Emotional Roadmap to Emotional Health, 2431 Nowata Place, Bartlesville, OK (2025)

11/25/2025

When Disappointing Others Matters More Than Honoring Yourself

Untangling the Quiet Fear That Keeps You Betraying Your Own Needs

By Jenn Hutcherson, Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach

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The Moment You Realize the Math Doesn’t Add Up

Notice how you’re more afraid of disappointing others than you are of betraying yourself.

Sit with that for a second.

That math only works if, somewhere along the way, you were taught — directly or silently — that your needs don’t matter as much as someone else’s.
Or worse… that honoring yourself is “selfish.”

Most women don’t choose this pattern.
We inherit it.
We learn it.
We adapt to it as a form of survival long before we ever recognize it as self-abandonment.

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Where This Fear Starts

You don’t wake up one morning afraid of upsetting people.
You grow into it.

Maybe you were praised for being “easy,” “flexible,” or “helpful.”
Maybe conflict in your home meant chaos, silence, punishment, or emotional distance.
Maybe love felt conditional — something you earned by being agreeable, responsible, or low-maintenance.

So you learned to prioritize harmony over honesty.
Peace over truth.
Their comfort over your own needs.

It’s not weakness.
It’s programming.

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The Cost of Betraying Yourself

Self-betrayal is rarely loud.
It’s subtle.
Quiet.
Almost socially acceptable.

It looks like:

• Saying yes when your whole body whispers no
• Apologizing when you aren’t wrong
• Shrinking your needs to avoid being “too much”
• Staying quiet because speaking up feels unsafe
• Carrying emotional weight that was never yours to hold

And here’s the heartbreaking part:

Every time you betray yourself, you reinforce the lie that your needs are less important.
That your peace is negotiable.
That your worth is determined by how little space you take up.

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Why Disappointing Others Feels So Dangerous

Disappointing people hits a part of the nervous system that remembers what losing connection once felt like — unsafe.

For many women:

• Disappointment once meant emotional withdrawal
• Setting a boundary led to guilt or punishment
• Saying no triggered anger, conflict, or manipulation

So your body learned a simple formula:

Keep them comfortable → Stay safe
Keep them happy → Keep the peace

But here’s the truth no one teaches us:

Disappointment won’t break a healthy relationship.
Self-betrayal will.

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Relearning What Your Needs Are Worth

Healing begins the moment you pause long enough to ask:

What about me?
What do I need?
What am I feeling?
What is this costing me?

Your needs aren’t an inconvenience.
They’re information.
They’re signals.
They’re part of being a whole, emotionally healthy human.

When you start honoring them, even in small ways, your nervous system slowly learns a new story:

I’m allowed to take up space.
I’m allowed to have needs.
I’m allowed to protect my peace.

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Letting People Down Isn’t the End — It’s the Beginning of You

Disappointing someone might feel uncomfortable…
but it’s survivable.

Betraying yourself might feel easier…
but it’s soul-draining.

You don’t have to swing to the other extreme.
You don’t have to bulldoze your way into bold boundaries overnight.

You just begin with one honest moment.
One truth spoken gently.
One act of self-loyalty.

Over time, those small choices turn into a woman who no longer disappears to keep the peace — because she’s learned to belong to herself first.

⸻

🤍
Jenn Hutcherson
Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life

I offer free consultations so you can ask questions, get a feel for my approach, and see if I’m the right fit for your journey.
📞 918.214.8109
📧 ahutchbetterlife@aol.com
🌐 ahutchbetterlife.com

11/24/2025

The Moment You Stop Leaving Yourself

Healing from Self-Abandonment in Relationships

By Jenn Hutcherson, Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life

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When “Keeping the Peace” Starts to Cost You You

There’s a quiet moment most women can point to if they slow down long enough.

It’s the moment you feel that familiar tug in your chest — the one that says, “This doesn’t feel right,” or “I really don’t want to do this.”

And then, almost without thinking, you override it.

You say yes when everything in you is whispering no.
You smile when you actually feel hurt.
You stay quiet when your heart is begging you to speak.

That’s self-abandonment.

It’s the moment you leave yourself in order to keep the peace, avoid conflict, stay chosen, or protect someone else’s comfort at the expense of your own. And for many of us, it started long before we had language for it — it started as survival.

