08/16/2024
What does it feel like to be on dialysis? Well, let’s see… I was in complete disbelief when I had my first treatment at Princeton Hospital in 1997. The person next to me or next to that person moaned through the entire time, while the others slept. I was in a hospital bed lying there under an extra layers of blankets, whimpering and wondering why God brought me to this disposition. Had I sinned, did someone poison my food, or did someone voodoo me?
I came to grips with my situation because I know He does not give us no more than we can handle. My kidneys started back working and I was sent home to live my life again. And I did. I graduated, threw a graduation party, and found my first job working in Communications for a company.
A year later, I would become pregnant with my beautiful, sweet and kind daughter. She is my inspiration and it was a challenge to keep her alive; she was born prematurely at 24 weeks, but that’s another story.
Two or three years later, I developed kidney failure, and I selected home dialysis. I tried to keep things normal for my daughter and be there to take her to school, to be Mommy when she needed me, and treasure the special moments together as a single mother. Thank you, Mom and Dad for being there for us.
My niece told me she would donate a kidney after she took care of her personal business, and I appreciated it, but I wasn’t sure she would follow through. I had another relative who promised the same and never followed through or call back and say, “I changed my mind.” I waited… and nothing.
I became sicker, my skin darkened, I lost weight, and I was despondent. My catheter got infected and I had to switch to hemodialysis. Another medical device put in me, another surgery. Here I would have to go to a dialysis center three times a week. It felt like I was in a factory, and I was the product. I felt cold and lonely. The nurses and staff were nice, friendly and professional. I just felt isolated. Three times a week my dad or mom would drop me off with my shopping bag filled with a blanket, candy and a notebook. My mind told me I could write a song and a book. Funny now that I look back on it cause I never wrote the book or song.
My niece called me out the blue and said, I’m a match.” Those were the best three words I ever heard, and March 14, 2007 (I think), I had a kidney transplanted in me. I was thankful and humble.
I got my real estate license, and went to work. I later went to work for the water company where I worked for 12 years. It’s also the place where I contracted Covid. I healed and decided to get my insurance license. I still have it for property and casualty and life and health insurance. It has been a challenge to find seniors who need my help though, but I’m not giving up.
It’s been downhill from there. My kidney function shut down, I’m on dialysis and on the transplant list, again.
So, how does it feel to be on dialysis? It feels like a burden that I’m putting on my family. I’m cold most of the time, I have to fight to eat enough protein, because most of the time I’m not hungry, I get blood drawn and get weighed weekly, I have to fight with my hair because the texture has changed, and my eyes play tricks on me sometimes and runs a lot, sometimes I feel weak after treatment, my back aches, my arm aches, my toes tingle and some of my friends stopped calling (may not be a bad thing) and I think feel sorry for me. I don’t want sympathy, I want support - a call, text, or stop by and ask how I’m doing will help. I started a go fund me to help with medical bills (Medicare covers 80%) and a few helped (raised $600) and I thank each and every one of them, but to those who said, “If you need anything, I’ll be here,” no response. That’s okay. I hold no hard feelings because I know these are rough times for all of us. It is what it is.
This is lengthy and if you read until here, Thank you. I will keep moving forward and “This too shall pass.”
