06/06/2023
I tried to post this earlier, but the internet went down. Thank the Lord, I typed it on Word first! LOL
She would be 15 years-old.......WOW.... To us time is measured, but to God it is infinite, which is hard to grasp as far as life valued and time. On Friday, Layah’s earthly birthday, I told my youngest son Luke, who is 13, and daughter, Arwyn, who is almost 11, that it's like trying to explain geometry to a caterpillar! LOL.
We used to celebrate her birthday and 6 short days with us by releasing balloons until we found out that was not a good thing to do. We would also get a birthday cake and sing "Happy Birthday". Gradually, we just got to where we would go to the lake or the pool, sing "Happy Birthday" and that would be it. But for this year, for some reason, it was more painful to me. Was I being overly sensitive? Was it just ALL I am “running through” in my life right now?
Yes, this year, she would have been 15, wanting to go get her driver's permit and I guess I thought about it more than many years before.... Plus the fact that my almost 11 year old daughter looks and IS anatomically more like a 17 year old in ways that I am NOT ready for but it is here already? That may have heightened my emotions.
I just began to have the questions of course like, would she be a cheerleader, gymnast like me, or tomboy? What kind of food would she hate, and what would she love? What kind of music would she like? Would she be getting out of braces now? Would she be a chatterbox like me, or quiet? Would she be musically talent, rhythmic, both? Would she be left-handed or right-handed or Both?? (I’m left, her dad is mostly left but all precision sports he is right…. Tobias plays golf left…. Luke and Arwyn are right…. My brother plays sports with left…. Crazy right? Lol)
When I feel overwhelmed and just defeated, my faithfully Lord is watching…. Sometimes allowing the suffering…. Just as we do when our toddler says they don’t want to take their medicine because it is yucky but we know what is best. We make them take it anyway, and within a short time, they stop crying and begin to feel better. He does this with us. He knew I had had a rough day Thursday, just one thing after another not going as expected, and I was in need of a "hey mom" moment I wasn’t expecting.
If you ever have read my blog I wrote after Layah stepped into eternity or know me, I had many of these, around her earthly birthday or eternal birthday when I would most need it.
Back note: last year, we had these beautiful, yellow gardenia flowers growing in the backyard and no one could see them. So I just pulled them and planted them in the front. My husband had cut two stalks and put them in the kitchen window when they first bloomed this season. They are yellow. So, back to my "rough day" on Thursday, as I'm walking up the front steps- late to cook dinner for my family AND my father in law who is already at the house, and frustrated-I look over and see the gardenias... yes, there is a yellow one... BUT next to it..... there is a PINK one! I immediately heard in my spirit, "hey mom".
You must understand when she died, I was given some white calla lilies I planted I have in the photo. They were all white. I never moved them. The second year, ON her 2nd birthday, there were TWO pink ones.... just TWO! There have been many other times and moments like these. I truly believe God reveals these “messages” to us, but often times we are too busy to notice. However, when I saw the pink gardenia, I felt so much joy again. I truly know my Joy is from the Lord and not from "Layah" but, I feel that it’s a reminder that “where your treasure is, your heart will also be.”
Friday, on the way to the pool with Luke and Arwyn, we were talking about how short Layah's life with us was. Luke asked if I felt I had missed out not getting to share my life with her. I explained why I was so honest about saying “No. I would not have the life I have NOW which I would never trade. I would not want to go through it again, but I would’t change it. When our thoughts are focused on eternity, not earth, our perspective and purpose changes. I told them when you look at time and one’s life, which all of us will have eternal life, and compare 80-100 years max- usually- to eternity, there is no comparison. We think 80-100 years is a long time?? To God, and to us, it is nothing.
I know I get to be with Layah for eternity. Being apart from her for 60-100 years is nothing! Of all the questions I do have about her the one question I DO NOT HAVE is did her life have a purpose, and emphatically, that answer is yes. ALL LIFE HAS PURPOSE. Her life's purpose revealed my purpose through LAYAH's Ministry, Inc./ Memory Gowns. Now, I bring His Hope and His comfort to others. She completed in 6 earthly days, what many lives cannot in 80-100 years. I am blessed for that.
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Where have I been you ask?? LOL So, having NOT been able to get out here much, I would like to let everyone know that there are several reasons why. If you would like the more "business side" the main reason is due to myself being the only one currently doing EVERYTHING, and as always, I NEED HELP WITH ALL OF IT-NOT JUST SEWING, which honestly is a small part. I was also recently honored to meet with Grand View Medical Center here in Birmingham, AL and will now be servicing their NICU department. This was a total God intervention since I have been trying to get in to their hospital for several years now. We are looking to begin a support group which I will be involved in.
