Family Matters Counseling & Assessment Services

09/16/2025

09/14/2025

Stand in love. If this is an upsetting concept, you are not in the right place. I am deeply flawed and certainly imperfect in living my personal beliefs, but I will die on this hill. Always. Be well. ♥️ ~ Nanea

09/13/2025

Most people don’t realize this: your emotions are not the problem—it’s the way you handle them that determines your peace or suffering. When you avoid, suppress, or react impulsively, emotions take control of you. But when you learn to process them mindfully, they become your teachers.

Here’s a simple but life-changing practice:

1️⃣ Pause – Stop running. Take a moment to simply acknowledge, “I am feeling something right now.” Awareness is the first step to healing.

2️⃣ Name It – Identify the emotion. Is it anger? Sadness? Fear? Joy? Naming your feeling takes away half its power. It shifts you from being overwhelmed to being observant.

3️⃣ Feel It – Don’t judge or suppress it. Sit with the emotion. Let it exist without resistance. Remember, what you resist, persists. What you accept, transforms.

4️⃣ Ask Why – Gently explore: “What triggered this? Why does it matter to me?” This step turns pain into insight and helps you understand yourself better.

5️⃣ Release – Breathe deeply. Write it down. Speak it out. Cry if you must. Releasing is not weakness—it’s cleansing. It’s giving your soul permission to breathe again.

6️⃣ Shift – Once released, redirect your energy toward something constructive or calming—walk in nature, meditate, paint, read, or help someone. This step turns wounds into wisdom.

✨ Remember: Emotions are not enemies. They are signals. They are waves passing through you. You are the sky, vast and unshaken. Don’t drown in the storm—learn to let the storm pass.

💭 Master your emotions, and you master your peace.

09/07/2025

In the beginning, our children need us to hold them steady — to be the arms that carry, the presence that protects, the safe place that doesn’t move when everything else feels uncertain.

But as they grow, what they need shifts.

They don’t need us to shield them from every wave. They need us to show them how to navigate. To step back just enough so they can feel their own strength, while knowing we’re still close enough to turn to.

That’s the quiet evolution of parenthood: we don’t stop being their home. We stop being the walls that hold them in, and start becoming the light that helps them find their way back.

Because home isn’t a place they outgrow. It’s a presence they carry — one that steadies them when they’re small, and guides them when they’re grown.

We don’t raise them to need us forever. We raise them to move through life knowing we are with them, even when we’re not beside them. ❤️

Quote Credit: ❣️

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09/06/2025

I heard something today that felt like someone quietly rearranged the furniture in my soul.

Gabor Maté, in a conversation with Mel Robbins on her podcast, said:
“No two children grow up in the same home. Even with the same parents.”

And he’s right.
By the time each child is born, the people raising them have already changed.
A father may be softer now, or more guarded.
A mother may be freer, or more worn.
The marriage may be blooming… or quietly cracking.
Money might be scarce, or finally enough to breathe.

And then there’s *us*—the children.
We come with different hearts, different fears, different ways of hearing the same words.
One child feels loved in the quiet; another feels abandoned in it.
One thrives under structure; another wilts.
The same hug, the same house, the same parents—yet completely different worlds.

It made me think about the stories we carry.
How we assume we all lived the same childhood because we shared a roof.
But we didn’t.

We were each raised by a different version of our parents… a version shaped by time, by trials, by joy, by fatigue.

And maybe part of growing up - truly growing up - is making peace with this.
To forgive the versions of our parents who couldn’t give more.
To honor the versions who somehow gave anyway.
And to understand that the love was real, even when it looked nothing alike.

Because you see, love isn’t static.
It’s a living thing, it's changing, faltering and blooming; just like the people who give it.

Here’s my video reflection and excerpts of the interview: https://youtube.com/shorts/l3NUPuoX5AM

09/05/2025

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ACCOUNTABILITY IS VERY DIFFICULT FOR AVOIDANTS.

This is not just a matter of stubbornness or unwillingness—it comes from a very deep and painful place within them. At the root of it lies a core wound of shame, something that was often formed early in life through experiences of neglect, rejection, criticism, or conditional love. For the avoidant, taking accountability is not simply about admitting they made a mistake; it feels like shining a spotlight on their most fragile wound, confirming their fear that they are defective, unlovable, or deeply flawed.

Because of this, accountability is emotionally threatening. Instead of facing the discomfort of their own shame, they build defense mechanisms to protect themselves. These defenses show up in the form of denial, minimization, deflection, and blame-shifting. Gaslighting often becomes a tool, whether intentional or not, because it allows them to rewrite the narrative: if you are wrong, then they don’t have to be. If everything is your fault, then they can maintain the illusion that they are in control, competent, and free from blame.

This pattern protects the avoidant from emotional collapse, but it creates a cycle of pain for the people around them. You may find yourself constantly walking on eggshells, doubting your own perception of reality, or questioning whether your feelings are valid. The avoidant’s refusal to self-reflect means that meaningful repair rarely happens, leaving their partners, friends, or family members feeling unseen, unheard, and invalidated.

It’s important to understand that while their behavior comes from a place of self-protection, it doesn’t excuse the harm it causes. Their inability to take accountability keeps them stuck in their shame, but it also traps others in confusion and frustration. Until they are willing to face their inner wounds, practice vulnerability, and accept responsibility, the cycle will continue. True healing for both the avoidant and those around them can only begin when accountability is embraced, no matter how difficult it feels.

08/30/2025

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