Edna Brinkley, Ph.D., ART, CCATP

09/24/2025

Always on High Alert in Love? Here's How to Relax

Can we talk about something?

You know how sometimes you're with someone amazing, but you find yourself constantly checking your phone, overanalyzing every text, or having the same fight over and over?

Here's what I've learned: most relationship drama isn't actually about the relationship.

It's about our nervous systems freaking out.

Your Body's Overprotective Friend
Think of your nervous system like that friend who sees danger everywhere.

Your body literally can't tell the difference between a real threat and your partner being quiet after dinner.

Both trigger the same "SOMETHING'S WRONG!" alarm bells.

When your internal security system is on high alert, you get defensive over nothing, read into every pause, or feel like you need to fix everything immediately.

You're not being "too much"—your nervous system just thinks it's protecting you from rejection.

The paradigm shift?
Learning to hit your own reset button.

Maybe it's three deep breaths or just noticing "Oh, I'm getting activated right now" without judging yourself.

When you can calm yourself instead of expecting your partner to fix your emotional state, everything changes.

When to Invest Your Energy in Love
Here's the real tea about relationships: it's not about keeping score.

It's about sustainable generosity—giving from a place where you actually have something to give, not running on empty hoping they'll notice.

Healthy relationships have seasons.

Sometimes you're carrying more, sometimes they are. But if you consistently feel like you're chasing them, convincing them to care, or doing all the emotional heavy lifting—that's your cue to step back.

And sometimes stepping back means, it’s time to leave.

Your energy should feel like an investment, not a sacrifice.
With the right person, effort feels good because you see it coming back in ways that matter.

Trust your body's wisdom: anxiety, exhaustion, and resentment mean something's off. Peace, even during challenges, means you've found your rhythm.

Why This All Matters
Here's the beautiful part—when your nervous system is regulated, you naturally show up authentically. You say what you mean, listen without getting defensive, and speak from your actual self instead of your fears. This creates space for real connection.

The goal isn't perfect equilibrium—it's mutual care that doesn't leave you empty. When you learn to calm your own storms and trust your body's wisdom about what's sustainable, you stop tolerating relationships that require you to be small or constantly anxious.

Start with yourself first. Everything else gets easier from there.

Talk again soon,
Dr. B.

P.S.: The year is winding down and I’ve only got 3 openings to help you train your body to recognize when it’s safe to relax. Grab your seat here so we can chat about it. No selling, no pressure-just 2 professional women chatting about what’s possible for you.

Schedule your appointment online Dr. B. Essential Solutions

09/16/2025

Finding Perfect Harmony on Pythagorean Triple Square Day

Okay, so I married a Professor of Mathematics - now I'm inviting you to celebrate this day with me

Today marks Pythagorean Triple Square Day – a celebration of those beautiful mathematical relationships where three numbers create perfect harmony: 3² + 4² = 5².

There's something profound about these triples that speaks to our journey as women moving from survival mode to truly thriving.

Just like these mathematical relationships, you don't have to choose between being strong OR nurturing, ambitious OR authentic, successful OR connected.

The spicy magic happens when seemingly different parts of yourself work together to create something perfectly aligned and beautifully whole.

Your Pythagorean Triple for Thriving:
• Foundation² (Your Relaxed State) + Growth² (Your Authentic Voice + Intentional Actions + Values) = Fulfillment² (Your Life)

The mathematics are simple, but the application is revolutionary. When you’re relaxed and align your daily actions with your deepest values shown in what you say and do, you create the conditions for genuine fulfillment – not just getting by, but genuinely flourishing.

This Week's Thriving Challenge: Identify one area where you've been in survival mode.

What would the "thriving version" look like?

What's your first small step toward that vision?

Remember: You weren't designed to merely survive. You were designed to create, contribute, and flourish.

Keep on rising!!!
Talk again soon,
Dr. B.

09/10/2025

You Are Already Enough

We deny ourselves so much.

Experiences we long for.

Relationships we crave.

Opportunities we dream about.

We stand at the threshold of possibility and whisper, "Not for me. I'm not worthy of that."

But here's the truth that changes everything:
Worthiness isn't something you earn.
It's something you are.