In addition to that, I had a dear friend I posted about last year this very time, who had twin girls I made the very first identical twin girls’ Memory Gowns for. The girls were born on their due date this time last year, 05-31-2022. As expected, one stepped into eternity on their birthday. The family celebrated the other twin's earthly life on Wednesday. I reached out to check on them and I was so excited to see pictures. I look forward to going for a visit soon. My friend happens to be the relative of one of my best friends from our public junior high, who ironically also graduated from the private school that my ex-husband graduated from. She and I reconnected at their 10- year reunion. Years ago, she worked for MTV but now lives and works in Santa Monica, CA. Back in April, she reached out to me about being a part of her lifestyle brand for woman in their 40s and 50s. She wanted to inquire to see if I was interested in writing a blog and possibly promoting LAYAH’s Ministry, Inc on her site when she launches it. She is still working on the details but this will be a HUGE opportunity! So, see? LOL
***NOW, If you want to know personally why it's taken me so long to create this post, because of all the “hats” I currently have to wear in my family, and can handle more reading, keep reading. If you are like me, with ADHD, and can’t handle really long posts, congratulate yourself on at least making it this far, and I appreciate your support so very much!*
These days, my life is in overdrive, which obviously from the lack of any post out here, you could tell this My mom is a breast cancer survivor and has auto immune hepatitis due to the trauma of the reconstructive surgery she underwent over 10 years after she had one breast removed and 4 years of chemo then over time due to fibrocystic disease in the remaining breast and the higher chance for a reoccurrence of breast cancer in the other, decided to have the other breast removed and reconstructive surgery. Her immune system became her enemy after that. She also has Sjogren’s, Lupus, Psoriatic Arthritis, and a few other things. She just turned 77 a few weeks ago. I have been blessed to be her POA since September 2019. She was in a roll over car accident in October 2019. You cannot tell me that was a coincidence. The last week of February 2019 I was also wrongfully terminated from a career I loved and excelled at for almost 20 years where I started when I was only 19. I was devastated and actually developed shingles. However, I trusted Him and as always, His plan was better!
I could never have been able to help my mom, my children, and so much more the way I am now. My mom's health has been deteriorating for many years, but it is now time that she be taken care of. My family of 6 will now become 7 as we are 3/4 of our way through a major home renovation to accommodate her needs and give her exactly what she needs so she can sell the home she has been in for 23 years. We are very excited to have her, but know it will be bitter sweet for her to close that chapter in her life. My precious husband is incredible, and I am just more blessed than most to have him as my life partner through this.
Next, my youngest, Arwyn, 11 in July, has ADHD like both me and her father, but quite severe. Over the last 2 years, despite my exhausted efforts with the public school system, they have failed her-literally in every way.
Despite me attempting to ignore Him….He was not going to stop persistently telling me what I was being called to do for her. So just as miraculous the foundation of LAYAH’S MINISTRY, INC. I said, “okay Lord, because of our relationship, I trust you completely. I’ll do what you say, not just in faith, but because I know it will be best! They say, ‘You don’t call the equipped but You equip the called,’ and I am definitely NOT equipped. Plus, you do seem to have a sense of humor, so let’s go!” She and I will begin "Life School" this fall! I just call it that because we won’t always be in a chair at a desk working but other places. I’m also wanting to remove the negativity that she has associated with "school" so she can see learning is fun. I covet prayers to strength me in all ways for this journey and so that she will succeed and so I wont listen to my own insecurities!
A few other updates, my oldest son, Tobias, who was also a micro preemie, (in some of these photos), 2 lb 3 oz, 26.4 weeker, spent 108 days in NICU before being discharged, 13 overall surgeries and countless hospitalizations and medications, now 20 and healthy, but has bilateral sensorineural hearing loss and must wear aids or is pretty much deaf, just made the President's list at the community college is currently attending. He will be transferring to UAB where he is studying Forensics and Criminology. Yes, his name was and is prophetic! "Yahweh is good".
My "bonus" son, or step son, Baylor, who has been with us now through these years to me that are really important 12-18, just graduated high school making a 33 on his ACT and received a full presidential ride to Auburn where he will be studying Architecture.
So, we will have two sons going back to college come the fall. My 13-year-old son Luke has some plans for this summer, but we can celebrate those another time.
I have to get a new hat on now, but if anyone is interested in helping me, I’ve got sooooo much to work on with LAYAH’s Ministry, Inc. and would love it. If you can use iron, use a pair of scissors, trace, rip, all of these things are a huge part of what is the most beneficial. Many people want to donate her gown, but I cannot offer precious, life changing gifts to families from these wedding dresses unless I am able to get more done. As I mentioned time, any amount of someone’s time donated is a gift to me. I have had this entire ministry established based on those who have come in and out of my life for a season. It could literally be for a few hours and I never see that person again, or for a few days, a few weeks, months or years. I obligate no one to this ministry, as that defeats why it was created. If you feel that you would like to help in anyway, please reach out.
NOTE: I NOW HAVE SET UP A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS FOR LAYAH’S MINISTRY!!!! YAY!!! So, if you would like to email, call or text, my email address mikawall2323@gmail.com (this time, it IS GMAIL! LOL) My cell phone # is the same, 205-936-3530). If you prefer to call, please text me prior if possible so I will know who and expect your call so I may answer, otherwise, I will not answer an unknown #). Thank you so much!
Blessings!