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The Subtle Ways We Learn to Leave Ourselves

Self-abandonment doesn’t usually begin with big, dramatic choices. It starts in small, everyday moments where we learn that who we are or what we need feels “too much,” “too sensitive,” or somehow “in the way.”

You might have learned to abandon yourself when:

• You were told you were “too emotional” or “too sensitive,” so you stopped showing how you really felt.
• You watched someone become angry, cold, or withdrawn when you had a need — so your nervous system decided it was safer to stop needing.
• You were praised for being “so strong,” “so helpful,” or “so low-maintenance,” and you quietly absorbed the message that you are lovable when you don’t take up space.

So you adapted.

You became easy.
You became accommodating.
You became the one who held it together, who smoothed it over, who took the hit so others wouldn’t have to.

And the hardest part?
People loved you for it.

They loved the version of you who never rocked the boat.
They loved the version of you who stayed quiet, stayed useful, stayed small.

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Why Choosing Yourself Feels So Scary

If you’ve spent years abandoning yourself to maintain connection, it makes perfect sense that choosing yourself now feels terrifying.

Your body still remembers what it cost you to speak up, to need, to disappoint someone. There’s a very old story running in the background that says:

• “If I set a boundary, I’ll be left.”
• “If I say how I really feel, I’ll be punished, mocked, or dismissed.”
• “If I stop over-giving, they’ll stop loving me.”

Of course you hesitate.
Of course you second-guess.
Of course your chest tightens when you try to choose yourself.

That fear isn’t a sign you’re doing something wrong.
It’s a sign you’re doing something new.

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The Truth Your Old Patterns Never Taught You

Here’s what healing begins to reveal:

Choosing yourself isn’t selfish — it’s honest.
Setting boundaries isn’t hurtful — it’s healthy.
Having needs doesn’t make you a burden — it makes you human.

You are not responsible for protecting others from their own discomfort.
You are not required to shrink so someone else feels bigger.
You are not here to carry emotional weight that doesn’t belong to you.

You were never meant to lose yourself in order to be loved.

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When You Finally Choose Yourself

The moment you stop abandoning yourself is the moment everything begins to shift.

Not because life suddenly gets easier — but because you stop getting smaller.

You stop negotiating away your needs.
You stop silencing your voice to keep the peace.
You stop carrying the weight of everyone else’s comfort while ignoring your own.

And from that place, you begin to build a life that feels honest, grounded, and aligned with who you truly are — not who you learned to be in order to survive.

If this resonates with you, please hear me:
You don’t have to untangle these patterns on your own. You don’t have to guess your way through the healing process. And you don’t have to choose between connection and self-respect — you’re allowed to have both.

If you’re ready for support, clarity, and a safe place to land while you learn how to stay true to yourself again, I’d be honored to walk alongside you.

🤍 ~Jenn
The journey of life was never meant to be walked alone.

To schedule a free consultation:
📞 918.214.8109
📧 ahutchbetterlife@aol.com
🌐 ahutchbetterlife.com

In-person sessions available in Bartlesville, or virtual for clients anywhere.

11/23/2025

Honoring the Parts of You That Helped You Survive

By Jenn Hutcherson, Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach

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When We Shame the Parts of Us That Protected Us

It’s easy to look back on the hardest seasons of our lives and feel embarrassed, frustrated, or even ashamed of the ways we responded.
Those old versions of us — the ones who froze, shrank, stayed quiet, over-explained, or tried to keep the peace — can feel like failures when we view them through today’s lens of safety and growth.

But they weren’t failures.
They were protectors.

You know the parts I’m talking about:
• The part that shrunk when the people around you didn’t feel safe.
• The part that appeased because you knew the situation would escalate if you didn’t.
• The part that controlled information because vulnerability felt like it would cost you your dignity.

These weren’t weaknesses.
These were survival strategies — intelligent responses that helped you get through what you were living in.

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Why We Judge Ourselves So Harshly

Many women tell me, “I wish I had stood up for myself,” or “I should’ve been stronger, more independent, more confident.”

But here’s the reality:

You’re judging yourself now with access to:
• safety
• healing
• healthier relationships
• experience
• tools
• perspective

All things you did not have back then.

