Necessary Play

01/15/2022

A video for parents wanting some tips on how to work through feelings, especially during this recent Covid spike.

12/21/2021

Chart to help children identify feelings:

09/11/2020

I used to teach social skills classes.
A big piece of social skills classes is emotional regulation: different curriculums, books, breathing techniques are created just for this purpose. Now, these tools have become more mainstream and home versions are popping up for parents.

After years of teaching these strategies, using these books, I realized while the intentions are wonderful, many miss a big piece of the puzzle: coregulation with emotional safety.

A disregulated adult CANNOT help a child regulate.

If we focus on the calming “skills” and techniques, we’re staying superficial. And to be honest, it’s not very effective. The most powerful way to teach a child to regulate is to model how to do it.

The first step in that?
Believing that all emotions are safe.
😡 Anger is safe, not something to stop.
😥Sadness is safe, not something to fix.
🤩 Excitement is safe, not something to instantly calm.

In order for an adult to teach that these emotions are safe, we must first let ourselves feel without judgement. Then learn what the emotion is telling us.

I felt intense anger (borderline rage) the other day and decided to take a walk while I cried.
I felt excitement and let myself jump and squeal, then breath.

But what came first before I picked a “calming strategy”? Experiencing the feeling and feeling safe.

Then, when I turn around and see my child laying on the floor screaming, I can acknowledge his feelings without judgement, remind myself “I can handle this. He can handle this.” My confident energy transfers to my child.

While teaching emotional zones, breathes, and scripts can help with reflection and recognition, they stay superficial and ineffective without first establishing safety around the feeling.

Once I shifted my class focus to establishing emotional SAFETY, I noticed the children became much calmer. We may not have read as many books about social skills or done as many craft projects, but the children’s patience and empathy dramatically increased.

This is a huge paradigm shift. So share some thoughts below!

08/20/2020

08/19/2020

I had the privilege of sharing yesterday to a group of parents about the importance of helping our children understand, express, and regulate their big feelings as they head into a different kind of school year.

Give your child some space each day to share and explore their feelings with you. They are experience a lot and don’t have the experience or understanding that we do as adults.

07/22/2020

Very good article

Play is the language of children — which is why play therapy can help kids speak the unspeakable.

04/05/2020

8 simple and effective ways to help regulate your family’s stress levels.

8 expert tips to help families stay regulated.

04/03/2020

Interesting article about play and how children process their world, specifically now with news of the Coronavirus.

Play is children’s language, and parents shouldn’t be concerned if the pandemic has been showing up in kids’ games lately.

02/24/2020

If you are in need of a positive reframe 😉

01/25/2020