The Myth of Conditional Worth
Many of us carry an invisible scorecard, believing we must accumulate enough good deeds, achievements, or perfect behaviors to finally deserve what we want.

We think worthiness comes from:
• Being productive enough
• Making enough money
• Helping enough people
• Being thin enough, smart enough, successful enough

This thinking pulls us out of simply being and into the exhausting realm of constantly doing to prove our value.

The Reality of Unconditional Worth
Your worthiness isn't a question mark—it's a period. A simple, undeniable fact!

No matter who you are, you are worthy.

No matter what you've done or left undone, you are worthy.

No matter your bank account, your mistakes, your fears, you are worthy.

This isn't something anyone can give you because you already possess it. It's woven into the very fabric of your existence.

From Denial to Recognition
When we struggle to receive—love, compliments, opportunities, joy—it's often because some part of us believes the lie of unworthiness. But recognition is the key that unlocks what was always there.

You don't need to become worthy.

You need to remember that you are.

You don't need to earn your place.

You need to claim it!!!

This Week's Practice
Notice when you deny yourself something good. Pause and ask: "What would I allow if I truly believed I was worthy?" Then take one small step toward that allowance.

Your worthiness isn't waiting for you to prove it. It's waiting for you to recognize it.

Talk again soon,
Dr. B.

PS: If you've been standing at the threshold of your own life, whispering "not for me"—if you've been carrying that invisible scorecard, trying to prove your worth—it's time to put it down.

You don't need to become worthy. You need to remember that you are.
This isn't about adding more to your to-do list or achieving your way to self-acceptance. This is about recognizing a truth that's been waiting for you all along.

What would change if you truly believed you were already enough?
What experiences would you allow yourself? What relationships would you pursue? What opportunities would you finally claim?

Schedule a 30-minute with me to explore this. Let’s do this together!

Schedule your appointment online Dr. B. Essential Solutions

08/25/2025

the day I realized I couldn’t do everything

FACT: I learned to be hyperindependent as a child.

I had to be.

I needed to be - to survive.

While I’ve grown and changed tremendously from that little hyperindependent child and no longer need or have to be hyperindependent, I have to admit, it’s still a small part of me.

I recently had to have a compassionate talk with myself about something. I wanted some changes on my website and try as I may, I couldn’t figure it out - web work is NOT my zone of genius. However I kept on telling myself this was figureouttable.

But then, I got a sign - a webmaster in my women’s mastermind group was simply talking and my mind somehow went to the 3 D’s of priority management (I’ve since added an ‘A’ but that explanation is for later): DO IT, DELEGATE IT, or DUMP IT.

I realized I was actually wasting my precious time, not using doing things that made me happy or spending it with those I love and care about.

Here was someone who loved what she did, got excited about, loved the challenge of it, and really wanted to support women; this was her zone of genius — how did I not see this before?

Cue the previous statement about hyperindependence: ‘I have to admit, it’s still a small part of me.”

I took the dive and about 2.5 hours later, everything was done. Plus the Webmaster found some things I didn’t even know about that made the sight better.

Here, take a look!
https://drbessentialsolutions.com/

What had taken me months of self-imposed going over and over it in my mind trying to figure it out, wanting to chuck my computer into the lake across from my home, she had taken care of in less than 3 hours.

Questions for you:

Are you holding onto something that’s draining you? Leading you to overwhelm? Make you wanna throw up your hands and run away?

Why?

Are you ready to delegate or dump it?

If you’re ready to delegate, get some extra support to help with feeling overwhelmed, overburdened, or tone down your hypervigilance, let’s chat.

This newsletter might be the sign you’ve been looking for. Grab your seat here.
https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=16227588&appointmentType=38096036

Talk again soon,
Dr. B.

Schedule your appointment online Dr. B. Essential Solutions

08/15/2025

stop carrying it alone -

07/30/2025

Listen up!

I’ve got a bespoke* program created to help ambitious, exhausted women, just like you. It’s about stress relief, anxiety relief, no longer running on autopilot, a quiet mind, authoritative boundaries, a less tense body, intentional actions, and so much more!!!

It’s a transformational experience that will touch every aspect of your well-being.

Question for you: What if your anxiety and stress is because, every single day, you’re having to deal with a f@cked up world where you aren’t seen, heard, valued, or respected?