You’re using the wisdom of today to critique the version of you who was just trying to survive. And that creates shame that never belonged to you.

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How Shame Keeps Us Stuck

Some of those old protective patterns may still show up in your present-day life — shrinking, appeasing, controlling, avoiding conflict, or struggling to be vulnerable.

When they do, your inner critic loves to chime in:
• “You should be past this.”
• “Why can’t you be more assertive?”
• “You’re failing again.”

And instead of pausing to understand yourself, you swallow those accusations like truth and wear them as shame.

But those patterns didn’t come from weakness.
They came from survival.

Your body learned what it needed to do to stay safe.

That deserves compassion — not criticism.

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What If You Responded With Gentleness Instead?

What if, instead of tearing yourself down, you said:

“Thank you for trying to protect me.”

What if you honored the part of you that carried the fear, made the quick decisions, anticipated the danger, and kept you afloat when things were overwhelming?

You can learn new patterns.
You can grow into confidence and assertiveness.
You can build courage and resilience.

But you don’t have to do it by shaming the parts of you that helped you survive.

You can build new responses with patience, gentleness, and understanding.

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Healing Begins With Accepting All Parts of You

If you know there are behaviors you want to work on — and you’ve been shaming yourself instead of understanding yourself — you are not alone, and you’re not broken.

With the right tools and strategies, you can:

• develop deeper self-awareness
• understand your protective patterns
• regulate your nervous system
• respond instead of react
• step into confidence without self-judgment
• release the shame that has kept you stuck

You don’t have to reject the parts of you that once kept you safe.
You can learn to thank them — and then gently teach your body a new way forward.

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If You’re Ready to Begin This Work, I’m Here

Healing doesn’t require harshness.
It requires honesty, compassion, and the willingness to let go of shame that was never yours in the first place.

If this resonates — if you’re tired of beating yourself up for the way you once survived — I’d love to walk with you as you begin honoring the whole of who you are.

🤍
Jenn Hutcherson
Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life
📞 918.214.8109
📧 ahutchbetterlife@aol.com
🌐 ahutchbetterlife.com

11/22/2025

When Speaking Your Feelings Starts a Fight: A Sign Your Relationship Isn’t Emotionally Safe

And Why You Deserve Better Than Defensiveness and Deflection

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Emotional Safety: The Foundation of a Healthy Relationship

A safe and secure relationship gives you room to voice how you feel without being met with defensiveness, accusations, or an argument. When sharing your heart consistently turns into conflict, it’s time to get curious and ask a deeper question:

Where is the disconnect in this relationship?

Because defensiveness, deflection, and blame-shifting aren’t normal or healthy responses to your emotions — they’re warning signs.

When every attempt to share how you feel is met with pushback, you eventually learn that your partner is not a safe emotional place. And over time, you begin to silence yourself to keep the peace.

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What Happens When Your Feelings Are Never Heard

I spent two decades trying to communicate my feelings to someone who had no interest in understanding me. I poured out emotional energy trying to explain, defend, and protect my heart — only to be met with arguments, accusations, or minimization.

It took years to accept the truth:
I was never going to be heard. I was never going to be validated.

People with toxic patterns have no interest in accountability. They flip the script. They use deflection, manipulation, and intimidation to prove why they aren’t wrong — and why you are the problem for bringing it up in the first place.

Sound familiar?

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If This Hits Home, Please Don’t Spend Decades in That Cycle

If your heart is whispering, “This is me…” please hear me gently:

You don’t have to stay in that dynamic.
You don’t have to lose yourself trying to be heard.

There are tools.
There are strategies.
And there is a path back to peace and self-worth.

You may feel disconnected from the person you used to be. Your confidence may feel bruised. Your spirit may feel tired.
But you can absolutely regain your footing — and rebuild a life where emotional safety is the standard, not the exception.

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If You Need Support, I’m Here

If any of this resonates, you don’t have to navigate it alone.
If I can help you, please reach out.

🤍 ~Jenn

Jenn Hutcherson, ACC-ICF
Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life

I work with women who struggle with anxiety, low self-worth, and the emotional toll of painful relationships.
Learn more at ahutchbetterlife.com

📍 In-person sessions in Bartlesville
💻 Virtual sessions available
📞 918.214.8109
📧 ahutchbetterlife@aol.com

11/21/2025

When Narcissists Ruin the Holidays: Understanding the Pattern and Protecting Your Peace

By Jenn Hutcherson, Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach

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When the Holidays Bring More Anxiety Than Joy

If you are involved in a relationship with someone who has strong narcissistic tendencies, you might already feel your anxiety rising as Thanksgiving creeps closer.

