Mindfulness With Monti

10/17/2024

How to avoid marrying your future ex-husband.

Oops! That graphic should say, How to avoid marrying your FUTURE ex-husband.

My informal research suggests you consider these six factors that may lead women to make foolish choices.

1. TIMING: We’re most prone to fall mindlessly in love at difficult emotional junctures—on the heels of a breakup, divorce, or death of a family member important loss, for example.

2. STEAMY STARTS: The rush of romance and sexual attraction can act like a drug, and blur our capacity for clear thinking. When we get obsessed with a guy we confuse intensity with intimacy. In fact, intensity blocks us from taking an objective look at our partner, ourselves, and the relationship.

4. IDEALIZATION: We’re convinced he’s so brilliant and special, that we put him above us. An idealized view leads us to undervalue our own gifts and ignore red flags. We’ll make excuses for traits, qualities and behaviors that matter because he’s so special.

5. DESPERATION AND FEAR: Your two best friends just got married, you’re about to turn forty, and someone reminds you that your biological clock is ticking. Fear has never helped anybody make good choices. It leads to clinging when we should be walking.

6. LACK OF SELF-FOCUS: You’re looking for someone to fill up your empty bucket, give you some kind of direction, or provide meaning in your life. Poor choices happen when we’re not putting our primary energy into having our own life plan and figuring out how to live our own life (not someone else’s) as well as possible.

DO’S AND DON’TS: Slow things down and get to know him as well as possible. Don’t insulate your relationship with him from other important relationships, even if he says he wants to spend time only with you. You won’t really know him if you don’t make sure to observe him among both your friends and family and his. Keep your primary focus on your own goals and life plan, which will put you on firmest footing whatever happens with a particular relationship. Don’t silence your voice or avoid conflict in order to preserve relationship harmony.

AND NEVER FORGET THAT THERE ARE MANY POSSIBILITIES FOR INTIMACY AND CONNECTION OTHER THAN PAIRING UP.

10/12/2024

I am not very active here and wish I was. But I will share with you this touching poem that I read to a client before their ketamine session today. Hope this touches you.

LULLABY FOR THE SEEKER

Rest, weary one.
Lay your head down.
You have travelled far.

I have no clever words for you.
No system to teach.
No image to maintain.

You'll find no philosophy here.
No answers to your many questions.

I offer only presence.
Sanctuary.
A bed. A meal.
A small kindness to repay yours.

I am no better than you.

My guru is life.
My lineage is love.

I do not separate
the enlightened from the unenlightened.

I teach nothing I do not live.
I quote not from books
but from the cracks in the heart.
I see your fragility
yet I see your immense power.

You are not broken.
Don't let them tell you
that you are broken.

We met long ago
when dust settled to form worlds.
I think I saw your courage then.

Close your eyes;
I will keep watch tonight.

- Jeff Foster

06/10/2024

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/JkCHeDqoE6vKMVG5/

06/06/2024

I don't really understand these objections and neither do the pioneers in this field. The psychedelic community is at a loss and perplexed. This could have helped so many people. I hope there is a path forward.

Scientific advisors vote overwhelmingly that the risks of M**A treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder outweigh the benefits.

04/16/2024

A very important read. Perimenopause and menopause health is such an important issue and there is still so much misinformation. Please share this with anyone you know who might find this info helpful.

Menopause is gaining attention in media and government, including the White House, but a recent series in The Lancet misses the mark for women.

03/15/2024

Read the description. So important.

What is our anger telling us?

*Our anger may be a message that we are being hurt, that our rights are being violated, that our needs are not being adequately met, or simply that something is not right.

*Our anger may tell us that we are not addressing an important emotional issue in our lives, or that too much of our self--our beliefs, values, desires, or ambitions--is being compromised in a relationship.

*Our anger may be a signal that we are doing more and giving more than we can comfortably do or give.

*Or our anger may tell us that others are doing too much for us, at the expense of our own competence and growth.

Just as physical pain tells us to take our hand off the hot stove, the pain of our anger may preserve the very dignity and integrity of our self.

02/20/2024

This is a very important distinction.

02/12/2024

I have been having these conversations with clients and my own doctors and therapist. So important for women going through this stage of life to be aware of so we can advocate for ourselves!

02/08/2024

This one has been hitting all my clients where they need it lately. And I personally need the reminder as well. Such wonderful advice from a brilliant woman and psychotherapist.

11/19/2023

If you are a therapist, come join us at the next happy hour! I truly love the conversations that we have!