08/17/2025
Many people are uncomfortable with anger. We don’t like it! It doesn’t feel good! Some people even think that anger is wrong/sinful.
It might be helpful to know that anger is a secondary emotion. That means that there is always a primary emotion underlying the anger. For instance, what is an outward expression of anger might be fear underlying it. Oftentimes, the emotion that underlies anger is hurt.
There are legitimate reasons for this. One is that people are conditioned to believe that the expression of emotion is not socially allowed and it is uncomfortable, at least in western society. As uncomfortable as anger is, many find it more acceptable than sadness, especially crying in others’ presence.
A second reason is that anger is easier to manage in many cases. Think about depression leading to not being able to get out of bed. Think about how debilitating fear can be. If these emotions manifest themselves in anger instead, it motivates and enables one to take action.
Also, to address the idea that anger is wrong or sinful, consider two things. First, there are clear examples in the Bible that anger served a useful purpose. Jesus himself had times when he felt emotions, even anger, and Jesus was without sin. He was the perfect man. However, even if this were not true, consider that emotion is neither good nor bad. Emotions can be either pleasant or unpleasant, but either way, they serves a purpose. What is potentially wrong is the action that is taken in response to the emotion. In other words, if a person is driven by anger to hurt someone, then the act of harming another person is wrong. The emotion itself is not wrong.
So, the point here is that most people are uncomfortable with anger. However, like all emotions, anger serves a useful purpose. It motivates and drives people to take action. Sometimes action is needed to make useful change.
The next time that you are uncomfortable with another person’s expression of anger, ask yourself, “What emotion might be underlying that anger?” If the anger is directed at you, ask yourself, “Could I have done something to hurt that person?”
Either way, I hope this helps when dealing with anger, whether you feel it yourself or you are the target of it.