I remember that feeling all too well.

When I was married to a man with narcissistic traits, the holiday season — which had always been my favorite time of year — came with an undercurrent of dread. I’d feel excited, then immediately worry about what would set him off. I walked on eggshells. I tried to do everything “just right.” And eventually, I even tried to contain or hide my own joy, terrified that my picture of the holidays would be ruined on purpose.

It’s a terrible way to live… but it’s also incredibly common for those connected to narcissists.

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Why Narcissists Disrupt Holidays

Let’s just call it what it is:

Narcissists don’t like the holidays because the holidays aren’t about them.

When the focus naturally shifts to family, gratitude, connection, and celebration, they often feel:
• a loss of control
• a loss of significance
• a loss of emotional “supply”

And yes — they will create drama to pull the attention back to themselves, even if it’s negative attention.

If you’re unfamiliar with the term narcissistic supply, look it up — or reach out and I’ll walk you through it. It’s foundational to understanding these patterns.

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Holidays Require Empathy — and Narcissists Avoid Vulnerability

The holiday atmosphere naturally brings out warmth, empathy, and emotional presence.
A narcissist doesn’t know how to hold any of those things.

They tend to be:
• emotionally shallow
• self-protective
• terrified of vulnerability

So instead of leaning into connection, they stir up chaos as a way to distance themselves from anything that feels emotionally exposing.

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Connection Highlights Their Shame and Insecurity

Family gatherings and holiday celebrations are built around togetherness.
But connection is something a narcissist doesn’t engage in — at least not in a healthy, reciprocal way.

These moments highlight things they desperately try to hide:
• shame
• insecurity
• comparison
• the fear of being exposed

That inner discomfort often comes out as:
• rage
• passive-aggressive jabs
• full-blown sabotage
• dramatic mood swings

The tantrum becomes their way of regaining emotional control.

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Chaos Is Their Most Reliable Tool

By the time the holidays roll around, many of us have learned to expect the chaos.
We anticipate it.
We brace ourselves.
We wonder: What fire am I going to have to put out this year?

And that emotional exhaustion — the constant hypervigilance — wears on your nervous system more than anyone realizes.

I still remember the Christmas when he staged one of the biggest drama scenes I’d ever witnessed simply because he didn’t get to choose the restaurant. Our group picked a buffet for lunch, which apparently was unacceptable. Suddenly I was:
• uncaring
• disrespectful
• disloyal

All because I didn’t magically know he had strong opinions about where we ate that day.

You cannot make irrational behavior make rational sense.
And I learned that the hard way.

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After 23 Years, I Learned the Hardest Truth

For years, I tried every communication style imaginable. I twisted myself into knots trying to find the “right” approach — the one that would finally make things peaceful.

It never came.

After 23 years in that cycle, I learned this truth for my life:

Sometimes the only communication style that works with a narcissist is no communication at all.

That is not everyone’s path, but it was mine.
And now, as a coach, I walk beside clients who are either navigating narcissists or healing from the scars left behind. The destruction doesn’t end when the relationship ends — and the healing is a journey, not a moment.

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If This Resonates, You’re Not Alone

No matter where you are in your story — still in the relationship, trying to set boundaries, or rebuilding your life after leaving — if any part of this blog feels familiar, please know this:

You deserve peace. You deserve safety. You deserve a holiday season that doesn’t revolve around someone else’s chaos.

If you’re ready to understand this dynamic more deeply, explore your options, or simply not walk this season alone, let’s work together.

🤍
Jenn Hutcherson
Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life
📞 918.214.8109
📧 ahutchbetterlife@aol.com
🌐 ahutchbetterlife.com

11/20/2025

When the Holidays Don’t Feel So Happy: Navigating Thanksgiving With Boundaries, Not Guilt

🤍
By Jenn Hutcherson, Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life

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The Truth Beneath the Turkey

Thanksgiving is only a week away, and for many people it’s a season full of family, food, and fun.

