11/20/2025
Hello everybody,
I don’t post much about personal stuff but I wanted to let you know that I will be going through an intense surgery and recovery process and my surgery date is this Friday 11/21. Funny how I randomly picked my surgery date and my surgery is occurring on a new moon 🌑 which is when new seeds are planted 🌱 and new cycles begin.
Since childhood I have had flat feet which is also on a metaphysical level a sign of low self-esteem so 😂 no surprise there! In my 40’s though this has become worse on my left foot and has now become a fully collapsed arch and has resulted in a ruptured tibial tendon. It’s become progressively worse over the last few years and increasingly limiting in terms of what I can and can’t do. I can no longer run, can barely walk, dance in very limited capacities, and exercise on the whole has become relegated to only being able to do Pilates on my back basically. I can’t hike, do yard work, walk on uneven ground, and have had to use athletic tape to stabilize my left foot and ankle for the last few years to try and help myself out.
What sucks (many things about this suck) is even if I try to do some kind of physical activity, my left ankle is basically overly flexible and constantly rolling inward with every step I take, and my entire body from the ground up has been compensating for my deformed foot. I can’t even do most yoga poses cuz it impacts my ability to stand, balance, and support myself. Earlier this year I threw my back out just from standing for an extended period of time. My hips are out of whack cuz my collapsed arch on my flat foot drags my left hip and shoulder blades down, so my entire body composition is % #&$@ # up! When I take a step my body is wonky and limps slightly as my right side of my body and hip take the impact for my compromised left side. All of this also results in massive body pain and sh*tty sleep, which then further impacts my ability to do anything.
For the last year, Russ has had to do ALL the cooking cuz standing sucks for me, also all the yard work and many other house chores. I have had good days and bad days, some days my body hurts from all the crap going on inside and I can do nothing. Other days I feel okay and will try to do a bunch of stuff to catch up on things I’ve neglected. On top of this I work full time (from home mainly) thankfully and I also have my business Crystal Seed Tarot which is a LOT of work! Gigging and hauling stuff between events, driving all over, setting up, tearing down, also while trying to be in “the right place” to then be able to read Tarot has become increasingly difficult and I have done a lot less gigs this year as a result. The universe has dictated that I need to SIT TF DOWN MORE THIS YEAR.
So, on Friday, I will have surgery to repair my tibial tendon and fuse two joints in my foot (on the top of the bridge of my foot and in my lower ankle to help create stability for my tendon and create an arch in my foot). I can’t bear weight on my foot for 6 weeks and then it’s baby-baby steps and tons of physical therapy. I will have a surgical boot for 2 weeks, a cast for 4 weeks, and then a medical boot for an indefinite amount of time. I will be on a knee scooter and have had to do things like get a recliner and shower seat, among many other odds and ends to help with my recovery. It’s been incredibly intense even getting to this point and as a result I’ve had to go back on an anti-anxiety/depression/sleep aid which in turn resulted in me having to QUIT SMOKING W**D 😱 ME! Without w**d! 😱 The layers of healing that are already happening and will happen are absolutely crazy!m with this!
I am trying to use this as an opportunity for a HUGE reset on all possible levels (mental, spiritual, emotional, physical, financial, and more). The universe is teaching me how to SIT THE F**K DOWN and I NEED to learn how to do that 😂
I need to learn how not to go so hard on ALL LEVELS. I am enough. I am MORE than enough actually. I need to learn how to RELAX. I need to learn how to CHILL. I need to GO WITHIN. And STOP DOING SO MUCH! Like STOP 🛑 just STAAAAHHHP!
So wish me luck on my surgery and recovery and the many frustrating things I will encounter along the way. I will still be available for readings after the first two intense weeks of recovery, and will try to move to doing more readings at home as well as virtually on Zoom (which works just as well - absolutely) following that. I *should* be able to travel again when needed for readings later next year also. I have also been doing YouTube monthly readings and lessons and will keep at that during my recovery ❤️🩹
So, WELCOME to my DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL 🖤🖤🖤 I am going fully RETROGRADE!
