05/31/2023
It’s easy to read this and pretend this does not happen often, but here is where it happens on the regular:
-In the family with secrets, where a scapegoat is finding their way out.
-In a church with secrets when survivors are speaking up about being abused.
-In a company with secrets when the employee has had enough.
Two factors: Secrets and scapegoats.
The secrets protect others who perpetuate the harm.
The scapegoat is being asked to remain the scapegoat, so no one else pays for their pain.
By reconciling, the scapegoat is offered a false sense of security with a slice of manipulation:
“This is what is best for you.”
“You don’t want to hurt everyone, do you?”
“If this is just between us, I will make sure you have what you need.”
There is a time, place, and process for how stories are told. And, with those, is the risk of the person telling their story, not finding people who believe and support them. This is often when enablers appear, intent to make it all go away. That intent is not for genuine reconciliation, but for the scapegoat to be silenced.
Reconciliation should be on the survivors’ terms.
Reconciliation does not heal trauma.
Reconciliation is when TWO parties have reflected and done work on themselves and feel their lives are more valuable with one other in them, than not.
Reconciliation should never be presented to a person who has escaped abuse.
Instead of “I’m just sorry you won’t give them another chance.” Be sorry, you weren’t there to protect the survivor from getting hurt to begin with.
NEXT WEEK: Healing the Younger You Begins!! Grab your spot @ linktr.ee/natepost ! While you are there, download the free resource guides on inner child work and trauma recovery.
I’m so glad you are here! 💞✨
