Beyond Affairs

02/17/2026

02/14/2026

Question: Dear Anne – How can I make it through Valentine's Day? It's supposed to be a day about love, and all I can think of is how I am not loved.

Answer: I understand. It does hurt to think of Valentine's Day, when you are in the throes of affair recovery.

Keys to surviving infidelity and Valentine's Day

Find your redeeming factors … You may be at your lowest low, thinking things could not be worse. The fact is, they probably could be. And there is probably something in your life you can be grateful for. There is something in somebody else's story that makes you say, “Thank God that's not me.” Although we never encourage comparison, strive to find the redeeming factors within your own story.
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Focus on what you want, not on what you don't want: Remember that whatever you focus on expands. If you focus on what is wrong in your life, you get more wrong. If you focus on what is right with your life, you get more right. So focus on whatever is good, true, noble, excellent or praiseworthy. Write a list of things you can be thankful for in your life.
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Believe what is true: Some of you are sad today, because you feel unloved. Most of us feel deep down unlovable because of what our spouse has done to us. This is where we get stuck as the betrayed. We are sad, because we believe to be true things that are false. Most people who engage in an extramarital affair never stop loving their spouse. Their action is unloving, but their heart has not stopped loving.
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You can read more in Anne’s beautiful article HERE: https://www.beyondaffairs.com/read/surviving-infidelity-and-valentines-day

02/13/2026

One of the hardest things for me to accept in my own journey was that I had a choice in how I felt day in and day out. I could make the choice to accept what happened, heal my heart, grow through it, and choose to move forward with a better life, or I could stay stuck in the endless grief cycle. It was hard to accept that although I felt physically incapable of the above mentioned mindset, it was indeed a choice I could make.
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I do not say this lightly. I have felt the immense, unbearable pain that I know many of you are currently walking through. I cycled through these stages of grief a hundred times over before I was able to reach acceptance, and make the choice to change my life. I know the heartache. You are not alone. This post is not meant to push you, or require anything of you. It’s merely an attempt to help you feel as though you are not alone. Acceptance was hard for me. Taking back what was lost was a challenge. Choosing to grow and heal for ME took time, effort, energy, the right tools, the right guidance, support, helpers, hope holders, encouragement, and on and on….but it was worth it. There is hope.
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Whatever you’re struggling to accept, we are here to support you through it. You are not alone, and you can do this!

02/11/2026

I am often curious how many spouses (betrayed and wayward) would raise their hand when I ask the question, ‘Were you depressed after the affair was discovered/disclosed?’
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My instinct says the answer would be a unanimous yes. Depression is a common, and very serious response to betrayal trauma. I often referred to these dark moments as ‘The Pit.’ I felt as if I had fallen into a deep, dark pit with no ladder, no light, and no way out. I sat there. Staring into space. Completely detached from the world around me. It was dark, it was empty, it was cold. I could sit here for hours. It took a commitment, a drive, a desire, and determination to pull myself out of the pit, and choose to walk in the light. Now, I am capable and equipped to make a conscious effort to walk around the pit instead of crawl inside if a dark moment arises.
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For those in the early stages, you’re probably furious at me. I can hear you now, ‘Sometimes it isn’t a choice to just walk around the pit.’ I felt this. I lived it. It wasn’t a choice in my mind to enter the pit. But through consistent work, the Take Your Life Back Retreat, amazing support from this community, and coaching with Anne, I was able to train my mind to make this choice. It is possible. You do not have to stay stuck forever. We are here to help. ❤️‍🩹
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I love this quote from an article Anne wrote “A survivor is a person, who when knocked down, somehow knows to stay down until the count of nine and then get up differently. The non-survivor gets up right away and then gets hit again.” – Joy Joffe
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Believing the Best - Tiffanie
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02/05/2026

Bargaining is a defense mechanism. It’s our brain’s way of trying to regain control in a situation where we feel completely powerless. By taking the blame or looking for a “deal” to strike, we temporarily avoid the crushing weight of the finality and the hurt.

Bargaining for me looked like asking myself things like:

“If only I had been more attentive, maybe they wouldn’t have strayed.”

“What if I agree to change everything about myself? Will that make him stay, and stay faithful?”

“If I change my body physically, will he love and desire me more?”

To anyone in the “What If” loop today: Be gentle with yourself. You aren’t “weak” for wanting to save your world; you’re human. But remember, the only person you can truly negotiate with is yourself by deciding what you really need to heal.

02/04/2026

"Anyone can become angry - that is easy. BUT to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – this is not easy." Aristotle

I’m not going to ask how anger has shown up for you in the recovery journey. I don’t want this to turn into one of those Facebook groups that goes down the rabbit trail of hate and rage. That doesn’t serve any of us! Instead let me direct you to tools that will help you move through, recognize, and accept Anger as a part of your journey to total healing.

Anger is a "Secondary" Emotion: Anger hides or camouflages a primary emotion such as pain or fear. Anger in and of itself is not bad. It is an appropriate emotional response to injustice or unfairness. Anger is often easier to feel than the deeper, more painful emotions of sadness, fear, or abandonment.

Read about 5 steps to overcoming anger after an affair here: https://www.beyondaffairs.com/read/dealing-with-anger-after-an-affair

02/03/2026

02/02/2026

Denial is the mind’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle in the moment. Denial can also be the heart’s way of saying, ‘not yet.’ If you find yourself in denial post D-Day, have patience. You will not stay in this stage forever.

01/30/2026

It is important to remember that people do not move through these stages in a strict, step-by-step order. You may experience them in a different sequence, revisit stages, or skip some entirely. The stages are not meant to be a rigid timed process, but rather a way to describe the complex emotions that can arise. It is also important to remember that there can be a bit of a repeat cycle with certain stages as you move through grief. Don’t be discouraged, if you do the work, and stay committed, you will emerge on the other side of your grief. ❤️‍🩹

01/27/2026

“The tools that you get from Anne and Brian, all the resources, if you really use them, that toolkit is a kit for success in marriage.”
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01/15/2026

My heart aches for every man or woman, who ends up cast aside like a used garment being dropped off at the Salvation Army thrift store. You were once a prized possession, and now you are cast aside for another as if you don’t matter at all. It is not fair, and it is definitely wrong when all you long for is a chance to put your marriage back together.
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You can read my article answering the question in the graphic using this link: https://www.beyondaffairs.com/read/when-you-dont-get-the-chance-to-heal-your-marriage?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&brid=pbY-V27LjUbRQruyg5ZHyg

01/07/2026

For me personally, I wasn’t able to get to the point where I could control own thoughts until after attending Take Your Life Back. For four years after D-Day triggers, intrusive thoughts and fears had been running rampant in my mind. I needed gentle guidance, tools, encouragement, accountability, and a whole lot of practice to get a handle on these thoughts. Take Your Life Back gifted me with all of those things, and I now have the power to hold a thought hostage and choose to sit with it, or let it go.
-Tiffanie
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If you are struggling with obsessive thoughts, rumination, or triggers, please reach out. We are here to help support you through these moments.