But there’s another layer — one we don’t talk about enough.

Not everyone is excited about sitting across the table from toxic family members. Some of us are already bracing for the same passive-aggressive comments, the intrusive questions, or the guilt that gets scooped onto our emotional plate right alongside the mashed potatoes and stuffing.

You know the script.
You know the roles.
And you know the aftermath — going home not just full of food, but full of resentment, anger, and self-criticism as you quietly ask yourself:

“Why do I keep putting myself through this every year?”

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What If This Year Looked Different?

Here’s the truth I want you to carry into this holiday season:

You are not powerless anymore.

What if this year, you showed up with boundaries?

What if you:
• Set a time limit for how long you choose to stay
• Handled passive-aggressive remarks with a clear, grounded sentence like:
“I won’t be manipulated by your behavior, and I see things differently than you do.”
• Walked into that house not as the child who once tried to appease everyone, but as the empowered adult you’ve worked hard to become

Imagine attending family gatherings with a whole new posture — one that protects your peace, honors your healing, and refuses to shrink just to make others comfortable.

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The Holiday Trigger No One Mentions

For many of us, the holidays stir up old emotional landscapes.

We forget that we’re no longer the child who had to keep the peace.
We forget that we have choices now.
We forget that we can decide who gets access to our heart and who doesn’t.

You are allowed to:
• Leave early
• Say no
• Opt out entirely
• Protect your energy
• Refuse conversations that wound you
• Stop giving certain family members the privilege of speaking into your life

This isn’t disrespect.
This is adulthood.
This is healing.
This is reclaiming your power.

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Why Boundaries Feel So Hard

Boundaries aren’t hard because they’re complicated — they’re hard because they clash with old emotional conditioning.

You might worry:
• “What if someone’s feelings get hurt?”
• “What if they’re disappointed in me?”
• “What if I look like the difficult one?”
• “What if I feel guilty afterward?”

And here’s the big one:

“What if I’m doing something wrong by not tolerating toxic behavior anymore?”

You’re not doing anything wrong.
You are growing.
You are healing.
And you are choosing yourself — maybe for the first time in your life.

⸻

You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone

If you already know the holidays may be difficult, please reach out.

These tools sound simple — but they’re some of the hardest things to implement when you’ve spent years navigating guilt, fear, people-pleasing, or emotional responsibility that never belonged to you.

We can walk through it together.
We can sort through the emotions that got tangled up over the years.
We can build a holiday plan that supports your wellbeing, not your old wounds.

You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through another season.

The journey of life was never meant to be walked alone — let’s walk together. 🤍

⸻

Jenn Hutcherson
Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life
📍 Bartlesville, OK
📞 918.214.8109
📧 ahutchbetterlife@aol.com
🌐 ahutchbetterlife.com

11/19/2025

When Words Leave Wounds: How Emotional & Verbal Abuse Shape the Brain — and the Healing It Takes to Find Yourself Again

🤍
By Jenn Hutcherson, Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life

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When the Hurt Isn’t Visible — But the Impact Runs Deep

There are wounds that bleed.
And then there are wounds that echo.

Emotional and verbal abuse doesn’t leave bruises you can point to,
but it absolutely changes you.

It changes the way you think, the way you view yourself,
and the way your nervous system responds to the world around you.
Sometimes it even changes the way you love — or allow yourself to be loved.

And here’s the part we don’t talk about enough:

Emotional and verbal abuse can literally reshape the brain.
Not because you’re weak —
but because you survived.

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How the Brain Adapts to Emotional Harm

The brain is designed to keep you alive.
It will reorganize itself in whatever way gives you the highest chance of safety —
even if that “safety” is a dysfunctional, chaotic environment.

1. The Nervous System Moves Into Survival Mode

When someone is criticized, belittled, dismissed, or yelled at repeatedly,
the brain learns to live on high alert.

That looks like:
• Hypervigilance
• Walking on eggshells
• Anxiety
• Difficulty relaxing
• A constant fear of “doing something wrong”

Your nervous system stays ready for the next attack…
even long after the person is gone.

2. The Brain Starts Believing the Lies

Repeated emotional abuse becomes internalized as “truth.”

You start hearing their voice as your own:
• “I’m too much.”
• “I can’t ever get it right.”
• “Everything is my fault.”
• “I need to be easy to love.”
• “If I say the wrong thing, they’ll be mad.”