I’ve worked with women:

-who’ve lost countless hours of sleep because they were so anxious about going into the office the next day believing they had to ‘prove’ they belonged there

-whose intelligence had been questioned simply because of their skin tone

-who’ve been forced out of their homes, lost their jobs, had to/chose to divorce, because they owned their authentic selves, with no apologies

-whose department head told them their hairstyle didn’t fit the office ‘culture’

-whose boss and co-workers gave them a ‘nickname’ because they said they couldn’t pronounce their real name

-who believed they had to be self-reliant because they learned that asking for help or support came with a high price

What if you could let all this, slide off you like Teflon?

I know how to help you,

This ain’t ‘yo Mama’s coaching!

I’m offering you the path from where you are (hypervigilant, overburdened, overlooked, anxious, and exhausted) to where you want to be (confident, appreciated, peaceful, empowered, energized).

You Are READY for this If You Know:
• Settling is NO LONGER an option
• Your potential is BIGGER than your fears
• You're DONE with letting stress, anxiety, and exhaustion control your story
• Your inner peace is NON-NEGOTIABLE
• You're WILLING to do the deep work

The first step to get on the path is simple: Schedule some time for us to chat, one professional woman to another, one who’s walked that path and crossed to the other side.

You are so much more than you know. I see you, the diamond, hidden under a mountainload of stress, anxiety, exhaustion, and other people’s stuff. Let’s talk!

Talk again soon,
Dr. B.

* Yes, it’s customized and I’ll be including my Dr. B. Essentials in it – extra skills and information you NEED to know to rewire your automatic stress response and bring you back home to you

Schedule your appointment online Dr. B. Essential Solutions

07/18/2025

Are you:

➢ Living for Friday, dreading Sunday evenings?
➢ Noticing that your inner voice has become your harshest critic?
➢ Running a marathon at sprint speeds - every single day?
➢ Realizing the persistent tightness in your shoulders has become your normal?
➢ The “Chief Everything Officer”: managing career, home, and everyone's emotions?
➢ Having that restless feeling that something fundamental needs to change

If you answered, “Yep, that’s me” to even one of these, listen up.

I’m planning the rest of my year and I’m looking for 3 women to enter 2026 having quantum leaped into the life of their dreams.

If you’re telling yourself, “I’m so tired of being like this. Dr. B., hook me up cos I’m ready to:

• finally feel like myself again
• stop living in constant survival mode
• have energy for the things that actually matter to me
• feel calm in my own body
• stop snapping at the people I love the most
• wake up without that knot of anxiety in my stomach
• actually enjoy my life instead of just surviving it
• feel strong and centered, not scattered and overwhelmed
• break this cycle and show up as the woman I know I can be

I invite you to join me for a no pressure, no selling conversation where we’ll talk about where you are now, what you want, and what could be possible moving forward. Schedule here today because 2026 is coming up fast – time to feel like yourself again!

Talk soon,
Dr. B.

Schedule your appointment online Dr. B. Essential Solutions

06/27/2025

You Are Already Worthy

There's something I need you to know today, something that might feel revolutionary in its simplicity:

You are not broken.

You never were.

In a world that profits from your insecurities, that whispers you need more courses, more fixing, more becoming before you're enough—this truth stands firm. You don't need another self-help book to prove your worth. You don't need to earn your place at the table. You don't need to shrink yourself to fit into spaces that weren't built for your magnificence.

The Woman Within
Inside you lives a woman who has always known her power. She's been waiting patiently while you've been searching for yourself everywhere else. She's the one who makes decisions from intuition, who trusts her voice, who takes up space without apology. She's not hiding because she's afraid—she's been waiting for you to remember that she was never lost.

This woman within you doesn't need permission to be brilliant. She doesn't need validation to speak her truth. She doesn't need fixing because she was never broken.

Your Worthiness is Not Negotiable

Your worth isn't determined by:
- How much you achieve or accomplish
- Whether others approve of your choices
- How well you fit society's definitions of success
- Your past mistakes or perceived failures
- How much you give or sacrifice for others

Your worthiness is as fundamental as your heartbeat. It exists simply because you exist. It's woven into the fabric of who you are, unshakeable and eternal.

