to get stuck in the grieving process.

It’s also a selfish way for your ex to keep you in their life, while at a distance.

If that’s something that will have no effect on your emotional wellbeing, then by all means do what you want…

But again, it probably isn’t the best look for your future partners who you’re intentionally dating.


02/26/2026

Boundaries aren’t meant to control or change your partner in any way…

They’re meant to protect you from abusive or unhealthy dynamics.

It should never be, “if you don’t do ABC, then I’m going to punish you by doing XYZ”…

Protecting yourself doesn’t involve forcing someone else to do anything.

It involves leaving the situation or dynamic when it stops serving you.


02/25/2026

Avoidants will usually give irrational reasons for ending things if they don’t understand themselves.

If they aren’t fluent in the language of their nervous system, they’re just reacting to life.

When you’re on autopilot in that way, you just keep failing and don’t know why.

The answer, is to build self-awareness and understand where those reactions are originating.

It’s usually in your previous experiences that come to the surface in the form of fears and insecurities.

Healing through those prior wounds is the only way to rewire your nervous system and find enough confidence in yourself to sustain healthy relationships.


02/23/2026

According to the Mayo Clinic, these are the symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder…

Symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder and how severe they are can vary. People with the disorder can:

* Have an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and require constant, excessive admiration.
* Feel that they deserve privileges and special treatment.
* Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements.
* Make achievements and talents seem bigger than they are.
* Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate.
* Believe they are superior to others and can only spend time with or be understood by equally special people.
* Be critical of and look down on people they feel are not important.
* Expect special favors and expect other people to do what they want without questioning them.
* Take advantage of others to get what they want.
* Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others.
* Be envious of others and believe others envy them.
* Behave in an arrogant way, brag a lot and come across as conceited.
* Insist on having the best of everything — for instance, the best car or office.

At the same time, people with narcissistic personality disorder have trouble handling anything they view as criticism. They can:

* Become impatient or angry when they don’t receive special recognition or treatment.
* Have major problems interacting with others and easily feel slighted.
* React with rage or contempt and try to belittle other people to make themselves appear superior.
* Have difficulty managing their emotions and behavior.
* Experience major problems dealing with stress and adapting to change.
* Withdraw from or avoid situations in which they might fail.
* Feel depressed and moody because they fall short of perfection.
* Have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, humiliation and fear of being exposed as a failure.


02/21/2026

For the 100th time, Attachment Theory is overgeneralized…

It does a decent job of categorizing people into boxes and explaining patterns, but it doesn’t really account for anomalies.

Some avoidants can’t commit to a third date, others stay in the same marriage for their entire lives.

It’s more about the depths of their trauma, their coping mechanisms, the relationship dynamic, and their partner.

You can make things work with anyone if you meet their needs…

But their needs could very well be distance for days or weeks at a time or sleeping with people outside of the relationship.

You should be most interested in your own needs and you should walk away from people who can’t meet them.


02/20/2026

When people say “just go to therapy” or “stop dating people”, they’re incredibly misinformed on how fearful-avoidants think…

Confronting horrific memories is against anyone’s nature… and when FAs don’t think that it’ll help or that it even impacts them, what’s the point?

If their relationships fail, and they blame their partner, then logically the next one will be more successful.

It takes deep introspection and accountability and knowledge to change for the better, and that goes for anyone.

Also, I’m not your sh***y ex who treated you however they did, so save the hate please 🙏🏼


02/19/2026

Let me know what I missed in the comments 🤙🏼

This is my list for what to look out for:

1. Their actions meet their words.
2. Little things don’t stress them out and they control their emotions.
3. They don’t bash their exes, barring extremely abusive behavior.
4. They put effort into dating you, but not too much.
5. They’re not afraid to be vulnerable with you.
6. They have long-term, stable friendships and family relationships.


02/18/2026

Avoidants like to keep tabs on their exes… it’s usually evidence that they haven’t processed the breakup fully.

I highly recommend removing/muting them if it’s interfering with your grieving process.

As far as moving forward, you have to take the time to process everything yourself… which takes patience and compassion on your part.

You have to rewire any negative beliefs that you developed from this past relationship and acknowledge that your ex’s actions are theirs alone…

Heal first, so that your next partner doesn’t have to unfairly inherit the damage that your ex did.


02/17/2026

Happiness is a state of mind that comes and goes, and is always available in the future.

The route toward breaking codependent behaviors is finding contentment in your life and in yourself, first.

That contentment might only be attained once you lower your expectations of others to a reasonable standard and start raising your own.


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