The brain’s wiring adjusts itself to match the environment it lived in.

3. Memory and Concentration Are Affected

Survival mode shifts blood flow away from the thinking brain and into the survival centers.

This is why emotional abuse survivors often struggle with:
• Forgetfulness
• Feeling foggy
• Difficulty making decisions
• Overthinking
• Spinning in circles instead of moving forward

You weren’t “crazy.”
Your brain was busy trying to protect you.

4. Your Sense of Identity Becomes Blurry

When someone chips away at your worth long enough,
you begin to lose sight of who you are outside of their opinions.

You become who you needed to be to keep the peace.
You shape-shifted for survival.

And somewhere inside that,
you disappeared.

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The Quiet Grief of Losing Yourself

One of the hardest parts of emotional abuse is the grief that comes later —
grieving the version of you that never got to exist
because you were so busy trying to survive someone else’s brokenness.

You may find yourself asking:
• “Why didn’t I see it sooner?”
• “Why did I stay so long?”
• “Why did I lose myself?”

But let me tell you something from the deepest place of truth:

You didn’t lose yourself.
You protected yourself.
And now you’re finding your way back home.

⸻

Healing: The Brave Work of Rewiring Your Brain

Healing after emotional and verbal abuse isn’t just emotional work —
it is neurological work.

You are literally teaching your brain
that it is safe now.
Loved now.
Free now.

Here’s what that healing journey can look like:

⸻

1. Reconnecting With Your Own Voice

For years, your nervous system listened for danger.
It listened for tone, mood, footsteps, silence.

Now it’s learning to listen to you.

Healing means learning to hear your own:
• needs
• desires
• boundaries
• values
• intuition

It’s a gentle reclaiming.
One truth at a time.

⸻

2. Challenging the Internalized Lies

Every time you pause and ask yourself:

“Is that my voice… or theirs?”

you are literally rewiring your brain.

Old neural pathways weaken.
New pathways grow.

And slowly, the truth becomes louder than the wounds.

⸻

3. Learning to Feel Safe in Your Own Body Again

Trauma lives in the body long after the mind understands the story.

Healing means teaching your nervous system:
• that calm is not dangerous
• that you don’t have to scan the room
• that silence isn’t punishment
• that you are allowed to rest
• that you are not responsible for predicting someone else’s emotions

This is where breathwork, grounding, journaling, and somatic healing help tremendously.

⸻

4. Rebuilding a Sense of Self

You’re learning who you are without the weight of abuse shaping your identity.

That might look like:
• finding your voice again
• rediscovering your likes and dislikes
• honoring your boundaries
• exploring your strengths
• choosing relationships that feel safe
• trusting the stability inside you

You’re building a life where you don’t have to disappear to be loved.

⸻

5. Growing Into the You That Was Always There

Healing doesn’t create a new version of you.
It removes what was never yours to carry.

It reveals the woman beneath the survival strategies.
The woman who has always been strong, intuitive, and worthy.
The woman you’re finally allowed to be.

And that…
that is sacred work.

⸻

A Final Word From My Heart

If emotional or verbal abuse stole parts of you,
please hear me:

You are not broken.
Your brain did exactly what it was designed to do —
protect you.

And now that you’re safe,
it is fully capable of healing.

Piece by piece,
layer by layer,
truth by truth…
you can come back home to yourself.

🤍
If you’re ready to walk this journey with someone beside you, I’m here.
I offer free consultations so you can get a feel for my approach and see if I’m the right fit to walk alongside you.

📞 918.214.8109
📧 ahutchbetterlife@aol.com
🌐 ahutchbetterlife.com

11/19/2025

Hey Ladies! 💕
We’re getting together this Friday at Crossing 2nd, and we’d love for you to join us! This is such a welcoming group of women who truly have a heart for connection.

If you’ve been wishing for more friendships or just want to widen your circle, this is the perfect place. I know it can feel intimidating to put yourself out there and meet new people, but sometimes all it takes is 30 seconds of courage to step out of your car and walk in. The rest is easy — because we’ll be right there to greet you, make you feel comfortable, and share lots of laughs together.