The Full, Beautiful Life Awaits
That life you've been dreaming of? The one where you wake up feeling aligned, where your days flow with purpose, where you speak your truth without fear? It's not waiting for you to become someone else. It's waiting for you to fully embrace who you already are.

You don't need to transform into worthiness—you need to remember it.

You don't need to create your power—you need to unleash it.

You don't need to build your worth—you need to stop letting others chip away at what was always yours.

A Gentle Reminder

The world needs the woman you are right now. Not the version of you that's smaller, quieter, or more convenient.

The world needs your full voice, your authentic presence, your unfiltered brilliance.

Today, can you sit with this truth?

Can you let it settle into your bones?

You are already worthy.

You are already enough.

You are already powerful beyond measure.

The only thing standing between you and the life you desire is the story that you need to be different first.

That story ends today.

Your Worthy Life Starts Now
If this message resonated with you, if something inside you whispered "yes" as you read these words, then you're ready to take the next step. You're ready to stop living small and start embodying the truth of who you are.

Ready to remember your inherent worth and unleash the powerful woman within?

Schedule your Breakthrough Session with me today. No pressure, no sales – just 2 worthy professional women having a chat.

Because you don't need fixing—you need remembering. And I’m here to remind you, again and again, until you never forget.

Talk again soon, Dr. B.

Schedule your appointment online Dr. B. Essential Solutions

06/03/2025

The Question That Changed Everything -

05/28/2025

summer time: need a reset? -

05/23/2025

boost your eustress with laughter -

05/15/2025

Honoring Women's Health Month: Creating Your Sanctuary of Calm

I was cradling my steaming mug of caramel herbal tea this morning – watching the gentle rain tap against the window while wrapped in my favorite shawl – when I wanted to talk with you about May being Women's Health Month. There's something comforting about these misty PNW mornings that invites reflection, even as the 200-foot tall evergreens outside stand resilient against the lingering chill.

A month to honor our whole-body wisdom
While enjoying my tea, I found myself reflecting on how women's health encompasses so much more than our annual check-ups (though those are certainly important and have you had yours yet?!).

True wellbeing includes creating the conditions for our nervous systems to find balance – something many of us have moved away from in our busy, always-connected lives.

I've noticed in my own journey that when my nervous system feels regulated and balanced, everything else flows more naturally – my sleep improves, I don’t snap at my sweetie or eat as many sweets, and even challenging situations feel more manageable.

Creating your sanctuary, one moment at a time
This Women's Health Month, I'm inviting myself (and you, if it resonates) to create small pockets of nervous system nourishment throughout each day.

Simple practices that remind our bodies we're safe, seen, and supported:
• Morning sunlight on your face while enjoying that first sip of something warm
• A midday pause to feel your feet connecting with the earth, even if just for 30 seconds
• Evening wind-down rituals that signal to your body that rest is coming

I always keep a light blanket (it’s cold here!!!) and lavender sachet at my desk for moments when I need to wrap myself in comfort between meetings and sessions. These tiny anchors of care make such a difference.

Nature's invitation in May
There's wisdom in May's offerings – the lengthening daylight, the fresh greens appearing everywhere, the gentle invitation to emerge after winter's rest. Our nervous systems respond so beautifully to these natural rhythms when we allow ourselves to notice them.

A few days ago, it was actually sunny so I took a walk around my local lake, watching birds, hearing their call, hearing the rustle of the trees, and taking notice of all the wild blackberry bushes that I’ll enjoy eating from later this year. Twenty minutes of this simple pleasure shifted something in me that carried through the rest of a demanding day.

A gentle reminder
As women, we often place ourselves last on our own care lists. This Women's Health Month, perhaps we can practice the revolutionary act of treating our nervous system balance as essential rather than optional – a foundation for everything else we bring to the world.

Today take a moment to feel the afternoon sunshine warm your face and shoulders and breathe deeply into this pocket of peace. These small moments truly can become anchors throughout your days.

Wishing you spaces of gentle calm during this beautiful month of May,

Warmly,

Dr. B.

P.S. I'd love to hear about your favorite nervous system soothing practice if you'd like to share. The wisdom we offer each other is such a gift.