11/19/2025
A great reminder for all of us.
This is something I say in every class I teach and every home I walk into: meet people where they are, not where you want them to be. It’s so easy, almost instinctive, for us to tell someone how to feel or what to do when they are going through something hard. Whether they are the one in the bed or the one at the bedside, we filter their experience through our own fears, our own hopes, and our own lessons. But when we do that, even with the best intentions, we unintentionally turn down their voice. And at the end of life, elevating their voice, turning up the volume, is one of the most important acts of compassion we can offer.
I often think about a couple I once cared for. The husband was my patient, and during a conversation, his wife began explaining what he was experiencing. Halfway through, he gently interrupted her and said, “This is about me. This is my experience. Please let me talk.” It made her uncomfortable at first, but it changed everything. Once she stepped back and truly listened, she discovered ways to honor him, his needs, his truth, his terms. And he felt seen, respected, and included in his own story.
We can’t help but have opinions. I do it as a nurse all the time, someone tells me something is wrong, and instinctively I want to say, try this, try that. But unless someone asks, “What would you do?” what they need from us is presence, not direction. Trust, not pressure. Listening, not fixing. When we meet people where they are, we create space for autonomy, we amplify their voice, and we honor them the way they deserve to be honored.
Our reactions matter, and our feelings matter, but their experience is not about us. And when we remember that, we show up in a way that is truly comforting, and respectful.
xo
Gabby
www.thehospiceheart.net