Come as you are — we’d love to see you! 🌸

11/18/2025

When the Holidays Stir Old Patterns: Practicing Boundaries, Self-Care, and Self-Worth

🤍
By Jenn Hutcherson
Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life

⸻

When the Holidays Sneak Up on Us

This topic came to me as I was putting up my Christmas tree this past weekend — lights tangled in my hands, sentimental ornaments in my lap, Christmas music drifting through the house.

There’s something about the holidays that hits differently, doesn’t it?
One moment we’re holding a cup of coffee, soaking in the glow of the tree…
and the next, we’re blindsided by expectations, obligations, and emotional requests we weren’t prepared for.

The holidays have a way of taking us off guard.
And if we aren’t careful, the requests of family and friends can take us off guard too.

But this year, we get to be prepared.
We get to walk into the season with peace, clarity, and our self-worth intact.

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The Beauty of Boundaries During the Holiday Season

We talk about boundaries a lot — but the holidays are where those boundaries become living, breathing acts of self-respect.

Boundaries Are Not Walls — They’re Wisdom

A boundary isn’t, “I’m mad at you.”
A boundary is, “I’m honoring me.”

It might sound like:
• “I can come, but I’ll need to leave by 7:00.”
• “We’re keeping things simple this year — no gift exchange for us.”
• “I love you, but I’m not discussing that topic today.”

It’s choosing intentionality over guilt, peace over pressure.

Give Yourself Permission to Choose What Works for You

Not every invitation is meant for you.
Not every request deserves a yes.
And not every tradition needs to be carried into the future.

You’re allowed to choose what feels healthy and aligned — not what feels expected.

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Protecting Your Peace Without Feeling Like the “Difficult One”

Let’s be honest: some family dynamics can stir old versions of us we’ve worked hard to heal from.

Healthy boundaries during the holidays look like:
• Not over-functioning
• Not rescuing everyone’s emotions
• Not slipping back into the “fixer” role
• Not absorbing tension that was never yours to carry

You’re not the holiday cruise director.
You don’t have to hold the emotional weight of the room.
And you absolutely don’t have to sacrifice your peace for the sake of appearing agreeable.

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Self-Care That Actually Supports Your Nervous System

Self-care during the holidays isn’t an aesthetic — it’s a practice.

Check In With Yourself Before You Say Yes

Ask:
• “Do I genuinely want this?”
• “What is this ‘yes’ costing me?”
• “What is my body telling me right now?”

Your intuition is wiser than any holiday obligation.

Have a Before-and-After Ritual

Before a gathering:
• Breathe
• Set your intention
• Remind yourself of your boundaries

After a gathering:
• Journaling
• A walk
• A quiet moment alone
• Something grounding to bring you back home to yourself

Let People Be Disappointed When Necessary

Your worth is not tied to other people’s reactions.
Sometimes choosing peace for yourself means someone else doesn’t get what they want — and that’s okay.

You were never meant to sacrifice your mental, emotional, or spiritual well-being to keep holiday gatherings running smoothly.

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Honoring Your Worth — Even When Old Stories Try to Pull You Back

The holidays can stir memories, insecurities, guilt, and patterns we thought we had outgrown.

Not abandoning yourself looks like:
• Leaving when you feel overwhelmed
• Saying what you mean without explaining your worth
• Letting adults manage their own moods
• Making decisions that honor your limits
• Showing up as the healed version of you — not the one the past expects

You don’t have to shrink to make the room comfortable.
You don’t have to pretend to be okay to avoid conflict.
You don’t have to serve your peace on a platter just to keep the peace for others.

You get to honor your value, your voice, and your heart.

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Be Prepared This Year

As you untangle the lights, as you decorate the tree, as you move through the beauty of this season — remember this:

You are worth honoring.
Your peace matters.
Your boundaries matter.
Your well-being matters.

Be prepared this year by practicing boundaries, choosing good self-care, and honoring your worth as you celebrate the reason for the season.

🤍
If I can walk alongside you this season — or if you need someone to help you hold space for your own heart — please reach out.
We were never meant to do life alone.

~Jenn 🤍

Jenn Hutcherson
Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life

📞 918.214.8109
📧 ahutchbetterlife@aol.com
🌐 ahutchbetterlife.com

I see clients in person at my Bartlesville office and virtually for those outside the area.

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